CIA to dumb down intelligence briefings

The U.S. Director of National Intelligence (DNI) Dan Coats, announced on Sunday that they will be cutting down the president’s daily intelligence briefings to a maximum of 140 characters using a private Twitter account. According to White...
Donald Trump

White House admits Trump thought Korean War was fought in Star Trek

The White House has apparently confirmed that POTATUS, Donald Trump, thought the Korean War was a war fought in the 1970's in Star Trek. The admission comes several weeks after Mr Trump seemed to suggest...
Prisoner

Rochdale man released from US prison after Trump repeals ‘Merry Christmas’ ban

A Rochdale couple have told the Herald that their son's release from jail in America is the best present they could have hoped for. Percy Cuted was jailed in 2011 after wishing some Americans "Merry...
Donald Trump Wig

‘News media so fake’ says perma-tanned, toupee-wearing septuagenarian

The world's favourite orange leader has been ranting about his pet hate once again. The issue of so-called “Fake news” is now well within the public consciousness, primarily thanks to the man who looks...

New American National Anthem Unveiled As ‘Donald Donald Uber Alles’

The United States is getting a new national anthem, it has been announced. An executive order has been signed replacing the old anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner, with a new song, Donald, Donald Uber Alles. When...

Snap Poll Identifies Lee Harvey Oswald As Most Missed American

A poll conducted worldwide today reveals that over 3.9 billion people named Lee Harvey Oswald as the American they most wish was alive today.  He narrowly defeated John Wilkes Booth. John Hinckley Jr. was named...
Gun held in front of American flag

Fatal logic feedback loop kills five more Americans

America has once again been proved right as yet another mass shooting takes place in shopping mall and nobody armed inside could shoot the shooter. The tragic news that at least 5 people have been...
Fuck

Seriously?

I mean, just....Fuck,  Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.  A spokesman for minorities everywhere said; "Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck." He continued...
Guns

Why does this keep happening, asks country selling guns without doing background checks

A country who sells weapons over the counter to anybody who wants one is stumped at how it can be home to so many fatal shootings. This country has the highest number of gun fatalities...

Melania Trump was definitely not a prostitute says Melania Trump & Daily Mail

Slovenian "model" and "wife" of "human being" Donald Trump has lashed out at allegations in The Daily Mail that she was a sex worker who had sex with horrible old men for money. What a...

KKK David Duke polling better with black voters than Donald Trump

In news that feels like it should be satire but is in fact oddly true, Dr David Duke, the Grand Wizard of The Ku Klux Klan, is polling better amongst black voters in his...

Satirist sues CNN for stealing Trump Headline

The Rochdale Herald has issued a cease and desist letter to CNN after they stole a satirical headline about Donald Trump.

Confederates, KKK and slave owners outraged by Appointment of Jeff Sessions to Attorney General

Confederates, slave owners and prominent members of the Ku Klux Klan have taken to Facebook to condemn Trump's nomination of Jeff Sessions to the office of Attorney General.
Trump Salute

Trump demands to see soldier’s long form death certificate

Donald Trump has demanded that the widow of Sgt La David Johnson release his long form death certificate following a row about whether or not Donald believes her that her husband is actually dead. Donald,...
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President made a series of controversial comments about knife crime in...

Thoughts and prayers shortages in US reaching crisis point

Shortages of thoughts and prayers for the victims of gun violence is said to be reaching crisis point this morning with many dead people in El Paso yet to receive them.

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