Rex Tillerson

Moron who called moron a moron fired by moron

In a completely expected turn of events, a moron has fired the moron who called him a moron and replaced him with, presumably, another moron. The former Oil executive who was the entire US State...

National Association of C#nts sue Florida for asking murderers to wait a bit to...

The National Association of Massive Cunts filed a lawsuit in federal court Friday in an attempt to block a Florida law to make murderous psychopaths wait a few hours to buy their murder weapons. "We...

Concern mounts that US teachers are stockpiling weapons of maths instruction

Deliverable weapons of maths instruction in the hands of a school or tuition network, or the two working together constitutes as grave a threat as can be imagined. Debate continues to rage in the US...

Judge increases Shkreli’s prison sentence by 5000%

Disappointed with the complete undervaluing of his sentence, disgraced former Hedge Fund Manager Martin Shkreli has insisted his prison sentence up by 5000% up to a staggering total of 357 years. Formerly known as the...
Donald Trump

New tariffs ensure American guns used to shoot American children made from American metal

Donald Trump has just revealed that the reason behind the new Steel Import Tariffs is to mitigate concerns that the deadly and easily purchased Assault Rifles used in mass school shootings recently have just...
Donald Genius Trump

Trump awards Trump Imaginary Medal of Honor for imaginary heroics

President of the actually terrific US, Donald Trump, is to reward his own bravery with a special medal, the Purple Cheeseburger, after his courage in going into a school shooting situation unarmed had he...
Harvey Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein one step closer to presidency after filing for bankruptcy

The New York studio co-founded by disgraced film producer Harvey Weinstein is to file for bankruptcy, in a move sure to put him a step closer to the White House. Directors were quoted as saying...
Donald Trump

If it wasn’t for these pesky bone spurs I’d have stopped shooter myself, says...

Actual real-life President of the United States Donald Trump told a press conference earlier today that if it wasn't for the debilitating bone spurs in his heels he would have personally prevented the massacre...

The NRA are a bunch of arseholes and each and every one of them...

But ma guns. A survey in 2013 found that the United States had 88.9 firearms for every 100 people. More than Yemen, Mexico, Pakistan and the West Bank/Gaza combined. Even Latin American countries over run...
Christmas

Only 350 High School Shootings left until Christmas

Children across the United States of America were very excited to learn this morning that it's now officially only 350 school shootings until Christmas. With it being February, it's not remotely close to that time...
Children Running

Teaching children to Zig Zag best way to avoid school shooting fatalities, say NRA

In the wake of yet another mass school shooting in the USA the National Rifle Association have suggested that the tragedy could have been prevented if children were taught basic sniper dodging tactics. Mike Ropiness,...
Smiling School Children

How about the right not to die at school, ask US school children

In the wake of yet another devastating school shooting on U.S soil, American school goers have stood up to demand an amendment to the U.S constitution to reflect the basic right not to be...

Emergency ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ cabinets to be installed in every American classroom by 2020

The US Department of Education has revealed plans to install emergency 'Thoughts and Prayers' cabinets in every school classroom by the year 2020. The announcement comes just hours after another lunatic with an assault rifle...

Elon Musk offers POTUS a ticket to ride his rocket

Sources close to the White House have revealed that Elon Musk has today offered Donald Trump a ride on the next Falcon Heavy rocket. The normally publicity shy inventor and self publicist has said that,...

Trump demands resignation of Dow Jones

White House sources reveal alleged serial sex offender, proven serial failed businessman and currently failing POTUS Donald J Trump has called for the head of Dow Jones. "Just who the hell does this Jones think...
Donald Genius Trump

Fat bottomed ape learns to mimic human sounds

Washington DC - A seventy year primitive primate that can mimic human words such as hello, bigly, braggadocios, and covfefe is thought to be the first of its kind to be elected to the...

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