Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Home Authors Posts by ThomasThomas

ThomasThomas

99 POSTS 0 COMMENTS
Thomas Thomas is Sub-Editor for The Rochdale Herald. Thomas is proud to support such causes as "Cornwall for Jam First" and "Drop Scones Not Bombs". His personal motto is "Fuck it, why not?"
Fried Chicken

Conservatives offer new members discount card at Kentucky Fried Pheasant

Conservative Party Central Office have announced this week that new members will be recieve a variety of benefits including discounts at Michael Gove's new...

Mother persuades her children to eat veg

A hard working mother in West London is so desperate to get her children to eat vegetables she has put out a call for...

Royal baby to be named Prince Kevin. Probably.

Following the news that Duchess of Cambridge has given birth to a bouncing baby boy, speculation is rife regarding the name the House of...

City of Brighton & Hove to be shortened by 1 metre after Brexit

Residents of Brighton & Hove were shocked to discover plans to shorten their city by 1 metre along it's East/West axis following Brexit. In 1972,...

Hartman on Trump – POTUS’s US Marine Corp induction transcript revealed

Following the sad and untimely death of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman of the US Marine Corps, The Rochdale Herald has obtained an exclusive transcript of...

“I didn’t want to go to your poxy wedding anyway” says Theresa May

Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Theresa May, has announced that she didn't want to go to the...

Malaysian PM offers Greg Wallace out for a scrap over “crispy” rendang remark

Chef John Torode and "diner" Greg Wallace, presenters of BBC's Masterchef, managed to piss the populations of two countries off this week by criticising...

Cost of posting a letter first class rises to both legs below the knee

The rises in the cost of posting your mum's birthday card using The Royal Mail have now come into effect. A first-class stamp will now...
Ant and Dec

Ant and Dec to serve 6 months in Wormwood Scrubs together as judge couldn’t...

Comedy duo and twin brothers Ant and Dec are to serve a six month sentence together in Wormwood Scrubs prison. The unusual move has come...

Hollywood shocked as no Fast & Furious movie released this week after star’s arrest

Hollywood bigwigs and film goers alike were left reeling by the news that the seemingly endless Fast and Furious franchise does not have a...

Earth is Flat Confirms Cretin After Watching YouTube Video

Our foreign correspondent Miffy Bigboots reports from South London. A man at a loose end over the weekend changed his opinion on virtually everything after...
Slipping

Team GB aim for Olympic Gold in ‘Slipping over while carrying the shopping home’

Team GB have seen a few medal opportunities slip through their fingers in the first few days of the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics but have...

British man understands American football

A man from Newquay in Cornwall has revealed that he actually understands American football. With the BBC proclaiming that the Monday after the Hyperbole, or...

Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie,...

Some like it…NOT! Monroe fan’s £8k new look more like man’s best friend than...

French waiter Cyril Roux is a HUGE Marilyn Monroe fan. 'I guess you could say I'm addicted to injections,' mumbles Cyril Roux, a 32-year-old waiter...

Surgeons delighted to confirm the operation to remove Piers Morgan’s head from Donald Trump’s...

Surgeon's at London's exclusive Portland hospital have declared the Piersectomy a complete success. In an operation that lasted 8 hours, the world's finest surgeons have...

Follow us

53,760FansLike
66FollowersFollow
18,423FollowersFollow
20,676FollowersFollow

Popular Posts