Trump locked out of nuclear football after entering incorrect code three times and forgetting...
Apparently POTUS did get Ivanka to click on the “forgotten your password?” help icon on the device that destroys worlds and was offered a series of security questions in order to reset his password.
Trump leads Independence day celebrations by honouring Goldblum and Smith
It's the 4th of July national holiday, the anniversary of Independence day in the United States of America. A day when the patriotic celebrate...
Trump Replaces White House With Blimp
President Donald Trump took to the skies over Washington today in a giant, orange blimp.
The President is believed to have made the decision...
Alcoholics Anonymous of America add 13th Step – Don’t Fucking Bother
After 63 years of success Alcoholics Anonymous of America have added a 13th Step to their eponymous programme - Step 13: Don't Fucking Bother.
The...
Gays seen boarding ark two by two in Texas saying ‘our work here is...
An ark has been spotted in Texas picking up a group of homosexuals who caused all the flooding there.
The findings have come as a...
Trump travel ban extends to Narnia
President Donald Trump last night signed an Executive Order adding Narnia to the travel ban and immediately excluding "followers of Aslan" from entering the...
Trump promises to help Puerto Ricans who present him with dry US birth certificates
President Donald Trump has responded to criticism of his failure to rush aid to Puerto Rico in the wake of Hurricane Maria by promising...
We need buoyancy aids not Beyonce aid, say Houston flood victims
Residents of Houston were bemused by an offer from pop star Beyonce offering help for those affected by the recent flooding.
“We asked for buoyancy...
Director of CIA asks Jason Bourne to drop in on Trump for a ‘quiet...
The Director of The CIA, John O'Brennan, asked Jason Bourne to pop over to Trump Tower.
Following allegations Donald Trump made about the US intelligence...
State of emergency declared as Hurricane Dorian heads towards rich white people
Category 4 hurricane 'Dorian' has caused devastation throughout the Bahamas this week.
The hurricane has broken previous records of longest sustained category 5 status and...
Meme Jihadis Trump Clinton
Pepe the frog has admitted today that he was behind the success of Donald Trump in the recent US presidential elections.
"Presidential? Fix-a-dential more like!...
Trump Introduces 2020 Presidential Campaign Mascot
President Trump took to the stage in Nuremberg, Florida, on Saturday in front of a crowd seen from space, to unveil his mascot for...
Russian-branded Emperor’s new memo wallets causing security concerns
Two mysterious Russian stationery salesmen are coming under scrutiny tonight as memo wallets they supplied to government departments may not be all they are...
Trump condemns dead soldier for not standing during national anthem
President Donald Trump has rebuked allegations of inappropriate comments made by the grieving widow of a US soldier today by pointing out her husband...
US Closes Wardrobe Border Travel Bans on Narnians and Radical Followers of Aslan
President Donald Trump last night signed an Executive Order immediately banning "followers of Aslan" from entering the US.
This will instantly affect talking beavers, centaurs...
I’m nothing like Steve Bannon – says Darth Vader
Darth Vader took to Twitter today to distance himself from "that evil bastard" Steve Bannon after Bannon compared himself to Darth Vader, Thomas Cromwell, Dick Cheney and Satan.
