University of Life wondering where all its economics graduates came from.

The University of Life has expressed surprise at the number of people on Facebook claiming to have studied there and who are suddenly experts on economics. Vice-Chancellor and senior lecturer on vice, Bob Logg, told...
Michael Gove

Britons aghast at realisation that Brexit Bonus is Michael Gove as P.M.

Ordinary, innocent Britons, along with many who voted Leave, were faced today with the horrendous realisation that the much vaunted 'Brexit Bonus' was likely to be 'having Michael Gove as Prime Minister'. Ordinary, innocent Briton...
Theresa May

Britain invokes Dunkirk spirit of ‘running away’ as EC takes back control of Brexit.

Theresa May escaped from Brussels late last night, as a small flotilla of fishing boats each carried a tiny morsel of her shattered credibility from the Belgian coast before depositing it in a heap...
Viagra

WTO confirms nations can trade with U.K. on a ‘pity fuck’ basis.

The WTO has confirmed that in the case of a no deal Brexit, member nations will be free to trade with the U.K. as an economic equivalent of a sympathy shag. The unelected President of...
Indian Family

Asian family enjoying post night out curry accused of ‘Cultural Appropriation’

A British-Asian family came under intense fire today, after being accused of extreme 'cultural appropriation' from White groups, for enjoying a post pub curry at their local suburban Indian restaurant last weekend. The Sharma family,...

Judgemental twat who starts every opinion with ‘I’m not being funny, but’ definitely is...

A man who enjoys character assassinating every person he encounters and then tries to excuse himself of any malice by saying 'I'm not being funny, but...' is definitely being funny, it has been confirmed. Friends...

Labrador accused of virtue signaling by other dogs for returning thrown ball

A Labrador has been slammed by fellow dogs for 'conforming to archaic, patriarchal stereotypes' after returning a ball thrown by its owner, it was confirmed today. Onlooking mutts watched in horror as Sandy the golden...
Woman walking through shopping crown

Rochdale captains of industry look forward to purchasing artisans at new Rochdale Artisan Market

Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale. "Following Brexit all my existing artisans will have to return to Polatia and...

Tommy Robinson announces plan to launch Ceefax page

Far right midget Tommy Robinson has announced plans to launch a Ceefax page following news that he has been banned from both Facebook and Instagram for being a racist toolkit.
Calendar

Latest theory on the structure of the Gregorian calendar revealed.

Following alleged intense research on the part of our Ace reporter, The Rochdale Herald is able to reveal the latest acadamic theory surrounding the construction of Gregorian Calendar. Professor Archimest Binge, of the Rochdale University,...
Wasps

Britons thrilled by early encounter with year’s first Wasp

Millions of Britons were given an early taste of the joys of springtime over the weekend, after the unseasonable February warmth prompted the first encounter of a year with an utter bastard of a...

Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse announce major UK Tour from end of March

Classic rock band The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced plans to get back together and hit the road in the U.K. on March 29th. Featuring all four original members, the band released a...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

Man bored of virtue-signalling monthly initiatives launches ‘Punch In The Facepril’

A Rochdale man who has had enough of your shit with your 'Ocsober'; 'Mowvember' and 'Veganuary' has decided to punch you all in the face during April. "It's probably the most therapeutic thing possible."...

Newspaper that regularly features Princess Diana’s ghost denies allegations of fake news

Staff at the Daily Express have been forced to deny that their publication is a tissue of lies and fake news even though it regularly tells its readership that they're all going...

Fillies to continue racing as outbreak confirmed as equine equivalent of ‘man flu’.

Initial reports that all racing in the U.K. was to be suspended have proved to be unfounded after vets have confirmed that the outbreak is merely 'stallion flu', the equivalent of 'man flu'. "They aren't...

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