All guns to be armed with guns

In the wake of the latest mass shooting of innocent people to take place on U.S. soil, the National Rifle Association has issued a warning that the only way to prevent further tragedy is...

Trump says crying widow knew what she was getting into when she answered phone

President Donald Trump has responded to criticism that he mishandled a phone call with the grieving widow of an American serviceman killed in an ambush in Niger by saying she's making it all up...

Gigantic orange adult toddler in misogyny veteran sacrifice spat

Donald 'The Toddler' Trump was said to be upset this morning after the hashtag DumbDonald began trending on Twitter. The Toddler is running for the President of the United States but this week managed to...
Dumpster Fire

Dumpster fires unhappy about comparisons to US Democracy

Skip fires around the world have declared they are unhappy with being compared to the US democratic process.
Trump in a barrel

American lawmakers to submerge Donald Trump in barrel of water to see if he...

It was announced today via The USA news site that Donald Trump will be immersed in a barrel of water to see if he floats. The operation is part of what are called ‘Presidential Witch...

IRS look forward to “getting to the bottom” of Trump’s Federal Income Tax “I’m...

Surgical glove manufacturer Sphinctoraw Inc got a surprise order for 110,000 pairs of elbow length surgical gloves from the IRS. The order was placed about three minutes after Donald Trump said he paid no...
Doctors

Donald Trump Is Disappearing Up His Own Arse

American scientists confirmed last night that US President, Donald Trump, is close to completely disappearing up his own arse. Professor Steven Sigmoid of the US Institute for Sphincteral Studies told The Rochdale...
Harvey Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein one step closer to presidency after filing for bankruptcy

The New York studio co-founded by disgraced film producer Harvey Weinstein is to file for bankruptcy, in a move sure to put him a step closer to the White House. Directors were quoted as saying...

Trump travel ban extends to Narnia

President Donald Trump last night signed an Executive Order adding Narnia to the travel ban and immediately excluding "followers of Aslan" from entering the US. This will instantly affect talking beavers, centaurs and particularly ice...

Hartman on Trump – POTUS’s US Marine Corp induction transcript revealed

Following the sad and untimely death of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman of the US Marine Corps, The Rochdale Herald has obtained an exclusive transcript of a meeting between a young Donald Trump and the drill...

RH Exclusive: Excerpt from phone call between Turnbull and Trump

Here at the Rochdale Herald, we’ve managed to get a world exclusive. It’s the leaked transcript of the conversation between President Trump and Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, of Australia. Here is an excerpt. Good morning,...

Nuclear Football replaced with state of the art 1979 Speak and Spell

The Secret Service and senior members of the National Security Council have taken drastic steps to toughen US Nuclear launch protocols during Donald Trump's presidency by replacing the Nuclear Football with 1979 Speak and Spell.

Luftwaffe didn’t tell Hitler about every bomb dropped, just sayin, Spicer tells press corps

Sean Spicer has put rumours to rest that Hawkish generals in the United States military are deploying military assets without Presidential authorisation. "Look I know it's been a shitty week for comparing stuff to Hitler...

Trump marks Martin Luther King weekend with burning cross on White House Lawn

US President elect, Donald Trump, will be hosting a tribute event for Martin Luther Day

Giuliani wins Black Man of the Year

Raving Republican Trump-nugget and ex New York mayor, Rudy Giuliani, was voted Black Man of the Year today after it turned out he's done more to save black lives than Beyonce. After...
Donald Trump DNA

Donald Trump: DNA test finds ‘strong evidence’ of human DNA

US President Donald Trump has revealed that a DNA test shows "strong evidence" that he is distantly related to human beings. He took the test after the Native American Democat Senator Elizabeth Warren taunted him...

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