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Dick Turnip

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US Military

Trump mobilizes Military to defend against Hurricane Irma with ‘fire and fury’

As hurricane Irma makes it's way west towards the coast of Florida, president Donald Trump has issued a declaration of war on the weather...
Hurricane

State of emergency declared as Hurricane Irma heads towards rich white people

Category 4 hurricane ‘Irma’ has caused devastation throughout the Caribbean and Bahamas this week. The hurricane has broken previous records of longest sustained category 5...
Bruce Forsyth

Sir Bruce Forsyth declared fit for work by ATOS

British television legend Sir Bruce Forsyth has died at the age of 89 of a chest infection. Bruce was well known for his dancing and...
Big Ben

Big Ben chime to be replaced with Islamic Call to Prayer

London Mayor Sadiq Khan said, “I welcome the decision by parliament to allow London’s rich culture to be reflected in its most loved landmarks. We all know and love Big Ben’s regular chimes and I am certain Londoners will come to appreciate the melodic chant of the Adhan five times a day.”

British expats outraged as boat full of migrants wash up on their Spanish beach

Beachgoers were surprised by the sight of dozens of migrants scrambling out of the surf today at the Playa de los Alemanes resort in...

In wake of America and North Korea tensions Rochdale man hoarding bottlecaps

Concerns have been raised by the family of Jim Watson, 24, of Heywood after he hasn't been seen for the last week and a...
Rubbish in Street

Piled rubbish masks smell of Birmingham city

Birmingham city council, has for the past few weeks been in the grips of a public sector strike. Birmingham’s ‘bin men’ are demanding fairer/higher...
Pensioners

Pensioners with British Gas look forward to choosing between freezing and starving to death...

"My pension didn't cover the old price. In fact, the only reason I didn't freeze to death last year is because I was able to burn all the ‘late Payment’ notices that British Gas kept sending out"
Peter McCallister

Peter McCallister found dead after triggering booby trap

Peter McCallister, has been found dead at the foot of his stairs within his home 671 Lincoln Avenue, Winnetka, Illinois. The Police are treating the...
Teenager

Teenager born in 2000 looks forward to enjoying retiring in 2120

Today the government announced that plans to change to the state pension retirement age to 68 will take effect in 2037, 7 years earlier...
Protests

The Canary calls for Tory MP to resign after failing to wash hands after...

Today The Canary has posted their 1,000th 'breaking news' article, in which 'the Tories are done' and that 'Theresa May must resign.' The far left...
Bergxit

Antarctical 50 signed, Bergxit means Bergxit

Today an area four times the size of London has broken away from the Antarctic landmass. It is a worrying example of rising sea...

Belfast Orange walk to become 24k Gold walk

The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K...
Guy Fawkes

Anarchist delighted Guy Fawkes mask is next day delivery on Amazon Prime

Protests and rioting have rocked the city of Hamburg this week in the wake of the G20 summit. A large police presence as a...
riot

Anarchists praise efficiency of German train network as G20 riots start on time

The German city of Hamburg is hosting the 2017 G20 summit in which world leaders come together to discuss and agree on action on...
Thatcher Statue

Statue of Thatcher on horseback trampling a miner to be placed in Orgreave

This week MPs have debated in parliament for the commission of a statue to commemorate the former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. The original proposal of...

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