Theresa May admits using ‘BREXOMATHICS’ to calculate number of overstaying foreign students

“It’s so simple, you take a real number and keep doubling it until everyone’s eyes light up,” explained May pointing out that it worked splendidly for calculating the amount of money the UK doesn’t send to the EU and can’t now give to the NHS.

“People loved it, they sprayed it on the sides of busses and all sorts,” she said explaining that the important thing with numbers is that people like them.

“For example when we cut disability benefits, Mail and Express readers were ecstatic that we were no longer subsidising a bunch of lazy flids and mongs,” she added,

“Re-allocating the £4.57 we saved has proved very popular with our Brexit negotiators who have been given increased daily expenses, while the lazy limbless lumps have been forced to get some exercise instead of getting free bus passes,” she smirked adding that she had suggested to UK chancellor Albert Hammond, that he use “BREXOMATHICS” on his next budget.

“The Greeks used a similar system for decades with the result that Brussels gave them shed loads of free cash,” she laughed, suggesting that if successful the ploy could mean Brussels itself paying the UK’s Brexit bill, currently estimated at around £35 billion.

The controversial “BREXOMATHICS” estimation system was first developed in the 1980’s as a corollary to the US developed Multi-System-Upscaling (MSU) method of calculating the size of the nuclear threat posed by the then Soviet block. It was later adapted in reverse by the Metropolitan Police for estimating the number of people on demonstrations protesting against the exponential increase in the number of US nuclear weapons being deployed in the UK in response to that Soviet threat.

However MSU was subsequently discredited when a former official from the Reagan White House admitted that it actually stood for “Making Shit Up”. However this admission came too late to prevent a more advanced MSU algorithm being deployed by the Bush and Blair governments to calculate the number of “weapons of mass destruction” held by Saddam Hussein..

A spokesman for the Belgian confederation of seafood restaurants confirmed to the Herald that the UK’s Brexit negotiators who arrived in Brussels Tuesday, have been hard at work utilising their generously upscaled expenses.

“Gannets doesn’t do them justice, they’d eat the furniture if we told them it was a fish and slapped a €100 price tag on it – great for us but you have to wonder what the Brits forced to use food banks think of it,” he said.