Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg to be put out to stud

Jacob Rees-Mogg MP is reported to be in the process of choosing a nice green field near to his family home at Wentworth Woodhouse where he will father the next generation of conservative voters...

Homeopaths proposal for huge protest march against NHS cuts watered down

Homeopaths planning a protest march against NHS cuts have begun watering down their plans.The United Kingdom’s largest association of diluted medicine, Et Aqua, initially announced plans for a ten million person show stopper march...

Homeopaths to protest NHS cut with one person million man march

Homeopaths are to warn Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt that he faces severe blowback from them if he does not reverse the cut to homeopathic therapies on the NHS.Mrs Lorem Minima, a homeopath who has...

Neil Armstrong’s body to be exhumed and tested for moon dust

President Donald Trump is understood to have ordered an investigation into whether or not the first moon landing ever happened on this day in 1969?Trump is rumoured to have long considered the moon landings...
Bomb Squad

New Samsung Galaxy Note 8 to be unveiled by military bomb disposal unit

Samsung have hit the press with the announcement that their new Galaxy Note 8 device will be unveiled in August by military bomb disposal experts.While they are confident they have fixed the battery issues...
Woman in Car

Woman admits she was more than a little turned on by badly executed handbrake...

A Rochdale Woman has told the Herald how she found a man's poorly executed handbrake turn a huge turn on.Speaking exclusively to the Herald she said,"I was stood at the bus stop when I...
Man laughing

Serious satirists no laughing matter

150-times winner of the 12-monthly Rochdale Herald annual 'Best satirical news site, based in Rochdale', the Rochdale Herald, has recently left readers puzzled.  It is claimed that the Herald has taken to being serious...
Plain wooden coffin

Rochdale man takes own life after using the word “Stat”

Local person and Rochdale Herald editor Quentin D.Fortesque has today ended the sad experiment that was his life, after an ill-advised use of the word "stat" to colleagues.Fortesque, of unknown age, was holding an...

Wank Bank to close with loss of 1,200 Hand Jobs – Bosses Blame 4G...

The Wank Bank, formally Britain's premier repository of one-handed images, has announced that it will shut its doors after over 100 years of trading. Founded in Rochdale in 1880 as the Rochdale Mutual Society, it originally...

Unfortunately, Jimmy Carr survives breakthrough surgery

With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that had been mysteriously lodged in Jimmy Carr's windpipe for years.One...

Satire Is Officially Obsolete, Satirists Announce

Satirists have officially announced that satire is no more, it has been confirmed.A spokesman on behalf of satirists, announced, "As of January 31st 2017, satire is dead."Satire has been called obsolete in the past,...

Britain Mourns the Loss of George Michael Jokes – We Look Back at Terrible...

Britain is tonight coming to terms with the sudden loss of George Michael jokes and as a target for snide comments & toilet based humour.
Salt and Vinegar crisps

A word in your ear Mr Lineker

I have a suggestion for Gary Lineker Maybe you should stop selling Salt & Vinegar If your boss still works with the devil Then tell them to start using Gary Neville If those twats don't like your tweets Then...

Terrify your neighbours with The Original Trumpkin

Make your own Original Trumpkin! Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with The Rochdale Herald's original Trumpkin! Step 1. Download the following template and...

Satirist suspects people just reading his headlines 

An angry satirist is convinced that people are just reading the headlines of his articles and maybe the first sentence underneath."Anything after that could be any old bollocks and no one would notice." Said...

Rochdale woman in Waitrose platitude tragedy

A Rochdale woman was left devastated today after discovering that she will now be looking after her neighbour's children for the next three Sunday mornings in a row.Sharon Smith from the Falinge area of...

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