Alien Overlords to Admit Existence is a computer simulation.

It is to be announced that reality as we understand it is nothing more than a computer simulation.The shock admission was beamed into the minds of all world leaders simultaneously at 8 a.m. G.M.T....

House spiders launch campaign to reduce number of ‘sleeping mouth’ fatalities

A group of house spiders has launched a campaign aimed at reducing the number of arachnids being swallowed by sleeping humans. 
Hurricane

Trump ecstatic hurricane Harvey is bigger than every hurricane under Obama

Donald Trump says he's especially proud that Hurricane Harvey is bigger than any Hurricane President Obama presided over.In a speech he said, "Watched CNN last night. Fake news. Fox say this is going...

Packham challenges Attenborough in bid to become BBC Natural History Unit alpha male

Chris Packham has challenged Sir David Attenborough in a bid to become the BBC Natural History Unit's alpha male.In a display that witnesses have described as "exhilarating", "majestic” and “inexplicably arousing”, the wildlife gurus...

A little food for thought… A pack of wolves

The three in front are old & sick, they walk in front to set the pace of the running group lest they get left behind. There were five in the front group but sadly...
Pigeons

Rochdale pigeons attempt to teach Rochdale ‘couple art of love’

Two Rochdale pigeons have tonight, for the fourth night in a row, spent 45 minutes teaching Rochdale couple Stephen and Mary King the art of love.The pigeons, who recently moved into a tree across from...
Hippies Hippy

Hippy English woman ‘is a pain in the arse’ say Indians

A woman from Rochdale who has been to India on a spiritual journey to find herself is just a monumental pain in the arse, say local Indians.Morning Dew Gojiflower, (not her real name, which...

Scientists name new species of pot-bellied pig after Paul Golding

Hot on the heels of naming a new species of shrimp after wall breaking rockers Pink Floyd, zoologists have named a newly discovered sub-species of Vietnamese Pot-bellied Pig after Paul Golding the leader of...
Brown bear in woods

Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods

Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement."I've been thinking about changing things up for ages." Mr. Pickle, of no fixed...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll of a group of Sheffield residents on the shape of...

New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant

On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen.'April' the 15 year old Giraffe was believed to be in the...

Attenborough Discovers New Great Ape Species In America

Noted elderly naturist David Attenborough was cock-a-hoop yesterday when he announced the discovery of the first new species of great ape for many years.Mr Attenborough announced "We have certainly discovered a new great ape....

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police diverted from their tactic of arresting people under out of...

Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well

Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre' near Tewkesbury.The tribe is thought to consist of approximately 75...
Turkberry

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush.The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on our Christmas dinner tables as early as next year, if...

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