A 22 year old Rochdale resident has told us that his new ‘green’ job is actually just picking vegetables for £3.50 an hour.

Bill Board, who was recently made redundant from Rolls Royce told us, “I expected this kick starter job to be a way to improve my skills and be a much needed down payment on my future. It was going to be part of the green economy revolution. I was going to be working at the cutting edge of green technology. An opportunity to work with AI.  I thought it must be designing hydrogen fuel cells or working on nuclear fusion.”

Mr Board went on, “I got to the interview and was told it was going to be part of the green jobs movement. We’d be helping insulate buildings in a sustainable way and producing food in a more sustainable way. Turns out I’ve been stood on the roof of a disused pub for 5 hours shovelling manure and picking vegetables. It’s freezing cold, raining sideways and I’m trying to work out if this is mud or s**t.”

Mr Board told us, “Still, at least I’ll be able to go to a fancy restaurant and get 50% off the bill up to £10 which means it’s a KFC family bucket for me.”


Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.