Following the overwhelming success of the Department of Education’s strategy of grading academic exam results based on teachers’ predicted grades and previous attainment levels, the government has announced a plan to determine General Election results using a similar model, the Rochdale Herald has learned.
“Staging a General Election every 5 years takes a great deal of organisation and costs an enormous amount of money…”, said a votes-person from the Electoral Commission, adding “…we could save time, energy and money by using the same tactics that we used to grade A levels due to the pandemic – a mixture of predicted results and past performance.”
Under the new system adults of voting age will not have to put a cross on a piece of paper, attend polling stations, or even register to vote. Instead an aggregate of all newspaper opinion polls will be used to predict the results which will then be moderated by the Electoral Commission, taking into account the previous performance of each political party.
Voters who are unhappy with the result of their ‘predicted’ vote may challenge the poll result by writing a strong letter of protest to their local newspaper, which will then be considered for publication.
Concerns about the fairness of this system and the fact that the majority of opinion polls are run by newspapers that may have an agenda favouring a single political party, are unfounded, says the Commission. “We have carefully listened to the opinions of all opposition and minority party politicians and gently, yet firmly, filed all the objections in a large waste-paper bin, marked for recycling…” said the votes-person.
Even more money will be saved, as removal vans will not have to appear outside Downing Street in the foreseeable future.