Hospital

Elderly woman catches racism after wiping bottom on Daily Mail

A lovely old grandma who contracted racism during a trip to Burnley last week is in a "serious condition" after being admitted to an isolation unit in Rochdale.NHS Rochdale has confirmed that the racism...

Crossfit cult ‘survivor’ makes full recovery after being rescued

A former member of the cult of Crossfit, Steve ‘Tits’ Day, has spoken for the first time having made a full recovery from his formerly toned and healthy condition.Happily now surrounded by pizza boxes...
Ebola

‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola

In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the blame for its deadly effects onto people.The virus, which was...

Working from home identified as leading cause of sight loss in men

A new study from the Rochdale Institute for Sight has found that working from home is the leading cause of sight loss for men.Although identifying the cause the researchers were less exact about what...

Homeopathy shop closed after vegan snake oil found to contain old wives tails

A Rochdale homeopathy shop has been forced to close this week after it was discovered to be selling vegan snake oil containing old wives tails.Moonbeam Charlatan, 45, owner of the popular Never Better "alternative...

Smaller snacks mean cutting calories, not raising profits, claim chocolate manufacturer

As a result of austerity measures and the ongoing fight against fat, it has been revealed that major manufacturers will continue to reduce the size of confectionary, sources say.This is an existing issue which...
Vaping

Vaping kills claims tobacco company spokesperson

A shocking revelation has come to light in a study recently carried out by reputable cancer stick manufacturer, Rechmond Stirrling.However, the outcome has been accused of being “cloudy and unfounded.” by a leading expert...
jogging

NHS study shows people with two legs run greater risk of jogging injuries

People with two legs run a greater risk of suffering injuries while jogging or running, a new report published Friday by the NHS shows.According to the report people with two legs are almost 90%...

21,000 additional mental health workers unnecessary if Jeremy Hunt used his real name

“Imagine if you could call that overbearing parent a proper Jeremy Hunt to their face? And you could do it all your life? Just get that stress out before it builds into an illness that blights your life.”
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg announces plan for every UK baby to have his DNA by 2040

This is a key policy behind Rees-Mogg's bid for the Conservative party leadership.According to leaked documents, he is going to take his cue from the Catholic anthem Every Sperm Is Sacred and distribute his...
Katie Hopkins

Massive chip dislocates Katie Hopkins shoulder

There were grave concerns for Katie Hopkins today when the massive chip she uses as a shoulder deepened and caused her arm to calve from the giant ice shelf that is the rest of...
Diabetes

Diabetes sufferers celebrate reduced risk with ‘messy weekend’

The news that top scientists have established that people who drink alcohol more regularly are less likely to develop diabetes.The results found that even compared to those who are teetotal, occasional drinkers had...

Anti-Vaxxer has very messy carpet

In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a very messy carpet. Rochdale Anti-Vaxxer Tarquin O'Flerfer is often in the...

Health scare over psychotic illness which only infects BMW OWNERS!!!

Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun work on antiviral treatments.Dr Anita Slowdown explained the symptoms: "First...
Boots

Morning-after pill still cheaper than taking kids to Spain during School Holidays insists Boots Chief...

High street chemist Boots have defied public pressure to reduce the price of their emergency contraceptive pill claiming it represents excellent value for money compared to trying to find an affordable family holiday during...

Boots fight elitism by pricing poor people out of contraception

High Street favourite Boots has been in hot water lately over the row which arose from the response regarding the morning after pill.The situation has caused outrage among shoppers, who claim that they...

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