Police

Amber Rudd confirms extra police will be provided from Magic Bobby Tree

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The Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, said “The Met have deployed extra police to reassure communities especially those observing Ramadan." This is the fourth time...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

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As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team...
Tommy Robinson

‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail

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With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy...
Idris Elba

Leaked Bond script just ninety minutes of Idris Elba’s Aston Martin being stopped by...

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Latest Bond film, Stop and be Searched, shows James Bond as you have never seen him before After speculation in recent months that the next...

Spacey “to seek treatment” for being horny 20 years ago and coincidentally gay

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The publicist for Kevin Spacey has announced that the Oscar-winning actor is seeking treatment, as reports emerged that another young man had nothing happen...
Theresa May

Theresa May counters ‘dead in the water’ jibes by her splashing about and crying...

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George Osborne expected to push Theresa May’s political career beneath the waterline when he claimed she was ‘dead in the water’, but May quickly...
Laptop

Not all men, say men

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Men would like you to know that the thing a man just did, just isn't something they would do Following a recent incident where a...

Liberal Democrats now so wet they’re considered homeopathic

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A stink has been kicking up this week after the British Homeopathic Association were forced to distance themselves from the Liberal Democrats after a northern fake newspaper editor claimed The Lib Dems were less effective than homeopathy.

New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their...

People Telling Me I Shouldn’t Have Told Schoolgirl To F*ck Off Can F*ck Off...

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The Conservative MP for Wells, James 'Compost' Heappey got all sweary when visiting the massively overpriced Millfield Academy for Young Toffs and Toffettes.  A Scottish...

EU to offer May reproduction of Munch’s The Scream to hang in 10 Downing...

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The woman who believes she is British Prime Minister is to travel to Florence tomorrow to give a one date stand up performance in...

Nigel Farage launches leadership challenge

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Less then 24 hours after fewer than half of UKIP members voted for part time Ronnie Wood lookalike Diane James to be their new...

Statistics confirm three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s statistics

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UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s use of...
Ferrero Roche

Nigel Farage spends £1,000 on Ferrero Rocher ‘just in case’

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Far right stringless Thunderbird puppet and multi-millionaire Dulwich educated ex-banker and man of the people Nigel Farage reportedly bought the middle class toffees straight...

TV producer just can’t quite find the right Kraftwerk song for Tour De France...

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Local TV producer and sound editor has expressed 'exasperation' in his struggle to find exactly the right song by seminal German synth pioneers to...

Theresa May fails fascist dictator litmus test after not getting trains to run on...

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For the second time this week seasonally predictable temperatures have ground the railways to a virtual halt across the south and south-east of England....

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