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Rob Nelmes

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Calendar

Latest theory on the structure of the Gregorian calendar revealed.

Following alleged intense research on the part of our Ace reporter, The Rochdale Herald is able to reveal the latest acadamic theory surrounding the...
Scientists

Scientist confirms it’s impossible to grow potato behind an ear

A top Agricultural scientist at Cambridge University has revealed that potatoes cannot grow behind or even in a persons earlobe. This shock news comes...

Scottish man DIES after drinking a glass of WATER

The first fatality caused by the price increase on alcohol in Scotland was announced this morning. Ian McCreedy aged 42 died at his local...

Computer driven people are a menace say self-driven cars

Over the last ten years or so, humans have been becoming more and more computer-driven. Cars are speaking out against this worrying trend. In a...
White House

Vladimir Putin Secures Another Term At The White House

Russian President, Vladimir Putin, won a landslide victory in last night's election which securing his place as leader of the USA. As predicted, Putin secured...

Samsung unveil S1 at Burnley Tech Conference along with steam iron and Flymo

Gobsmacked attendees at the inaugural CES (Consumer Electronics Show) at Burnley Community Centre looked on in awe as Samsung unveiled its Galaxy S1 mobile...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering...
Fox hunting

If we didn’t hunt foxes, horses would only do it themselves

An avid fox hunter has spoken out against the notion that his chosen 'sport' is in any way cruel to fox, hound or horse. Sir...

Burnley residents “Delighted” by the introduction of BBC2 in the area

BBC2 finally came to Burnley yesterday. The TV channel, which first aired to the british public in 1967, finally made its first transmition to...

Mystic Rob explains what the stars have in store for you this week

Our resident astrologer "Mystic Rob" guides you through the week ahead. Aries - The Casio watch. You have trouble opening a new bottle...

Roboscopes with Mystic Rob – What do the stars have in store for you?

Let our resident astrologer "Mystic Rob" take you on a journey through the stars to see what this week will bring. ARIES - The discarded...

Barrymore seeks planning permission for bigger pool after High Court throws out Blair war...

It is being reported that Michael Barrymore is all set to appeal to the High Court for planning permission for a second swimming pool...

McVitie’s and Walkers crisps back plans to decriminalise cannabis

Mcvities and Walkers crisps have allegedly got behind a backbench revolt to decriminalise cannabis. Plans are already being made to reclassify cannabis from a class...
horoscopes

HorrorScopes

Aries - The Dead Postman Things are looking up for you this week. You break your neck in a car crash on Wednesday. You will...
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Paul Golding Christmas Carol

Jingle Bells My cell smells It's gloomy and its rank I only pissed some Muslims off Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey Jingle Bells This is hell I don't think...

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