Sean Spicer to be the reassuring new voice of Southern Rail

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It was reported this morning that Southern Rail are headhunting Sean Spicer to be the new, reassuring voice of the beleaguered train service. It's thought...

Thomas the Tank Engine Outrage at Sodexit delay

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The normally chipper blue tank engine Thomas has turned to social media to express his outrage at perceived delays in the Island of Sodor...

Dozens dead after Chris Grayling attempts to make cup of tea

News is coming in this morning of a terrible incident in central London that has left dozens dead and many hundreds horribly wounded. Eyewitnesses have...
London Underground Train

Panicked London train commuters force open doors and flee onto tracks after friendly northerner...

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London commuters forced open the doors of a packed rush hour tube train yesterday bringing the train to a complete standstill and causing power...

Service improves slightly as RMT union goes on strike

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Thousands of commuters are experiencing slightly better service than normal this morning as members of the RMT union have gone on strike. "I knew my...
Big Ben Spring

London residents devasted by Uber news

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The news from TFL that taxi firm Uber will lose its licence to operate in London has devastated residents of the city's popular western...
Ryanair

Birmingham Airport begins Windows 10 update

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Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre...

Southern Rail passengers treated for nausea after train unexpectedly moves

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Reports from south London this afternoon state there was a dramatic and disturbing experience for dozens of Southern passengers when their train actually moved. The...
Trucks

Driverless Lorries to throw bottles of piss out of windows and murder hitch-hikers by...

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In a dramatic step of unmanned vehicle technology, unmanned lorries will be distributing litter at motorway junctions and "disappear" young hitchhikers by the end...

Socialist FURIOUS that train strike made him late for business meeting

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A self professed "die-hard Socialist" has admitted he's a bit pissed off with railway strikes. Chris P. Bacon told us, "I support the right to...
Southern Rail

After success with beavers in Scotland, trains to be reintroduced in South of England

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Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct...

New bay platform at Rochdale station opens

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Great news for Rochdalians! As of October there are now 4- count em! 4- platforms at the beautiful train station! The new platform - actually a...
Southern Rail

Not getting to work with Southern Rail now 30% cheaper for 27 year olds

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26 to 30 year old commuters were said to be jubilant today after Philip Hammond announced that from April 2018 it will be 30%...

ACEA: No U-Turn on Right-hand Drive Cars

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The European Automobile Manufacturers Association (ACEA: Association des Constructeurs Européens d'Automobiles) looks set to cease the production of right-hand drive vehicles by mid-2019. The decision...

Ryanair cancels all flights to Russia

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Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018. The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail To Unveil New Passengerless Trains By 2018

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Southern Rail have announced the latest innovation to their transport, passengerless trains. Following the announcement of a move to driverless trains, bosses have decided to...

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