Monday, October 22, 2018
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson wins coveted softest mouth in Hull prison award

Tommy Robinson has been voted HMP Hull's softest mouth award. Mr Robinson will be awarded the prize in a ceremony to be held on the roof of the prison. One insider told us, "Tommy is already...
Kanye West

Fred and Rose distance themselves from Kanye

The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in no way affiliated with or agree with the views of...
Police

Expansion of stop and search powers opposed by MPs and other criminals

Leaked Home Office document shows that the high concentration of police at the entrance to Parliament could lead to unprecedented levels of stop and search, hindering MPs' entrance and exit from Westminster. A spike in...
Policing

Cuts in police lead to cuts in Londoners

Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality. A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in serious violent crime, according to a leaked Home Office document...

Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested

A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.

Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home

Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year. In a telephone call Mr Assange told us, "It's been a tiring year. In the summer I stood...

“I did not have fap relations with my work computer” says Damien Green

The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer at work. The claims have been made by an ex...

Rochdale trolley collector quits job, anaesthetises pigeon and cuts off let to pursue career...

A Rochdale man has today spoken exclusively to the Herald about his short-lived career as a pirate. Captain Lidl Beard had been working as a trolley collector at The Rochdale branch of Lidl until quitting...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting. The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...

Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW

A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that they will be supporting Brazil in the football. Artemisa Yousir, originally...

MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns

Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier. The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a public statement after being named in the so called “Dirty...
Milk Tray Man

Milk Tray man jailed for breaking and entering

A former chocolate delivery man broke into dozens of women’s homes over a 50 year period leaving unwanted chocolates and creepy handwritten notes. Gary Myers, 76 from Middleton in Lancashire, was jailed for 30 months after...

Unmasked – The Real Jack the Ripper

The question of the identity of the serial killer known as ‘The Whitechapel Murderer’, ‘Leather Apron’ or, most famously Jack the Ripper has been hotly contested since the culprit first brought terror to the...

Men warned not to date clever & pretty girls who might get “a bit...

A Judge has warned men that they only have themselves to blame if they date very clever, very pretty girls who are "a bit stabby." Judge Salted Pringle said that male victims often have themselves...
magistrates court

Rochdale Man jailed for 15 years for leaving teabag in sink

Rochdale man Steve Dickinson (38 and a half) has been convicted to 15 years in prison after being found guilty of leaving his teabag in the sink. Mr Dickinson made a cup of tea on...
Shoplifter

Beautiful young women on trial to be judged by ugly middle aged women in...

A new selection process has been announced for assigning judges to trials, taking into account both gender and aesthetics. This move will see all beautiful young women judged in future by ugly middle-aged women,...

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