Marine Le Pen

Marine Le Pen demands Malian be charged with breaking and entering

Marine Le Pen has demanded to know why a Malian refugee was given citizenship and not arrested for breaking and entering over the weekend. The man saved the life of a small child after...

No Government is better than a bad Government Italy tells UK

Italian President, Sergio Mattarella has told the UK that having no Government is better than having a bad Government following the Italian people electing to go with none of the above in the most recent election. The Herald...
Angela Merkel

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to piss off in person

Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, is due to meet with Theresa May later today to spit in her face and tell her to piss off in person. Theresa May is said to be very excited...

Cheap Nutella latest in long list of things French will riot about

Sweetened hazelnut cocoa spread joins all the other things the frogs are hopping mad about News broke this week that the French, yes, that lot over there with le hoh hee hoh hee hoh, have...

Macron wants UK to give him head in return for Bayeux tapestry

Monarchists were today outraged by the suggestion by Emmanuel Macron, President of France, that the severed heads of the British royal family would be an appropriate gift in exchange for the loan of the...

Catalonia makes a break for Eurovision glory

Catalonia today announced a bold step to break out on their own and go for it alone. Not since the 11th century has there been such a demand in Catalonia to sing from the...

Spain Says ‘Direct Rule Impossible’ after Entire Catalan Population Hides

Spanish Prime-Minister Marion Rajoy has tonight been unable to suspend the Catalonian Parliament after their leader along with the rest of the population went into hiding, it has emerged. The unexpected discovery was made shortly...
Catalonia

Spain apologises to Catalonia saying I’m sorry you made me hit you

THE SPANISH GOVERNMENT'S representative in Catalonia has, sort of, apologised to those injured by the Iberian Stasi during Sunday's independence referendum. Enric Millo, playing the drunken wife-beater to Catalonia’s spouse-in-the-corner, blamed the Catalan Government for...

Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy wins European Thundercunt of the year award

The Spanish Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, was thrilled to learn last night that he has won the coveted European Thundercunt of the Year Award after ordering stormtroopers to beat old ladies and shopkeepers black...

We tried democracy and Franco-ly it’s not for us, Spanish government tells voters

The Prime Minister of Spain has told voters that democracy isn't for them and it refuses to recognise the result of a referendum on Catalonian independence. Catalonia, which is Spain's answer to Scotland, has...

DUP ask Merkel for one billion Euros to give her their support in Bundestag

News broke this morning that the Northern Ireland political party, the DUP, has demanded one billion euros from Angela Merkel in order to support her CDU party in the Bundestag. It's believed Ms Merkel is...
Belgian Beer

Belgian brewers threaten budget busting Brexit blackmail beer price boost

The world’s biggest beer company, Belgium based Anheuser-Busch Inbev warned Monday that the drop in value of Sterling in the wake of the UK's decision to leave the EU will inevitably lead to a...
Theresa May

Theresa May admits using ‘BREXOMATHICS’ to calculate number of overstaying foreign students

"It's so simple, you take a real number and keep doubling it until everyone's eyes light up," explained May pointing out that it worked splendidly for calculating the amount of money the UK doesn't...
Queue

Border Free Travel sounds like a good idea, says Brexit voter who queued four...

A Brexit voter who spent four hours queueing in passport control has suggested that maybe border free travel in Europe is a good thing. Jo King, 46, from Rochdale, has just got back from a...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”

British expats outraged as boat full of migrants wash up on their Spanish beach

Beachgoers were surprised by the sight of dozens of migrants scrambling out of the surf today at the Playa de los Alemanes resort in Spain’s Cadiz province. A vessel carrying migrants from the north African...

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