New Tory Crabbs Clinic opens in Rochdale

Great news for Rochdale's Yorkshire Street just keeps rolling in. As well as being a wonderful area for shopping, entertainment and food, it's also becoming something of a local equivalent of London's Harley Street...
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg to be put out to stud

Jacob Rees-Mogg MP is reported to be in the process of choosing a nice green field near to his family home at Wentworth Woodhouse where he will father the next generation of conservative voters...

Success of women’s sports teams coincides with an increase in cases of erectile dysfunction,...

The NHS is struggling to keep up with the increase in male erectile dysfunction which appears to coincide with the success of female sporting teams on the national and international stage.  "Sometimes it's hard," says...

Unfortunately, Jimmy Carr survives breakthrough surgery

With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that had been mysteriously lodged in Jimmy Carr's windpipe for years. One...

Six year old girl fears poisoning after finding new food mixed into her food

Six year old Sally Parker, domestic overseer and student, has recoiled in horror fearing poisoning after the discovery of new food mixed into food she thought safe through exhaustive and repeated experience. The incident occurred...

Rochdale woman in Waitrose platitude tragedy

A Rochdale woman was left devastated today after discovering that she will now be looking after her neighbour's children for the next three Sunday mornings in a row. Sharon Smith from the Falinge area of...

Selfie App spots early signs of Hipster

Have you recently felt the need to visit the newly opened Craft beer bar up the street? Have you been annoyed at your local café for not knowing what a flat white was? Or maybe you’re...

Britain mourns the loss of George Michael jokes – We look back at terrible...

Britain is tonight coming to terms with the sudden loss of George Michael jokes and as a target for snide comments & toilet based humour.
Plain wooden coffin

Rochdale man takes own life after using the word “Stat”

Local person and Rochdale Herald editor Quentin D.Fortesque has today ended the sad experiment that was his life, after an ill-advised use of the word "stat" to colleagues. Fortesque, of unknown age, was holding an...
Dunkirk Queue

Queue for pedalos during Dunkirk evacuation shorter than Benidorm immigration control confirm veterans

Eyewitness accounts given by proper British holidaymakers desperate to return to the UK reveal that queues for pedalos during the Dunkirk evacuation were shorter than the immigration queues currently being suffered at Benidorm immigration...

Judgemental twat who starts every opinion with ‘I’m not being funny, but’ definitely is...

A man who enjoys character assassinating every person he encounters and then tries to excuse himself of any malice by saying 'I'm not being funny, but...' is definitely being funny, it has been confirmed. Friends...

Is there something Stephen Crabb isn’t telling us?

In a dramatically uncharacteristic move Stephen Crabb, the former intern at  anti-equality fundamentalist Christian group CARE and employer of interns from the anti-equality fundamentalist Christian group CARE,  made a play for the leadership of...
Woman in Car

Woman admits she was more than a little turned on by badly executed handbrake...

A Rochdale Woman has told the Herald how she found a man's poorly executed handbrake turn a huge turn on. Speaking exclusively to the Herald she said, "I was stood at the bus stop when I...

Satirist suspects people just reading his headlines 

An angry satirist is convinced that people are just reading the headlines of his articles and maybe the first sentence underneath. "Anything after that could be any old bollocks and no one would notice." Said...

Satire Is Officially Obsolete, Satirists Announce

Satirists have officially announced that satire is no more, it has been confirmed. A spokesman on behalf of satirists, announced, "As of January 31st 2017, satire is dead." Satire has been called obsolete in the past,...

Herald Horrible Histories presents Pathetic Presidents

Episode 1 - Pathetic Presidents. The Terrible Trumps. Welcome to the News at When. When? The 21st century, when one of America's presidents was a 9-year-old boy, Donald Trump. With more details, here’s Michael Fish...

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