Sean Spicer to be the reassuring new voice of Southern Rail

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It was reported this morning that Southern Rail are headhunting Sean Spicer to be the new, reassuring voice of the beleaguered train service. It's thought that managing the press relations with the travelling public in...

Amnesty International petition UN to halt Southern Rail human rights abuses

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Southern announced today that the endless years of appalling service were over. "We've been building to this moment." Someguywhohatespeoplesaid. "And today I can announce that we're replacing all our trains.” It seems the move was prompted by reports...

TERRIFYING new data reveals DANGER of reading Trump tweets about COMMERCIAL AIRLINES.

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The latest figures covering deaths on American commercial airlines have shown a spectacular rise of OVER 1 MILLION per cent in 2017. The 2016 figure of ZERO deaths has suffered a million per...
Daily Mail

“Travelling on virgin trains causes cancer” says Daily Mail

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Health experts for the Daily Mail have revealed new evidence that travelling on Virgin trains causes cancer. Daily Mail columnist, Biff Wellington told us, "We've looked at the data and there's a definite link. A...

Southern Rail strike to be delayed

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A strike by Southern Rail drivers due on the 9th of January has now been put back until the 10th. "We apologise for the late arrival of the strike," said a spokesbloke for the RMT,...

Passengers of runaway train have pointless argument over who should pretend they’re driving

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May means May Passengers on the 11:12 Eurostar return to Britain have had a pointless argument over who is driving.  The train, which is rapidly descending below the sea, has not had anyone in control...

Thousands Face Having to go to Work as RMT Calls for Driver Walk-In

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Hundreds of thousands of rail passengers face actually going to work as the RMT told Southern Rail employees to actually do their jobs. Staff will walk-in for 48 hours at midnight. A further 24-hour working...
Ryanair

Birmingham Airport begins Windows 10 update

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Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre to close down. A spokesman told us, "At 3 this afternoon...

Rail Companies to simplify process of deciding which is the worst

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Following recent criticism from the rail regulator, Train operating companies (TOCs) are to make it easier for travellers to decide which has the worst service.  Public perception has been guided to the false assumption that...

May Day, May Day, we’re going down, Conservatives nose dive in the polls.

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The conservative party proverbial plane has today fallen into a nose drive, falling by 10points in the polls over the weekend. The party's 3 top press correspondence officers have grabbed the emergency parachutes and have bailed out,...
Ryanair

Ryanair cancel 18,000 flights following huge increase in customer satisfaction

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Ryanair have announced the cancellation of 18,000 flights. The cancellations affect 40,000 people with many Rochdale residents hopeful they'll be affected. A spokesman for Ryanair said, "Sure, we thought cancelling loads of flights would have...
Ryanair

Ryanair to charge depressed passengers for emotional baggage

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Ryanair have today announced that they will start charging depressed passengers for bringing emotional baggage with them onto their flights. The budget airline has said many customers will no longer be able to bring their...
Kings Cross Commuters

Railway commuters told to save money by becoming drug addicts and losing their jobs

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Railway commuters have been told that it will now cost at least one internal organ for them to travel to work this year. Costs are said to be so high many would be better...
Big Ben Spring

London residents devasted by Uber news

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The news from TFL that taxi firm Uber will lose its licence to operate in London has devastated residents of the city's popular western boroughs. As a petition to overturn the decision moves past 400,000...

United Airlines passengers have it easy, complain Ryanair passengers

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Following reports of a United Airlines passenger being violently removed from an overbooked flight on Sunday, angry Ryanair passengers have demanded to know why they can't be treated with the same level of dignity. Several...
White Walkers

HS2 in doubt as MP’s raise concerns over giving White Walker access to high...

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Lord Chris Greyling, Secretary of State for Transport, revealed this afternoon that the government is considering changing its mind over HS2 out of health and safety concerns. The major concern stems from the worry that...

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