Disastrous mistake warns stopping Brexit would be disastrous mistake

A disastrous mistake will warn derailing Brexit will be a disastrous mistake in a speech about a falling over in public later today.In a major Brexit speech, the human error who holds a major...
Darth Vader

Ken Loach to direct next Star Wars film ‘Empire on Strike’ as gritty Northern...

Star Wars fans have been shocked by Disney's announcement that Star Wars episode IX will be directed by Ken Loach, who plans to pivot the sci-fi franchise towards gritty social realism based in a...

Winter Olympics shock after allegations that many of the events are just an elaborate...

Brenda "Brenda" Williamson, a Rochdale woman shortlisted for the UK Curling team but ultimately dropped from the squad, today broke ranks and claimed that Curling and some other winter sports were not really sports...
Slipping

Team GB aim for Olympic Gold in ‘Slipping over while carrying the shopping home’

Team GB have seen a few medal opportunities slip through their fingers in the first few days of the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics but have no fear, we're still in with a chance.As training facilities...
Cigar Shaped Asteroid

Cigar Shaped Asteroid Ouamuamua’s violent past hints he’s from Blackburn

Space - Mere months after it was revealed Om.. Oom.. that cigar shaped asteroid, was believed to have come from a distant solar system, the world of science has been rocked with the news...

Sources say DFS might be having a sale IMMINENTLY

If you want a new sofa, pay attention, because this could save you literally some pounds.In an exclusive scoop, The Rochdale Herald can reveal that popular furniture supplier DFS may be having a sale...

KPMG look for pension fund down the back of their sofa

The Senior Outsourcing Revenue Maximisation Vice President for KPMG, the 'big four?' auditor under fire for signing off Carillion's accounts months before its collapse, has pleaded ignorance to the £2.6Billion pensions shortfall and eye...

Burnley mum left ‘fuming’ after finding half a vegetable in packet of frozen rats

A Burnley supermarket has been forced to remove dozens of dead rats from its shelves after a customer reported finding half a vegetable inside a bag.Jayda Daley, 28, had just prepared dinner for her...

British man understands American football

A man from Newquay in Cornwall has revealed that he actually understands American football.With the BBC proclaiming that the Monday after the Hyperbole, or whatever it's called, is "national sickie day", The Rochdale Herald...

Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team.Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...
Scientist

Scientists warn firing Formula 1 grid girls will lead to increase in race related...

Science - In a leaked Sport England research paper, several sports scientists have warned over the removal of the usual checks and balances deployed by boring sports to keep men in check."Removing grid girls,...
Happy Student

We just want a fairer, kinder society for everybody we don’t execute in the...

Politics - A leading light in the Momentum movement has told The Rochdale Herald that they just want a fairer, kinder society for everybody they don't stand against a wall and shoot during the...

Spice Girls Wannapee reunion tour sponsored by Tena

Music - The world's most successful all-girl prefabricated band The Spice Girls have announced plans to reform.The quintet, featuring the newly-nicknamed Crusty Spice, Stairlift Spice, Surgicalsupporty Spice, Nicegingerbiscuit Spice and Victoria Beckham (registered trademark)...
Businessman

Nationalisation doesn’t work, says firm making millions out of Privatisation

Business - Residents left worried by the collapse of Carillion and ensuing loss of local services have been given the news by local MP Gavin Reidy that a new provider has been identified and...

Some like it…NOT! Monroe fan’s £8k new look more like man’s best friend than...

French waiter Cyril Roux is a HUGE Marilyn Monroe fan.'I guess you could say I'm addicted to injections,' mumbles Cyril Roux, a 32-year-old waiter from Toulon, through swollen lips that closely resemble a haemorrhoid...

One in four NHS hospitals have turned to STRIPPING to make ends meet

Almost a quarter of the nation's hospitals have turned to stripping to make up for funding shortfalls, according to a new report.Commissioned by a group of Ralf Little fans and shared exclusively with the...

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