THE SPANISH GOVERNMENT’S representative in Catalonia has, sort of, apologised to those injured by the Iberian Stasi during Sunday’s independence referendum.

Enric Millo, playing the drunken wife-beater to Catalonia’s spouse-in-the-corner, blamed the Catalan Government for holding an illegal vote. “You did this shit to yourself” he said “I didn’t want to do it – I’m sorry, but you make me so mad” he continued to rant.

Meanwhile the Government in Madrid has issued a decree making it easier to buy lengths of rubber hose. And to try to persuade businesses to leave the region.

“Stay in Spain where you are safe and we respect the rule of law” he continued without a hint of irony. In the first apology by a Spanish government official ever.

Typically these things are covered up by declaring victory and awarding medals to El Presidente.

But after watching videos of Storm Troopers seizing ballot boxes from old men and women, Mr Millo said he could not help but “regret it and apologise on behalf of the brave Heroes that defended the Imperial Spanish Empire from the Catalonian dogs”