A Rochdale man that has just spent a month telling anyone within earshot or on the internet that all lives matter has said he’s furious that Boris Johnson has announced that 3 million Hong Kong residents are entitled to come to Britain.

Bill Board told us, “This is ridiculous, I didn’t vote Brexit so that 3 million people from Hong Kong could come over here. I wanted an end to freedom of movement, not more of it. Some of these people are educated and will be able to be employed easily. What are people that were last relevant when they were the hardest in year 8 going to do now?”

A spokesman for the Government said, “These people are British overseas national passport holders. The Chinese Government are shafting them in a similar way to the way we shafted them in the 19th century. It’s only right that we offer them a way out. If they were to stay they could be subject to human rights abuses and arbitrary imprisonment. This is the only real option we have.”

In response Bill Board said, “Charity begins at home and that’s where these people should stay. At least the Polish were white. These people should stay in Hong Kong and build their own nation. I’ve met Chinese people in my local takeaway and they’re nice people.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.