Denmark offers to buy America from Russia

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Mette Frederiksen, the Prime Minister of Denmark has reportedly expressed an interest in buying the Russian controlled territory of the United States of America. Rich in natural resources and fuckwits the territory covers...
White House

Reality TV to blame for increase in number of f*cknuggets being elected president, say...

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Reality TV is to blame for the number of imbeciles and ding-a-lings who are being elected president of the United States, video games have suggested today. "We must stop the glorification of being an...

Unite against hate, racism, bigotry and white supremacy, says hateful, racist, bigoted, white supremacist

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Hateful, racist, bigoted white supremacist Donald Trump has called on the people of the United States to unite against hate, racism, bigotry and white supremacy. Reading from a teleprompter - where the big words are...

Short range nuclear missiles made available to American public in bid to reduce gun...

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Following a series of atrocities in the United States over the weekend in which more than twenty five members of the public were shot and killed the government has announced dramatic reforms...
Donald Trump

Too soon since last mass shooting and not long enough before next one to...

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In the wake of the latest mass shooting in a bar in Ohio that has claimed the lives of at least 9 people The White House has released a statement saying it's "too...

Thoughts and prayers shortages in US reaching crisis point

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Shortages of thoughts and prayers for the victims of gun violence is said to be reaching crisis point this morning with many dead people in El Paso yet to receive them.
Donald Trump

Trump calls for ban on food festivals after latest mass shooting

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Trump calls for ban on food festivals after latest mass shootingSo-called 'President' and full-time Twitter troll Donald Trump wants a 'total and complete shutdown' of food festivals in the US after the mass...
Donald Trump

Trump campaign starts selling dog whistles

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Donald Trump's 2020 re-election campaign has debuted a new range of MAGA dog whistles at a rally in Florida this past weekend. Florida Trump fan Stan Still told us,...
Donald Trump

Bloke who fancies his daughter lies about woman marrying her brother

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A bloke who wants to shag his daughter has suggested that a top US politician should be investigated for marrying her brother. Incest enthusiast and long time friend of...

College Professor assaults Trump supporter

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A college professor in the US has come under fire from leading figures in the Republican Party after he allegedly assaulted a number of completely innocent Trump supporters during a visit to...

Saying racists shouldn’t say racist things is racist against racists, Trump tells Democrats

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Donald Trump has taken Twitter to defend the rights of racists across America to say and do really racist things. "Racists are a minority just like blacks, gays, wops,...
Donald Genius Trump

Donald Trump shits on White House floor after learning Obama uses toilets

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News is emerging this morning that Donald Trump has started defecating on the floor like a dog after learning that Barack Obama uses toilets. Several cleaners in the White...

Leaked memo from US Embassy in London written in Crayon

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There has been shock amongst diplomatic circles this morning after a leaked memo written in crayon from the US Ambassador in London revealed that a Trump appointed diplomat can read and write.

I don’t care what UK Ambassador thinks of me, says dickhead who won’t shut...

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A giant man dayglo baby who won't stop whining about somebody who said some mean things about him has declared on Twitter that he doesn't care what people think of him.

US celebrates after number of days so far this year overtakes number of mass...

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Americans across America are celebrating the fact that for the first time since the invention of calendars there have been more days in the year than mass shootings in America. "It's super! I genuinely can't...
Trump Air Force one

Former military cadet fulfils lifelong ambition to visit Vietnam despite agonisingly debilitating bonespurs

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A former military cadet has finally fulfilled his dream to visit Vietnam despite suffering from debilitating bonespurs. The man, now in his seventies, is said to have been gutted...

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