Monday, August 20, 2018

Catalonia makes a break for Eurovision glory

Catalonia today announced a bold step to break out on their own and go for it alone. Not since the 11th century has there been such a demand in Catalonia to sing from the...

Spain Says ‘Direct Rule Impossible’ after Entire Catalan Population Hides

Spanish Prime-Minister Marion Rajoy has tonight been unable to suspend the Catalonian Parliament after their leader along with the rest of the population went into hiding, it has emerged. The unexpected discovery was made shortly...
Catalonia

Spain apologises to Catalonia saying I’m sorry you made me hit you

THE SPANISH GOVERNMENT'S representative in Catalonia has, sort of, apologised to those injured by the Iberian Stasi during Sunday's independence referendum. Enric Millo, playing the drunken wife-beater to Catalonia’s spouse-in-the-corner, blamed the Catalan Government for...

Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy wins European Thundercunt of the year award

The Spanish Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, was thrilled to learn last night that he has won the coveted European Thundercunt of the Year Award after ordering stormtroopers to beat old ladies and shopkeepers black...

We tried democracy and Franco-ly it’s not for us, Spanish government tells voters

The Prime Minister of Spain has told voters that democracy isn't for them and it refuses to recognise the result of a referendum on Catalonian independence. Catalonia, which is Spain's answer to Scotland, has...

DUP ask Merkel for one billion Euros to give her their support in Bundestag

News broke this morning that the Northern Ireland political party, the DUP, has demanded one billion euros from Angela Merkel in order to support her CDU party in the Bundestag. It's believed Ms Merkel is...
Belgian Beer

Belgian brewers threaten budget busting Brexit blackmail beer price boost

The world’s biggest beer company, Belgium based Anheuser-Busch Inbev warned Monday that the drop in value of Sterling in the wake of the UK's decision to leave the EU will inevitably lead to a...
Theresa May

Theresa May admits using ‘BREXOMATHICS’ to calculate number of overstaying foreign students

"It's so simple, you take a real number and keep doubling it until everyone's eyes light up," explained May pointing out that it worked splendidly for calculating the amount of money the UK doesn't...
Queue

Border Free Travel sounds like a good idea, says Brexit voter who queued four...

A Brexit voter who spent four hours queueing in passport control has suggested that maybe border free travel in Europe is a good thing. Jo King, 46, from Rochdale, has just got back from a...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”

British expats outraged as boat full of migrants wash up on their Spanish beach

Beachgoers were surprised by the sight of dozens of migrants scrambling out of the surf today at the Playa de los Alemanes resort in Spain’s Cadiz province. A vessel carrying migrants from the north African...
Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins killed and eaten by starving migrants

Mail Online columnist Katie Hopkins' plan to drown migrants attempting to cross the Mediterranean to prevent them coming to the UK has been put on hold after the controversial hatemonger was killed and eaten...
French Military

French Head of Military resigns after Macron cuts £1bn from White Flag Budget

General Pierre de Villiers today sensationally quit as Head of the French Military in a row over cuts to the French White Flag budget. General de Villiers said that if the budget cuts went through...
Spanish Inquisition

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, says King Felipe of Spain

During his state visit, the king of Spain addressed the British parliament yesterday. All went well until the king dropped the G-bomb: Gibraltar. A body of Conservative MPs, led by Sir Roderick Bartleby-McSmythe MP...
Ceuta

Ceuta is nothing like Gibraltar, King Felipe of Spain tells UK without hint of...

The Spanish King called for a deal on the status of Gibraltar yesterday. King Felipe VI clarified in no uncertain terms that: “The status of Gibraltar, a 6.7km2 British Overseas Territory located on the Southern...
water cannon

German Police deploy hydration wagons to cool off crowd outside G20 summit

Police in Hamburg Germany have deployed Mobile Hydration Wagons in an effort to cool down overheated and thirsty crowds gathered out side the G20 Summit, which is currently hosting talks between world leaders. Police liaison...

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