“Travelling on virgin trains causes cancer” says Daily Mail
Health experts for the Daily Mail have revealed new evidence that travelling on Virgin trains causes cancer.
Daily Mail columnist, Biff Wellington told us, "We've...
Southern Rail To Unveil New Passengerless Trains By 2018
Southern Rail have announced the latest innovation to their transport, passengerless trains.
Following the announcement of a move to driverless trains, bosses have decided to...
Railway commuters told to save money by becoming drug addicts and losing their jobs
Railway commuters have been told that it will now cost at least one internal organ for them to travel to work this year. Costs...
Southern Rail whistleblower reveals driving a train ‘piece of piss’ compared to programming washer-dryer.
Following the furore over Philip Hammond's comments over female train drivers, The Rochdale Herald has been contacted by an employee of Southern Rail who...
Passengers of runaway train have pointless argument over who should pretend they’re driving
May means May
Passengers on the 11:12 Eurostar return to Britain have had a pointless argument over who is driving. The train, which is rapidly...
After success with beavers in Scotland, trains to be reintroduced in South of England
Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct...
Driverless Lorries to throw bottles of piss out of windows and murder hitch-hikers by...
In a dramatic step of unmanned vehicle technology, unmanned lorries will be distributing litter at motorway junctions and "disappear" young hitchhikers by the end...
Southern Rail passengers treated for nausea after train unexpectedly moves
Reports from south London this afternoon state there was a dramatic and disturbing experience for dozens of Southern passengers when their train actually moved.
The...
Thomas the Tank Engine Outrage at Sodexit delay
The normally chipper blue tank engine Thomas has turned to social media to express his outrage at perceived delays in the Island of Sodor...
Jo Swinson to present new series of ‘Great British Railway Journeys’
The BBC has announced that Jo Swinson will replace Michael Portillo as host of the show, in much the same way as a smug...
London residents devasted by Uber news
The news from TFL that taxi firm Uber will lose its licence to operate in London has devastated residents of the city's popular western...
Southern Rail strike to be delayed
A strike by Southern Rail drivers due on the 9th of January has now been put back until the 10th.
"We apologise for the late...
Theresa May fails fascist dictator litmus test after not getting trains to run on...
For the second time this week seasonally predictable temperatures have ground the railways to a virtual halt across the south and south-east of England....
Birmingham Airport begins Windows 10 update
Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre...
Socialist FURIOUS that train strike made him late for business meeting
A self professed "die-hard Socialist" has admitted he's a bit pissed off with railway strikes.
Chris P. Bacon told us, "I support the right to...
Southern Rail hire United Airlines CEO to improve customer service
Sir Horton Brown, head of Southern Rail’s parent Go Ahead and Govia companies is to be replaced this week by the CEO of United...
