Hippies Hippy

Lack of mud and misery makes Coachella not a real festival, experts reveal

A group of specialists have confirmed that without rain, mud and warm cider, Coachella is actually not a real festival. Despite there being music, dancing and drugs, insiders have confirmed that the lack of filth...

It’s impossible to sandpaper a netball, concede Australians

Long standing dominance of sport by Australia and New Zealand ended by incredible English performance Some say Australian carpentry skill brings them closer to Christ. Handy little blighters, their ability to handle a piece of...

Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...

The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan Still said, "Under the Tories young people have increasingly been...
Elderly Couple

New survey shows 52% of Daily Mail readers have masturbated to The World At...

Researchers at the University of Rochdale reveal the enduring popularity of the 1970s documentary for gammon spank fodder. The 1970s documentary, The World At War, has been revealed as one of the most popular visual...

Burnley opens new “All you won’t eat” vegetarian restaurant

Burnley's first "All you won't eat" buffet style restaurant opened it's doors today. The lavish 10 seater eaterie offers food that most locals would never eat such as fresh fruit, vegetables (not chips), lah-dee-dah...
Police

Expansion of stop and search powers opposed by MPs and other criminals

Leaked Home Office document shows that the high concentration of police at the entrance to Parliament could lead to unprecedented levels of stop and search, hindering MPs' entrance and exit from Westminster. A spike in...
Radiohead

Radiohead settle copyright spat over Remoaners’ moaning and whining

Radiohead have settled their claims that Remain voters have stolen all the moaning and whining directly from their back catalogue. Immediately after bringing an end to their saga involving Lana Del Rey, the former decent...
Policing

Cuts in police lead to cuts in Londoners

Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality. A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in serious violent crime, according to a leaked Home Office document...

USA accused of cheating at Rock, Paper, Scissors – ‘It’s just not cricket’ says...

The world of sport was outraged yesterday when Team USA was accused of cheating at the Rock, Paper, Scissors Test Match. If the result stands, the outcome could be devastating for the home side. The bi-annual...

Knob-head hand gesture at lowest levels since records began

A recent poll has revealed that this once loved insult has seen a sudden decline in use, and could be completely extinct by the year 2025. For years, the simple hand gesture was a staple...
Old man tying shoe laces

Man who can tie his own shoelaces favourite to win Burnley’s Got Talent

Headlining the, new, ITV Spring schedule is the hit series, Burnley's Got Talent, hosted by one of the Ant and Dec twins. Described by the producers, as a laugh a minute romp through the minds...
Phil Collins

Singer-songwriter Phil Collins to release Death Metal album

Phil Collins is set to release an album of previously unheard material made up of songs classified as being from the extreme subgenre of heavy metal music. The Grammy award winning artist confirmed that...

Eric Bristow checks out aged 20 double top

Eric Bristow, the world's oldest ever darts player, was at the Premier League Darts event at Liverpool's Echo Arena when he checked out aged twenty double top. Despite staying in the top flight shape you'd...

DON’T PANIC! The weather is still shit.

After weeks of hail, freezing temperatures, snow drifts, closed motorways and cancelled trains, the prospect of a mild few days at the beginning of Spring has worried forecasters and panic hoarders alike. "We're...
Zizzi

Yulia Skripal leaves Zizzi’s Salisbury 1 star TripAdvisor review

Yulia Skripal has left her first TripAdvisor review since being poisoned last month. Ms Skripal said, "I was in the country visiting my father in March. We felt peckish so went to Zizzi's. OK, it...

Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested

A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.

Follow us

50,428FansLike
56FollowersFollow
18,423FollowersFollow
16,817FollowersFollow

Popular Posts