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Tim Goodwin


Bears cleared of ‘shitting in the woods’ says watchdog

The independent Bear Complaints Commission has found that there is no evidence that bears are guilty of shitting in the woods. The misconduct watchdog,...

Criminals allowed to break law in ‘specific and limited way’ 

The Home Office has confirmed that British criminals will now be allowed to commit crimes in a 'specific and limited way' following the government's...

Grant Shapps hires ferry fleet to transport people back to offices

Transport secretary Grant Shapps is so convinced that going back to work in offices is safe, that he has hired a fleet of ferries...

Future election results to be based on pandemic exam model

Following the overwhelming success of the Department of Education's strategy of grading academic exam results based on teachers' predicted grades and previous attainment levels,...

Michael Gove “more slippery than Teflon”

Independent research at the Technical University of Rochdale has found that Michael Gove is more slippery than Teflon - and that a patent has...

Move classrooms into pubs, says government

After Ministers were forced to make a choice between opening schools in September or keeping pubs open, the government has decided to move classes...

Cummings replaced by Orwell in No.10 reshuffle

Downing Street today confirmed that Dominic Cummings has been sacked and replaced by George Orwell as the government's chief political advisor - effective immediately,...

Goveid-19 now ‘out of control’ in UK.

A new, highly infectious virus - Goveid-19 - has reached pandemic proportions throughout the UK, an investigation by The Rochdale Herald has revealed. Goveid-19 was...
Trump Atos

Atos and DWP pronounce Trump unfit for work

A physical and mental health Atos assessment on US President, Donald J Trump, has conclusively found that he is unfit for work, the DWP...

Macron wants UK to give him head in return for Bayeux tapestry

Monarchists were today outraged by the suggestion by Emmanuel Macron, President of France, that the severed heads of the British royal family would be...

Government re-brands NHS as Notional Health Service

The government has announced plans to re-brand the National Health Service as the Notional Health Service. Jeremy Hunt MP, Secretary of State for Health, is...

Ryanair trials passengerless planes

Following the success of Google's driverless car experiments, Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary has announced plans to shift the entire airline to passengerless planes. O'Leary said...
Beynonce Knowles

We need buoyancy aids not Beyonce aid, say Houston flood victims

Residents of Houston were bemused by an offer from pop star Beyonce offering help for those affected by the recent flooding. “We asked for buoyancy...

Man who had letter published in local paper astonished that nothing changed

A Rochdale resident, Mr P. Scratching, was overjoyed when his letter to the editor of the Rochdale Herald was published in full with only...

Chilcot recommends that Blair sit on ‘naughty step’ for Iraq war mistakes…

Sir John Chilcot has come out with excoriating criticisms of former Prime Minister Tony Blair's attempt to mislead the public and MPs over the...
Michael Gove

Women seeking cosmetic surgery to make their genitals look like Michael Gove

The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women...

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