Friday, June 22, 2018
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President made a series of controversial comments about knife crime in...

Hartman on Trump – POTUS’s US Marine Corp induction transcript revealed

Following the sad and untimely death of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman of the US Marine Corps, The Rochdale Herald has obtained an exclusive transcript of a meeting between a young Donald Trump and the drill...
Donald Trump

All options on table including surprise missile attack on Tuesday, Trump tells Syria on...

Actual real-life president of the United States of America Donald Trump has tweeted that Russia and Syria should get smart and expect a surprise missile attack on Tuesday next week. The surprise attack comes in...

The United States to allow Guns to be purchased from Vending Machines

United States, Washington DC - A new bill has been passed in the United States, to allow firearms to be sold from Vending Machines. The bill will take effect over the summer. This will...

Trump calls for ‘total and complete shutdown’ of dinosaurs entering US after seeing new...

Donald Trump has called for a 'total and complete shutdown' of dinosaurs entering the United States after inadvertently watching the new trailer for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It is understood that the US President stumbled...
White House

Vladimir Putin Secures Another Term At The White House

Russian President, Vladimir Putin, won a landslide victory in last night's election which securing his place as leader of the USA. As predicted, Putin secured his place in history with a massive majority. After all...

Trump sues porn star for breaching confidentiality agreement about affair he claims not to...

Lawyers for the actual President of the United States of America are seeking $20 million in damages from a porn star who he says broke a confidentiality agreement about an affair he claims not...
Putin Tillerson

Putin sacks head of US State Department Rex Tillerson

WASHINGTON - The leader of the United States, President Vladimir Putin, announced Tuesday morning that he had fired his Secretary State Rex Tillerson and installed former chicken nugget salesman and former CIA director Mike...
Rex Tillerson

Moron who called moron a moron fired by moron

In a completely expected turn of events, a moron has fired the moron who called him a moron and replaced him with, presumably, another moron. The former Oil executive who was the entire US State...

National Association of C#nts sue Florida for asking murderers to wait a bit to...

The National Association of Massive Cunts filed a lawsuit in federal court Friday in an attempt to block a Florida law to make murderous psychopaths wait a few hours to buy their murder weapons. "We...

Concern mounts that US teachers are stockpiling weapons of maths instruction

Deliverable weapons of maths instruction in the hands of a school or tuition network, or the two working together constitutes as grave a threat as can be imagined. Debate continues to rage in the US...

Judge increases Shkreli’s prison sentence by 5000%

Disappointed with the complete undervaluing of his sentence, disgraced former Hedge Fund Manager Martin Shkreli has insisted his prison sentence up by 5000% up to a staggering total of 357 years. Formerly known as the...
Donald Trump

New tariffs ensure American guns used to shoot American children made from American metal

Donald Trump has just revealed that the reason behind the new Steel Import Tariffs is to mitigate concerns that the deadly and easily purchased Assault Rifles used in mass school shootings recently have just...

Trump tells G7 steel tariffs will ensure weapons used for mass slaughter will be...

Donald Trump has announced that steel and aluminium import tariffs will mitigate concerns that the Assault Rifles used in mass shootings recently have not been American enough. An NRA spokesman said, "The most concerning...
Donald Genius Trump

Trump awards Trump Imaginary Medal of Honor for imaginary heroics

President of the actually terrific US, Donald Trump, is to reward his own bravery with a special medal, the Purple Cheeseburger, after his courage in going into a school shooting situation unarmed had he...
Harvey Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein one step closer to presidency after filing for bankruptcy

The New York studio co-founded by disgraced film producer Harvey Weinstein is to file for bankruptcy, in a move sure to put him a step closer to the White House. Directors were quoted as saying...

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