Monday, October 22, 2018
Fox

Foxes vote to bring back fox hunting after promise of ‘iconic’ fox passports

Foxes across the UK have voted in favour of repealing the 2004 fox hunting ban, following a Government promise to issue them with 'iconic' passports in a colour of their choice. Just over 51% of...

Pedigree Siberian hamster spotted near Brighton

Christmas came early for a rare pedigree Siberian hamster called Dorothy who's been found safe and well in Upper Dicker, East Sussex, this week. She was spotted by Mrs Smelta Ratt whilst on the...

Gove clarifies that Government will extend the term non-sentient to include any living being...

In a desperate bid to look like the Tories are not using Brexit as an excuse to bring back fox hunting, cock fighting, prima nocta, encourage ultra intensive farming practises and turn a blind...
Blue Planet

Outrage as BBC confirms NONE of tonight’s Blue Planet II animals will be wearing...

The BBC has issued an apology after leaked footage of tonight's 'Blue Planet II' revealed that NONE of the animals featured will be wearing a Remembrance Day poppy.  The 'Coral Reefs' episode due to be aired this...

Pay attention to my sexual preferences not my instincts as a predator, said Kevin...

In an emotional statement to the world's press meant to deflect allegations he has a penchant for baby antelope, Kevin the Lion has come out as being openly gay. This has shocked nobody in...

Alien Overlords to Admit Existence is a computer simulation.

It is to be announced that reality as we understand it is nothing more than a computer simulation. The shock admission was beamed into the minds of all world leaders simultaneously at 8 a.m. G.M.T....

House spiders launch campaign to reduce number of ‘sleeping mouth’ fatalities

A group of house spiders has launched a campaign aimed at reducing the number of arachnids being swallowed by sleeping humans. 
Hurricane

Trump ecstatic hurricane Harvey is bigger than every hurricane under Obama

Donald Trump says he's especially proud that Hurricane Harvey is bigger than any Hurricane President Obama presided over. In a speech he said, "Watched CNN last night. Fake news. Fox say this is going...

Packham challenges Attenborough in bid to become BBC Natural History Unit alpha male

Chris Packham has challenged Sir David Attenborough in a bid to become the BBC Natural History Unit's alpha male. In a display that witnesses have described as "exhilarating", "majestic” and “inexplicably arousing”, the wildlife gurus...

A little food for thought… A pack of wolves

The three in front are old & sick, they walk in front to set the pace of the running group lest they get left behind. There were five in the front group but sadly...
Pigeons

Rochdale pigeons attempt to teach Rochdale ‘couple art of love’

Two Rochdale pigeons have tonight, for the fourth night in a row, spent 45 minutes teaching Rochdale couple Stephen and Mary King the art of love. The pigeons, who recently moved into a tree across from...
Hippies Hippy

Hippy English woman ‘is a pain in the arse’ say Indians

A woman from Rochdale who has been to India on a spiritual journey to find herself is just a monumental pain in the arse, say local Indians. Morning Dew Gojiflower, (not her real name, which...

Scientists name new species of pot-bellied pig after Paul Golding

Hot on the heels of naming a new species of shrimp after wall breaking rockers Pink Floyd, zoologists have named a newly discovered sub-species of Vietnamese Pot-bellied Pig after Paul Golding the leader of...
Brown bear in woods

Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods

Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement. "I've been thinking about changing things up for ages." Mr. Pickle, of no fixed...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll of a group of Sheffield residents on the shape of...

New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant

On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen. 'April' the 15 year old Giraffe was believed to be in the...

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