Thursday, November 15, 2018

TERRIFYING new data reveals DANGER of reading Trump tweets about COMMERCIAL AIRLINES.

The latest figures covering deaths on American commercial airlines have shown a spectacular rise of OVER 1 MILLION per cent in 2017. The 2016 figure of ZERO deaths has suffered a million per...
Kings Cross Commuters

Railway commuters told to save money by becoming drug addicts and losing their jobs

Railway commuters have been told that it will now cost at least one internal organ for them to travel to work this year. Costs are said to be so high many would be better...
Southern Rail

Not getting to work with Southern Rail now 30% cheaper for 27 year olds

26 to 30 year old commuters were said to be jubilant today after Philip Hammond announced that from April 2018 it will be 30% to not get to work with Southern Rail. Philip Hammond told...

Ryanair cancels all flights to Russia

Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018. The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between June and July next year. The low-cost airline described the...
London Underground Train

Panicked London train commuters force open doors and flee onto tracks after friendly northerner...

London commuters forced open the doors of a packed rush hour tube train yesterday bringing the train to a complete standstill and causing power to the tracks to be cut off. Witnesses caught up...
Ryanair

Ryanair cancel 18,000 flights following huge increase in customer satisfaction

Ryanair have announced the cancellation of 18,000 flights. The cancellations affect 40,000 people with many Rochdale residents hopeful they'll be affected. A spokesman for Ryanair said, "Sure, we thought cancelling loads of flights would have...
Big Ben Spring

London residents devasted by Uber news

The news from TFL that taxi firm Uber will lose its licence to operate in London has devastated residents of the city's popular western boroughs. As a petition to overturn the decision moves past 400,000...

Southern Rail passengers treated for nausea after train unexpectedly moves

Reports from south London this afternoon state there was a dramatic and disturbing experience for dozens of Southern passengers when their train actually moved. The incident has been described by rail transport experts as unprecedented...
Ryanair

Ryanair trials passengerless planes

Following the success of Google's driverless car experiments, Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary has announced plans to shift the entire airline to passengerless planes. O'Leary said that the plan would maximise profits, as tickets would continue...
Ryanair

Ryanair admit their trial of pilotless planes hasn’t gone exactly as planned

Ryanair have admitted that their latest cost-cutting measure, planes without pilots, has not been a complete success. The airline, famed for its no-frills stance, with optional extras generally costing more than the actual ticket, had...

Southern Rail offer Ryanair passengers bus replacement service for cancelled flights

Budget pay and pray airline, Ryanair have decided to cancel flights due to staff realising their pay and conditions could be significantly improved if they no longer worked there. In a show of solidarity with...

Thomas the Tank Engine Outrage at Sodexit delay

The normally chipper blue tank engine Thomas has turned to social media to express his outrage at perceived delays in the Island of Sodor exiting the EU. “It’s an outrage said the outraged Engine we...
Ryanair

Ryanair to charge depressed passengers for emotional baggage

Ryanair have today announced that they will start charging depressed passengers for bringing emotional baggage with them onto their flights. The budget airline has said many customers will no longer be able to bring their...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail To Unveil New Passengerless Trains By 2018

Southern Rail have announced the latest innovation to their transport, passengerless trains. Following the announcement of a move to driverless trains, bosses have decided to phase out passengers too. “It’s all quite logical really,” CEO Rex...
Trucks

Driverless Lorries to throw bottles of piss out of windows and murder hitch-hikers by...

In a dramatic step of unmanned vehicle technology, unmanned lorries will be distributing litter at motorway junctions and "disappear" young hitchhikers by the end of next year, the government has announced. A contract has been...
White Walkers

HS2 in doubt as MP’s raise concerns over giving White Walker access to high...

Lord Chris Greyling, Secretary of State for Transport, revealed this afternoon that the government is considering changing its mind over HS2 out of health and safety concerns. The major concern stems from the worry that...

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