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ThomasThomas

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Slipping

Team GB aim for Olympic Gold in ‘Slipping over while carrying the shopping home’

Team GB have seen a few medal opportunities slip through their fingers in the first few days of the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics but have...

British man understands American football

A man from Newquay in Cornwall has revealed that he actually understands American football.With the BBC proclaiming that the Monday after the Hyperbole, or...

Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team.Katie,...

Some like it…NOT! Monroe fan’s £8k new look more like man’s best friend than...

French waiter Cyril Roux is a HUGE Marilyn Monroe fan.'I guess you could say I'm addicted to injections,' mumbles Cyril Roux, a 32-year-old waiter...

Surgeons delighted to confirm the operation to remove Piers Morgan’s head from Donald Trump’s...

Surgeon's at London's exclusive Portland hospital have declared the Piersectomy a complete success.In an operation that lasted 8 hours, the world's finest surgeons have...

To a POTUS – a poem by Rabbi Burns

To a POTUSYon tangerine faced Yankee prick, that makes the people aw feel sick, who has a little tiny dick and a big red buttonHe's welcome not...

Smug twat who gave up smoking for New Year has no friends left

New depths of smugness have been plumbed by a man in Clitheroe who gave up smoking on the 1st of January.Tomothy Morning-Wood, who had...

Illusionist ‘Dynamo’ announces new chain of restaurants called AbraKebabra

Dead-pan mind boggler 'Dynamo' has announced that he will be opening a new chain of restaurants called 'AbraKebabra'.Bradford born 'Dynamo', real name Derren Copperfield,...

Your 60 second news round-up

Here's The Rochdale Herald's round-up of today's important news headlines:- UKIP leader's girlfriend is a nasty little racist- Nicola Sturgeon backs a second Scottish...

Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo

A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...

Bra fitters feel a right pair of tits after revealing the size of the...

Bra fitters Rigby & Peller have lost their Royal warrant after Buckingham Palace cancelled its contract with the company after they revealed intimate details...

Man-child chickens out of UK visit because people said mean things about him

Man-child and completely stable genius Donald Trump has reportedly cancelled his planned visit to the UK next month, according to the White House.Trump was...

IT department confirms that turning Maybot off and on again didn’t work

The latest attempt to reboot the Downing Street operating system failed after the Tory party IT department tried turning Maybot off and on again.Nigel...
Donald Trump Jr

Fire at Trump Tower definitely not Donald Trump Jr burning Russia dossier, confirms Donald...

New York - There has been more fire and fury today as a blaze at the top of Trump Tower in New York left...

CABINET RESHUFFLE – Boris Johnson becomes Health Secretary

Theresa May's eagerly anticipated cabinet reshuffle has begun.In what some would describe as "a bit of a surprise", the former Mayor of London and...

Storm Eleanor wreaks havoc after gate left open on wind farm

Met Office issues "risk to life" warnings with wind speeds over 80mph expected overnight.It has been revealed that Storm Eleanor, the latest storm to...

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