Kim and Kanye arrive at White House to plead for Melania’s freedom

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are reported to be heading to the White House in order to plead for Melania Trump's freedom. A press officer for Kim said, "We're not sure where Melania is. According...

America to be ‘100% armed’ by 2017

It has been forecast that every citizen of the United States of America will own at least one semi-automatic weapon by the end of 2017. Traditionally, gun owners in 'Murica have largely been rednecks, hicks...
Donald Trump Jr

Fire at Trump Tower definitely not Donald Trump Jr burning Russia dossier, confirms Donald...

New York - There has been more fire and fury today as a blaze at the top of Trump Tower in New York left tone person dead. Questions have already been raised by commentators as...
Pepe the frog

Meme Jihadis Trump Clinton

Pepe the frog has admitted today that he was behind the success of Donald Trump in the recent US presidential elections. "Presidential? Fix-a-dential more like! Am I right? How old are those people?" laughed Pepe,...

Trump Outraged To Learn of Invention of Phonograph

Taking to Twitter, So Called President Trump rounded on critics of his administration within the media, and their underhand strategy of recording stuff. "Edison fake American. Not an inventor. Not a patriot. Beeswax UNAMERICAN. Filthy trick. Media...

New York Times Reported to the House Committee for Un-American Activities

The New York Times, long considered to be the lap-dog mouthpiece of the Commie-loving East-coast foreigner, has finally (and thankfully) been reported to the House Committee for Un-American Activities. Following a series of articles, many...

Concern mounts that US teachers are stockpiling weapons of maths instruction

Deliverable weapons of maths instruction in the hands of a school or tuition network, or the two working together constitutes as grave a threat as can be imagined. Debate continues to rage in the US...
Sergei Lavrov

Kremlin accuse American spooks of lying to Trump

The Kremlin has accused America's security services of treasonous behaviour after Lavrov's love in with Trump. A spokesman for the Kremlin released the following warning to Americans. "These so called national security services you have, they are...

Online petition to impeach Trump gets 6 billion signatures in 24 hours

An online petition requesting that Donald Trump be removed from office has got 6 billion signatures from around the world within 24 hours of its being set up. The petition on change.org was started by...
Mount Rushmore

Trump vows to chisel four ‘losers’ off Mount Rushmore

President Trump has vowed to have the images of four of his predecessors chiselled off Mount Rushmore, describing them as ‘total losers’. In a statement posted on the official White House website Trump explained...

Trump Spokesman Revealed As Black Knight

The Herald can exclusively reveal today that the Trump campaign aide, Michael Cohen, is the mysterious Black Knight.   The secretive warrior and guard to stuff that King Arthur needs to get past revealed himself last...

US Closes Wardrobe Border Travel Bans on Narnians and Radical Followers of Aslan

President Donald Trump last night signed an Executive Order immediately banning "followers of Aslan" from entering the US.  This will instantly affect talking beavers, centaurs and ice queens, though Kellyanne Conway has secured an exemption. The...

Donald Trump’s penis is largest the world has ever seen says Donald Trump

Donald Trump has asked his propaganda secretary, Sean Spicer, to assure The White House press corps that President Trump's penis is "the largest penis in the history of penises. Period!"
White House Christmas

Children excited it’s only three US defence secretaries until Christmas

Children all across America are giddy with excitement that it is now officially only three US defence secretaries until Christmas morning. The news comes after the last adult in the White House, General Jim Mattis,...

Donald Trump hospitalised with self-inflicted gunshot wound

Reports are coming in that Donald Trump has been hospitalised with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the foot.
Sorry Trump

Donald Trump ‘very sorry’ for accidentally nuking North Carolina

As the world looked on with intrigue and anticipation at the spat between the USA and North Korea, a horrifying incident occurred. With the talks heating up, appearing ever-more likely to end in bloodshed,...

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