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UK Customs replace “Nothing to declare” signs with “Abandon All Hope...

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Following the news that Boris Johnson has been elected Prime Minister UK Customs officials have decided to replace all the 'Nothing to Declare' signs...

Wayne Rooney moves from second best team in Manchester to second...

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Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves...

Humans cured of sexuality after imagining Ann Widdecombe masturbating in the...

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Scientists from Rochdale's Community University have finally managed to find a cure for human sexuality after asking people to imagine Ann Widdecombe fiddling with...

Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit...

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Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for...

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Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a...

Local man begins annual quest to find Muslim offended by the...

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Our intrepid reporter Charlie Stuart spends the day with a patriot on a mission.

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