Flush from the success of Brexit, the EU Commission has been swift to demonstrate what the future looks like without a good hard Brit.  Orleans the morning of 14 February, President Macron’s rallying cry of “yes we Caen have Toulouse” has been roundly endorsed by other European nations.

“For too long, our European people have been divided into Le Havres and le have-nots.  But from this day forward, every bathroom in our great Union shall have Toulouse.  When you puttez your Asineres-sur-Seine, you may turn to your Nancy or your Saint-Dennis next you, and say Grand Est C’est Reunion.  Would that not be Nice?” insisted Macron.

“I’d be Lyon if I disagreed,” concurred the German Chancellor Angela Merkel, “this is not something just for Le Mans, it is for those of us who have ze Brest too.  Wars have been fought over the position of the toilet seat.  I admit, it Angers me, and this situation has continued for Toulon.  With this fine regulation, the Brits will be Rouen the day they left.”

With tears still tricloring down Remainers’ faces, wondering if they will ever get to the bakery in La Rochelle, what happens next could define the UK for years to come.

Fortunately, we understand that despite Brexit, the UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson may adopt the EU regulations and even go so far as to install Toulouse in Downing Street.  He is thought to see the efficiency savings from sitting on one and talking into the other.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?