Terrorist response strategy in disarray after meeting room mix up

Today's COBRA meeting had to be abandoned after it was discovered that Cabinet Office Briefing Room A had already been booked by Trevor from HR.The HR meeting could not be moved because, by...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail awarded plum DUP transport contract

World renowned transport provider Southern Rail have been awarded the plum contract of providing locomotion between Belfast and Westminster for DUP politicians.Southern will take care of all transport needs for Arlene Foster and anyone...

Herald’s Handy Handbooks For Ms May: The Gays and their Acronyms

Theresa May says not to worry about DUP views on “LGB….what’s the rest of it?”The Prime Minister met the 1922 Committee of Conservative backbenchers amid controversy over the governments discussions with the Democratic Unionist...

Editorial – A light in the dark for stroke survivors

Here at The Rochdale Herald we support several charities. One of those charities is Different Strokes the UK charity for younger stroke survivors.Today sees the launch of Different Strokes’ Light In The Dark campaign...

This weeks front pages, at a glance

This weeks news, after a glance at the front pages...Ant and Dec secure trade deal with Australia ahead of 'Hard Brexit'. Tesco set to be first supermarket in UK to stock ostrich anus.Lags in...

This week’s front pages, at a glance

'Mr Shifty' Philip Green is exonerated of all wrongdoing when it transpires he is actually a seven year old boy. Forced to wear a pink frock and listen to the band McFly, he is...

This week’s front pages, at a glance

 Rod Stewart's family confirm that decades in the entertainment industry have addled his brains, as he turns up at Buckingham Palace demanding to be named 'Sir Scotty McScottsman, Knight of King Arthur's Round Table,...

This week’s front pages

100 BBC stars are to be anally probed as punishment for their historical sex crimes, in what the taxman is calling "Operation Free Lego Toy'As the value of the pound plummets, Clarkson is forced...
Aunty Angela

Aunty Angela’s Agony Corner

Dear Aunty Angela,I think my husband is cheating on me. We've been married for 15 years. He works in advertising and his job requires him to be away from home a lot. I'm a...

Today’s Front Page Stories, at a glance

Poldark lookalike Liam Fox claims UK business is fat and lazy. "Look at those fat lazy business bastards. Gross. HAHAHAHAHAHA."Richard O'Brian lookalike Theresa May announces 'Education Time Warp' to be title song in upcoming...

Your sometimes weekly horoscopes…

Here are this week's horoscopes. Or are they next week's? Meh. It's all nonsense anyway... Aries Sometimes you might think people are out to get you. They are, you are being stalked and should be very,...

Today’s Front Page Stories, at a glance

In a super top secret meeting that took place in Brussels back in June, Jude Law was named as Libya's most dangerous people smuggler. HMS Diamond has been dispatched by the British Navy to...

Today’s Front Page Stories, at a glance

Sheep botherer and delusional king hopeful Prince Charles is outraged at being classed as obese.'I couldn't give a tinker's cuss about the bloody NHS' he told us 'I can afford Bupa. I'm minted. But...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 1.8.16/7.8.16

Apologies for missing last week, but nothing interesting happened in your pathetic lives anyway. And I knew it wouldn't, so I felt I deserved some time off. Anyway, I'm sick of giving my powers...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 18.7.16/24.7.16

Thanks to a weekend ripped to the tits on PCP, mescaline, cocaine and cheap speed, I have been enduring hideous hallucinations and nightmarish visions, so everyone's horoscopes for the week will be represented by...

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