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Boris Johnson

Monster fatberg found in Boris Johnson’s head

A monster fatberg the size of two double decker buses has been found inside the head of rotund foreign secretary Boris Johnson, Trev Panning,...
Belgian Beer

Belgian brewers threaten budget busting Brexit blackmail beer price boost

The world’s biggest beer company, Belgium based Anheuser-Busch Inbev warned Monday that the drop in value of Sterling in the wake of the UK's...

Secret owners of 1 million tax dodging companies registered in British Virgin Islands furious...

The secret owners of an estimated one million companies registered in the British Virgin Islands Sunday registered their displeasure at the UK government's slow...
Kate Middleton

Duchess of Cambridge to host special royal edition of Bake Off

Hot on the news that she is expecting her third child Channel 4 has announced that the Duchess of Cambridge is to present a...

Supermassive black hole found at the heart of the Conservative Party

Scientists working at Rochdale university announced Monday that they have proved the existence of supermassive black hole at the heart of the Conservative Party. "Imagine...

Barnier threatens UK leaflet drop to explain Brexit dangers Davis predicts boom days for...

EU chief negotiator Michel Barnier Monday warned that Brussels could take the unusual step of dropping leaflets explaining the dangers of the UK leaving...
Theresa May

Theresa May admits using ‘BREXOMATHICS’ to calculate number of overstaying foreign students

"It's so simple, you take a real number and keep doubling it until everyone's eyes light up," explained May pointing out that it worked...

Light spectroscopy confirms Trump wears a toupee and it’s 70% alpaca

Donald Trump's hair is partly fake, and the fake part is not even human hair, but alpaca, scientists working for NASA's Astronomical spectroscopy division...

After being pussy whipped by North Korea, Trump turns his attention to Afganyst Agfhanist...

Having been pussy-whipped by North Korea in the Pacific, US president Donald Trump has signalled his readiness to turn his military attention to Afganyst...
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg descended from German immigrants genieologists confirm

Plans by eccentric far right conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg to be elected leader of the Conservative party have been delivered a body blow as...

Amazon issues cease and desist order against Moon, claiming copyright on e-clipse

Online megatrader Amazon has issued a cease and desist order against the Moon, obliging the satellite to end its intended traverse between the Sun...
Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey records shock cover of Dead Kennedy’s ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’ in support...

Born again Christian pop singer and self styled "voice of the MTV generation" Mariah Carey, has sent shock waves through tin pan alley with...
Pauline Hanson

Australian MPs vote unanimously to make burka compulsory for Pauline Hanson

Former chip shop owner Hanson later complained that the decision proved conclusively the unwarranted discrimination faced by women wearing Islamic garb in Australia and vowed that she would fight tooth and nail to ensure they enjoyed the same rights as other Australian women just as soon as she'd finished fighting to have them all deported.

Farage to Play Farage in “Brexit the movie”

Spielberg declined to outline the full plot of "Brexit" but did confirm that it would involve a number of "dream sequences" in which Farage wrestles and kills a great white shark, unearths the ark of the covenant, liberates Auschwitz, clones dinosaurs and rescues an American soldier trapped behind German lines in world war two France.

Nuclear holocaust averted as Southern Rail selected to deliver US missile attack

A spokesman for Southern Rail confirmed to the Rochdale Herald that in view of the anticipated two day delay the four minute warning given in advance of nuclear attacks would consequently be extended to 2,880 minutes.
Walking Holiday

Swiss banks confirm Theresa May’s walking holiday was great for business

"Normally we only get foreign potentates, third world dictators, drug magnates and the odd closet Nazi holidaying here," said Herman Gnom, spokesman for Zurich's Lavamatbank explaining that footage of a genuine prime minister - even one with no majority, no mandate and about to be deposed by her own party has been a huge boost for Swiss banks' credibility.

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