Wednesday, August 22, 2018
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Johnny Wapping

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Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson to fund scholarship for white working class kids to go to Oxford

Tommy Robinson has announced on A-level results day that he will be funding two White Working Class British students to go to the University...
Idris Elba

Leaked Bond script just ninety minutes of Idris Elba’s Aston Martin being stopped by...

Latest Bond film, Stop and be Searched, shows James Bond as you have never seen him before After speculation in recent months that the next...

Gaucho steak restaurant chain latest to get burnt by borrowing to beef up returns

Restaurant chain Gaucho, and its sister Cau, collapsed into administration this week, after it was steered into a series of financial mis-steaks Administrators have taken...
AR-15

Americans forced to drink milkshakes through AR-15 assault rifles after plastic straw ban hits...

The unjust plastic straw ban threatens the American way of life, but citizens are finding an innovative way to beat the ban.   Consuming tens of...

Does my bum look big on top of this broken ambulance?

Several women have taken to the top of ambulances in their latest quest for reassurance about their weight Becky Donaldson, 23, is fairly confident she...

Child believes summers are warm and England are good at football

Worrying news reaches us from a Rochdale suburb of a child who has not yet learned the truth There are certain core truths you learn...
Basil Fawlty

Don’t mention the VAR, Germany defeated in Russia, again

Football fans worldwide embrace each other in collective schadenfreude In their smart new uniforms designed by Hugo Boss, Germany's topsporters had been confident of a...

Irishman confused by difference between abortions and prosecuting women

An Irish fella is presently proving himself more full of gas than a tinker's hound by spouting no end of shite on the twitters....
Sadiq Khan

Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab

Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts...
Trump Idiotic

I thought they would be white, sighs Trump

President Trump incensed at travelling half way round the world to meet hostages that were not even white Donald Trump has spoken today of his...
Amber Rudd

I’m glad she can spend more time with family, says deported Brit who won’t...

Amber Rudd has resigned as Home Secretary, saying she "inadvertently misled" MPs over which policies of her predecessor, Theresa May, she was continuing to...

It’s impossible to sandpaper a netball, concede Australians

Long standing dominance of sport by Australia and New Zealand ended by incredible English performance Some say Australian carpentry skill brings them closer to Christ....

RAF successfully destroy evidence of UK chemicals exports

Targeted strikes destroy invoices, with only minor collateral damage to Syrian accountants. RAF Bomber Command confirmed the series of raids sanctioned by the May government...
Homeless Man

Government toasts success as rate of reduction in homelessness doubles

Homeless reduction is the latest resounding success for Britain's most popular female Prime Minister ever. The May Government has shown that not only may it...
Elderly Couple

New survey shows 52% of Daily Mail readers have masturbated to The World At...

Researchers at the University of Rochdale reveal the enduring popularity of the 1970s documentary for gammon spank fodder. The 1970s documentary, The World At War,...
Police

Expansion of stop and search powers opposed by MPs and other criminals

Leaked Home Office document shows that the high concentration of police at the entrance to Parliament could lead to unprecedented levels of stop and...

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