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Jodie Knott

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High mistress of the underworld, destroyer of souls, collector of small pottery cats. Also one of the country's premier frock enthusiasts.

That God person is a pervert say parents of transgender kids

A primary school has become the center of a row when it taught religion to transgender pupils.St Andgreavsey's primary school faced a...

Christmas ad not Christian enough say non church going Christians

The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a...
Boris Johnson

‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson

Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.The company is believed to have lined up an...

Safety fears for Peter André.

Fears are growing for the safety of shiny mannequin Peter André, after he failed to appear on the cover of this month's OK Magazine....

Ban on new celebrity Chefs

The government is set to introduce legislation preventing the creation of new celebrity Chefs, after pretentiousness levels in the UK became toxic.It...
Scientists

Scientists confirm this is the weird parallel universe

After 2 years of unprecedented levels of worldwide idiocy, scientists have discovered that the parallel universe where weird shit happens is this one.Popular...

Country takes pity on Ginger Labour MP

After Labour MP Jared O’Mara had his sexual fantasies broadcast for all to see, the entire country has donated to a crowdfunding page to...

Nigella returns with a series on how to wank vegetables

After a 5 year absence from our screens while laying into toot, Nigella Lawson returns to our screens this week with a series dedicated...
Tangled Wires

Tangled wires defy all laws of physics, confirm scientists

A study has proven that any one wire left unattended for 5 minutes, will tangle itself beyond the laws of physics. The physics department of...

Let’s get this over with Says Queen

Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot".Her worshipfulness...
Plain wooden coffin

Rochdale man takes own life after using the word “Stat”

Local person and Rochdale Herald editor Quentin D.Fortesque has today ended the sad experiment that was his life, after an ill-advised use of the...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning.As millions of us check up on the...
Happy Children

Tower Block residents look forward to less health and safety legislation post Brexit

A recent survey of tenants living in firetrap and substandard accommodation has showed overwhelming support for abolishing laws designed to protect them.The survey for...
Survivor

Last PPI claimant found alive and well

The last person who is yet to be investigated whether or not they were mis-sold PPI has been found, bewildered, but alive. After years of...

BBC in new accusations of bias

Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the...
Brexiter

Daily Mail reveal United Airlines assault victim once had an overdue library book

It has been revealed today that Dr David Dao, the passenger on a United Airlines flight who was beaten for sitting in a seat...

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