Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’
Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush.
The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on...
“Operation Cumshot” – UK gov commits to spunking £100bn on wizard wheeze
The UK government has announce a new initiative to spend £100bn on a COVID-19 testing programme, the Rochdale Herald has learned.
The initiative, the budget...
Downing Street denies allegations of incontinence
In an unprecedented announcement, Downing Street issued a denial of any suggestions that the Prime Minister is incontinent.
"During a period of initial uncertainty, many...
Boris “getting Coronavirus done”. PM tests positive.
The Rochdale Herald can confirm that the Prime Minister of the UK, Boris Johnson, has tested positive for Coronavirus.
Having been tested for Coronavirus on...
Theresa May to change name to Votey McVoteface to secure youth vote
Prime Minister Theresa May will change her name to Votey McVoteface ahead of this Thursday's general election.
With the election a matter of hours away...
Everyone to star in latest series of Big Brother
In a massive change of direction, our government known for privatising everything for short term gain and long term loss has bought out Dutch based media...
Lovely Grandma catches racism after wiping bottom on Daily Mail
A lovely old grandma who contracted racism during a trip to Burnley last week is in a "serious condition" after being admitted to an...
Satirist suspects people just reading his headlines
An angry satirist is convinced that people are just reading the headlines of his articles and maybe the first sentence underneath.
"Anything after that could...
Not enough young gay men commit suicide say arseholes in Anglican Synod
The utterly irrelevant small minded patronising pricks, bitches and utter arseholes in the Anglican Synod have said that not enough vulnerable young men kill themselves every year.
House spiders launch campaign to reduce number of ‘sleeping mouth’ fatalities
A group of house spiders has launched a campaign aimed at reducing the number of arachnids being swallowed by sleeping humans.
Actual grown up man wins race around France on child’s toy
An actual grown up man has won a really long race around France on a children's toy.
The Team Sky rider from Cardiff, Geraint Thomas,...
Justin Bieber cancels world tour due to popular demand
Justin Bieber has cancelled the remainder of his world tour after 1.4bn Chinese people demanded it.
A publicist told us, "Premature endings are always disappointing....
Hollywood blockbuster may not feature Benedict Cumberbatch
Controversy struck Hollywood today when news broke that a new high budget movie might not feature Bendable Cramplebitch.
"2017 is a brand new year," said...
Crap internet in rural Scotland and Wales is good for the NHS says Westminster
One in five people, or 20% of the people in large areas of Scotland and Wales have not been online in the last three...
Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises
A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams.
"It's not just...
Transfer News: Surprise deal Rochdale – Man Utd
Transfer News: In a shock late move, minnows Rochdale have thrashed out a deal with giants Manchester United.
As this weekend brought an end to...
