Bewigged bouffant buffoon, Donald J. Trump, an actual potential president, made the claim at his latest rally.

The tiny handed eater of souls came under heavy criticism for a string of alleged sexual offensives from every country on the planet and a solitary liberal ‘leftard’ sat in a library facing a gun shop in America.

At the rally Mr. Trump addressed 5,000 lobotomised red necked sister fuckers to say;

“Nine women. Pffft. Nine. It’s not even an even number. Not even even. If what they say is true then there’d be hundreds. I’m no rapist but if I were I’d be the best at the raping. Nine. Please. Pfft.”

After twenty minutes of threatening to jail ‘Crooked Killery’, praising dictators and calling Bill Clinton a ‘worserer rapist’, Mr. Trump re-addressed the allegations;

“Nine. Pfft. There’s 3.52 billion women on the planet that I didn’t touch. The liberal media doesn’t mention that. It won’t print that.”

After five minutes of thunderous cheers and sieg heiling Trump continued;


“There’s a lot of hot women in that 3.52 billion. A lot. A lot of hot women. So hot. But did I touch them? I don’t think so. I couldn’t have touched them all. There’s places I haven’t been like Hindu. Never been there. Nine. Pfft. Nine’s an insult.”