“One walk a day more than enough” say The Proclaimers

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Following Prime Minister Boris Johnson's announcement that the UK is now in a state of national emergency and that citizens are only permitted to leave their homes to exercise once a day,...

DFS sale finally over

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After 51 years, the DFS sale has finally come to an end. With the news from Prime Minister Boris Johnson that the UK has effectively gone into lockdown, the board of furniture giant...

Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus

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Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend entire days with their humans. Cat, Bill Board told...

Police concern as Derbyshire sees record levels of panic hiking

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Police have appealed to members of the public to exert self restraint as hordes of bored walkers descended on Britain's highways and byways and quickly stripped secluded areas of walks. The phenomenon has been dubbed...

Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms

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Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney".  Claiming to have graduated one of Rochdale's leading Catholic schools,...

Euro 2020 tournament to be played on XBox, UEFA confirms

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The European Football Championship 2020 is to be played on XBox, UEFA has told The Rochdale Herald. In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, European football's governing body has taken the decision to...

Blitz spirit will see us through says man panic buying sanitary towels and Quinoa

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The UK's Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, has likened the nation's handling of the Coronavirus pandemic to the "Blitz spirit" which saw plucky Brits through the 2nd World War. The Rochdale Herald took to...

Young children advised to wash hands after licking floors, walls, windows, banister rails and...

Young children around the UK have been advised that the best way to stop the spread of Coronavirus is by thoroughly washing their hands after licking other people and stuff they find...

Olympics cancelled. To be replaced by international Fortnite tournament.

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Reports are emerging that the International Olympic Committee has convened to discuss cancelling this year's summer Olympics.  The report, which comes to The Rochdale Herald from sports correspondent Veranda Barbecue, details plans to...

World Health Organisation upgrades five-second rule to three seconds rule

The World Health Organisation has taken the unprecedented step of upgrading the five-second rule to just three seconds. As the deadly Coronavirus pandemic sweeps the globe members of the public have been asked...

“Could Coronavirus be as deadly as Harold Shipman?” Your Coronavirus questions answered

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With Coronavirus fever hitting the nation Rochdale residents had many questions. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College answers some of them. Will Coronavirus be as deadly as Harold Shipman? Harold Shipman killed between 250...
White Supremes

Cabinet to wear face masks during Cobra meeting as precaution against Coronavirus

The prime minister and senior members of the cabinet are to wear full face masks during today's Cobra meeting to decide whether to bring in measures to delay the spread of coronavirus...

John Travolta health scare latest. It’s not Covid19, it’s just Saturday night fever.

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Reports that John Travolta has contracted Covid19 are being down played by his agent. "John has chills, they're multiplying and he's losing control" Mr Travolta's agent told The Rochdale Herald's Hollywood correspondent.  "We would...

LIDL opens second till

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As panic buying continues, one branch of LIDL has opened a second till. Regional Manager Labia McKenzie, 17, said "We've taken the drastic measure of opening till number 3 at our store in...
Piers Morgan

Petition for Piers Morgan to self isolate reaches 16.14m signatures

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A petition for Piers Morgan to self isolate has reached 16.14 million signatures. The petition, which has recieved support from across the world, has nothing to do with Coronavirus or Covid19. People just need...

Singing Covid19 to the tune of Come On Eileen makes Coronavirus less intimidating says...

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In an effort to stem growing panic, the WHO has released new advice for those concerned about Coronavirus.  Virologist Dr Kevin McRowland released the following statement this morning: "Studies have found that singing 'Covid19'...

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