Donald Trump

Trump attends Paris Armistice commemoration after hearing there is a golf course nearby

POTATUS has attended an Armistice commemoration in Paris a day after demonstrating the sort of spirit that has earned him the nickname, Cadet Bone Spurs. POTATUS failed to attend a commemoration for US war dead...
Donald Trump

Trump tells CNN all future press conferences will be held in Saudi Embassy

POTATUS has announced that he will begin to give CNN press conferences in Saudi Embassies from now on. The announcement comes as his administration complained that reporters ask too many hard questions and rarely ask...

Trump hails record amount of pussy to grab in the House of Representatives

Donald Trump has spoken of how great it is that there's now so much pussy to grab when he next visits the House of Representatives. Tweeting, POTATUS said, "Is it any coincidence that under this...

If All the Jews had died in the Holocaust then Saturday’s massacre wouldn’t have...

POTATUS, Donald Trump attended a memorial for the victims of the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting yesterday.   After publicly stating that people should come together to heal division POTATUS met survivors and victims of the dead...
Donald Trump

Worst thing to happen in America today was my hair got wet, Trump tells...

The actual real life president of the United States of America told the Future Farmers of America Convention that the worst thing to happen in America yesterday was his hair got a bit wet. Dystopian...
Donald Trump

Trump says he believes Melania’s explanation that she didn’t only marry him for his...

Donald Trump has said that he believes that Melania Trump married him for his rugged good looks, sublime conversation and attentive tenderness as a lover. POTATUS was speaking after holding one to one talks with...
Donald Trump DNA

Donald Trump: DNA test finds ‘strong evidence’ of human DNA

US President Donald Trump has revealed that a DNA test shows "strong evidence" that he is distantly related to human beings. He took the test after the Native American Democat Senator Elizabeth Warren taunted him...

All Homosexuals should be stoned, says Mike Pence

Vice President of the US, Mike Pence, has finally come out - with a statement that may shock many Republicans. President Trump joked a year ago, when referring to his deputy's stance on homosexuality, that...

Kavanaugh to celebrate Supreme Court confirmation with White House keg party

Newly-appointed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh will celebrate his confirmation later today by throwing a massive kegger at the White House, sources have confirmed.   Kavanaugh, whose nomination was mired by allegations of drunken impropriety during his college...

Trump nominates Bill Cosby for US Supreme Court

Bill Cosby has been elected to the US Supreme Court after being sentenced for sex assault. Cosby, who today received a 10 year sentence for drugging and sexually assaulting a woman over a decade ago...
Trump Airplane

Carolinians told to evacuate to avoid category 4 Trump visit

Residents of the US State of Carolina have been warned to evacuate due to the threat of a category 4 visit from Donald Trump. State Governor, Stiffney Audio Science Atlanta IV told us said, "We're currently...

Trump supporter accidentally extinguishes trainers with own tears

"Wild" Bill Board, an American protesting at an advert for trainers was unable to get his shoes to burn today because the tears he was crying kept putting them out. Bill, a man who spends an...
Trump Golf Twitter

FBI reveals to Trump evidence of a golf course at Chernobyl

The FBI have allegedly revealed the location of a secret golf course in Chernobyl to Donald Trump today. One FBI spokesman said, "POTATUS was on Twitter saying that the FBI were a bunch of syphilitic...

Trump abandons plans to build wall, resolves to plant Leylandii hedge on Mexican border

Donald Trump has announced that he's no longer going to demand money to build a wall at the border between the United States and Mexico. Instead, he intends to spend a couple of grand...
AR-15

Americans forced to drink milkshakes through AR-15 assault rifles after plastic straw ban hits...

The unjust plastic straw ban threatens the American way of life, but citizens are finding an innovative way to beat the ban.   Consuming tens of thousands of calories a day is as American as a...

Donald Trump thrilled Belfast is throwing a parade for him

Donald Trump has taken time out of his busy schedule to tell reporters that he is thrilled that the people of Belfast have held a march in his honour today. Speaking to the press Trump...

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