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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.

Stop calling us liars, lying racist shitsticks tell Microsoft

The Daily Mail is calling for a web browser alert that tells readers that prolonged exposure to its website will turn them...

Patriotic billionaire Brexit supporter patriotically moves headquarters to Singapore

A Brexit supporting patriotic billionaire is so confident that Brexit is good for business that he's decided to move the headquarters of...

Twats on train don’t know they’re twats

A large group of noisy twats on a train from London to Yorkshire are apparently unaware that they are all colossal twats.
Prince Philip

Prince Philip declared fit to work by Atos

Prince Philip has been declared fit for work by Atos less than an hour after he was involved in car accident earlier...

Saudi Women win right to be dumped by text

In a landmark ruling in Saudi Arabia women have finally won the right to be dumped by text message.

If sausage rolls were made out of Piers Morgan we’d make an exception, confirm...

Vegans around the UK have unanimously voted to have Piers Morgan reclassified as a vegetable so that they can murder and eat...

Probably not as many paedophiles on New Year’s honours list as usual, say Buckingham...

Buckingham Palace has confirmed today that there was probably an unusually small number of paedophiles on this year's New Year's Honours list.

Piers Morgan quits Good Morning Britain to reprise Pigeon Lady role in Home Alone...

Piers Morgan has reportedly quit Good Morning Britain this week in order to reprise his award-winning role of Pigeon Lady in the...
Theresa May Christmas

Theresa May gets into Christmas spirit by ordering census and slaughtering first born children

Theresa May has finally got into the spirit of Christmas by ordering a massive census of everybody in the UK and slaughtering all of...
White House Christmas

Children excited it’s only three US defence secretaries until Christmas

Children all across America are giddy with excitement that it is now officially only three US defence secretaries until Christmas morning. The news comes after...

Only one more sleep until Dads start Christmas shopping

Dads are said to be giddy with excitement at the news that it's only one more sleep until they can start their Christmas shopping. Dads...
Die Hard 2

Gatwick drone operators arrested after shootout at abandoned church and ski-doo chase across frozen...

A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to...
Theresa May

Theresa May accused of muttering in parliament “fuck em, let em starve”

Theresa May was accused of muttering the words "fuck em, let em starve" in parliament on Wednesday. May appeared to mutter the words during a...
Stevenage

Slums angered after being compared to Stevenage by Lewis Hamilton

Lewis Hamilton has upset slums all over the world by comparing them to Stevenage. The five-time Formula 1 world champion made the faux pas while...

Satire Aid has bought 3,500 presents worth more than £31,000!

A quick Satire Aid update for you. The amazing readers of The Rochdale Herald, NewsThump, Tuckered, U Ok Hun and Angry People in Local...
Britannia Hotel

Homeless virgin gives birth in Britannia Hotel car park after being told no room...

News is coming in that a homeless virgin has given birth to a baby boy in the car park of the Royal Hull Hotel...

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