Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested

A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.

MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns

Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier. The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a public statement after being named in the so called “Dirty...

Men warned not to date clever & pretty girls who might get “a bit...

A Judge has warned men that they only have themselves to blame if they date very clever, very pretty girls who are "a bit stabby." Judge Salted Pringle said that male victims often have themselves...
Brian Cox

Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...

Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.

Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty

A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great career prospects, went to an expensive school and are really...
Paddington Bear

Outrage as Paddington Bear deported back to Peru

Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of unlikely literary immigrants to Britain. A spokesman for the Home Office Department...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.

Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten off with a premium sex toy. The attacker forced his way...

Britain First’s Paul Golding to release prison memoir ‘My Struggul’

In tribute to the rabidly anti-Jewish fascist Adolf Hitler, the rabidly anti-Muslim fascist Paul Golding, former leader of Britain First, is doing a sponsored spell in prison over the nest few months. He'll be asking...

Wanker punches Dickhead. Dickhead in serious condition

News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.
Burkina

Outrage as women flout Burkini ban on Rochdale beach

Police were called yesterday afternoon after a large group of women were caught flouting the controversial "Burkini Ban" on Rochdale's world famous Stansfield Beach. Members of the public walking their dogs were distressed to see...

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