Ryanair

Ryanair to charge depressed passengers for emotional baggage

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Ryanair have today announced that they will start charging depressed passengers for bringing emotional baggage with them onto their flights. The budget airline has said...

Theresa May fails fascist dictator litmus test after not getting trains to run on...

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For the second time this week seasonally predictable temperatures have ground the railways to a virtual halt across the south and south-east of England....
Range Rover

It’s the will of the people – Jaguar Land Rover tells redundant employees

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Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people. Employee Bill Board told...

Daily Mail reveals that travelling on Virgin trains cures cancer

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In a surprising u-turn, The Daily Mail has reported that travelling on Virgin trains cures cancer. The report comes a week after it was reported...

United Airlines passengers have it easy, complain Ryanair passengers

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Following reports of a United Airlines passenger being violently removed from an overbooked flight on Sunday, angry Ryanair passengers have demanded to know why...
Southern Rail

British Airways Awarded Southern Rail Franchise

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British Airways CEO Alex Cruising has spoken at his joy over the airline being awarded the shambolic Southern Rail Service. "We can do this." He...
Trucks

Driverless Lorries to throw bottles of piss out of windows and murder hitch-hikers by...

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In a dramatic step of unmanned vehicle technology, unmanned lorries will be distributing litter at motorway junctions and "disappear" young hitchhikers by the end...

May Day, May Day, we’re going down, Conservatives nose dive in the polls.

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The conservative party proverbial plane has today fallen into a nose drive, falling by 10points in the polls over the weekend. The party's 3 top press...
London Underground Train

Panicked London train commuters force open doors and flee onto tracks after friendly northerner...

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London commuters forced open the doors of a packed rush hour tube train yesterday bringing the train to a complete standstill and causing power...
Daily Mail

“Travelling on virgin trains causes cancer” says Daily Mail

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Health experts for the Daily Mail have revealed new evidence that travelling on Virgin trains causes cancer. Daily Mail columnist, Biff Wellington told us, "We've...
Fast Train

Petition to slow trains to Birmingham to walking pace hits 70 million signatures

A petition to slow down trains headed to Birmingham from London has hit almost 70 million signatures in under two hours today. “Why on Earth...
Kings Cross Commuters

Railway commuters told to save money by becoming drug addicts and losing their jobs

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Railway commuters have been told that it will now cost at least one internal organ for them to travel to work this year. Costs...
Cat's Eyes

Traffic chaos as ALF steal M62 cat’s eyes

The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the...
White Walkers

HS2 in doubt as MP’s raise concerns over giving White Walker access to high...

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Lord Chris Greyling, Secretary of State for Transport, revealed this afternoon that the government is considering changing its mind over HS2 out of health...
Brexiter

Daily Mail reveal United Airlines assault victim once had an overdue library book

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It has been revealed today that Dr David Dao, the passenger on a United Airlines flight who was beaten for sitting in a seat...

Ryanair cancels all flights to Russia

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Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018. The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between...

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