House of Commons to close for week to hold UK Cat Herding Championships

Following months of political turmoil in the UK and the shining example of incompetence that is the brexit negotiations, the political landscape is now undergoing further stress following an annoucement exclusively revealed to The...

Ovaltine is new ecstasy and sitting on sofa with cat is new clubbing

Night clubbing has undergone a radical change in recent years.The club scene has had many different faces. From tea dances, jazz and the dancehall days of swing and the big bands through the basements...
Sofa

David Davis and Liam Fox successfully negotiate paying full price for DFS sofa

Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa at full price from DFS.Davis said, "I knew when we...

Average household savings wiped out by demonetisation of old pound coins under sofa cushions

The Office for National Savings released alarming figures this morning suggesting that average household savings in the United Kingdom had been all but wiped out by demonetising the old pound coins.The new, thirteen sided...

Bloke who described himself as inspirational and entrepreneurial on CV definitely neither

A bloke’s glowing description of himself on his CV definitely does not bear any resemblance to observations of his personality, it has emerged.During a recent interview Graham Jones, an accountant from Leicester, was asked...

Britain leaves E.U. in last night’s dress and no tights

At 6.30 this morning, Britain hailed a taxi while attempting to wipe off the worst of last night's make-up, confident in the knowledge that the best possible Brexit deal had been secured.After the key...
Jumbel Sale

Online tat markets filling up with utter crap that ‘Would make a great Christmas...

As the nights draw in and the last of the pre-winter rituals of ‘Children Demanding Sweets by Menaces’ night, ‘Throwing Fireworks at Cats’ night and ‘Outing Traitors Not Wearing a Red Flower’ day are...
Ed Sheeran

Bloke who knocked Ed Sheeran off bike given MBE for services to music industry

The man who ran over Ed Sheeran and broke his arm will receive an MBE in the new year’s honours list, it has been revealed.Police officers and government officials set about identifying the perpetrator...

Donald Trump costumes selling out faster than Kim Jong Un disguises this Halloween

Once again the time of year when all the ghouls and monsters come out to play is upon us.But enough about the tete-a-tete between the obnoxious leaders.It is the horrible, cheap, obviously...

Piers Morgan distraught after accidentally flushing article down the bog

He’d just logged onVox populi Piers Morgan (yeah I used Latin, deal with it, what comic do you think you’re reading, the Mail?) has been left distraught after accidentally flushing an article down the...

Harvey Weinstein is a Democrat is the new Hitler was a Vegetarian

Hip new fashy fashion hits Brownhill SchoolAll the coolest kids in Brownhill School, Rochdale, have adopted it.  “Yeah well, Harvey Weinstein was a Democrat so ner,” is the new top riposte in their ongoing battle...

May to leave dinner middle of main course and refuse to say what she’ll...

Downing Street has rushed to reassure an anxious British public today that the prime minister will leave her dinner with EU counterparts this evening in the middle of the main course and refuse to...
Chris Grayling

We can just eat cats, dogs and harvest organ meat from the poor if...

British farmers would just start rounding up household pets for meat in the event of the UK leaving the EU without a trade deal, a cabinet minister has suggested.The Transport Secretary Chris Grayling made...

It’s Official. Report Confirms James Corden Is Not Funny

The showbiz world is in shock today as it was announced that James Corden is not funny.Following inappropriate ‘jokes’ made by Corden about pervert Harvey Weinstein at a charity gala in Hollywood, the...

A-ha Star In Blaze Nightmare

A source close to 80’s Norwegian heartthrob Morten Harket, of synthpop sensations A-ha, has confirmed that the housewives’ favourite was rushed to hospital last week following a blaze at the house in Oslo he...

Jabba The Hutt denies allegations he’s ever been a movie producer

The interstellar crime boss and CEO of Tatooine’s largest cartel has gone on the record to deny allegations that he has ever received a credit as a movie producer.The morbidly obese space slug who...

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