Civil rights group shocked after Ant McPartlin sentenced to watching Britain’s Got Talent

Prisoners' rights group, Liberty, protested against the harsh treatment of Ant McPartlin in a strongly worded text to The Rochdale Herald today after the cheeky Geordie piss-head was sentenced to watch Britain's Got Talent...
Cat's Eyes

The Sun wins top spot in nationwide industry poll

Following recent scandals involving their journalists, inaccurate reporting and misinforming large sections of the population The Sun newspaper has had some positive feedback from an unlikely source. Cat litter manufacturers have conducted a survey and...
Sadiq Khan

Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab

Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. The Mayor said "Almost 40 per...
Refugees Welcome

Fury as UK migration laws mean that London will be SWAMPED with Brummies by...

Birmingham is a modern, cosmopolitan city whose motto, Forward, sums it up perfectly. The smug, self-serving shithole that is London is the reverse. With its man-bunned hipsters vaping vapidly and gladly paying £10 for...
Jeremy Clarkson

Star in a really cross flight bar

Sun "journo" and fist of reason, Jeremy Clarkson was recently prevented from boarding a plane in Stuttgart, Germany and he claims that the bigoted Argentinian airport worker who prevented him from doing so did...
London Underground Train

Panicked London train commuters force open doors and flee onto tracks after friendly northerner...

London commuters forced open the doors of a packed rush hour tube train yesterday bringing the train to a complete standstill and causing power to the tracks to be cut off. Witnesses caught up...

Corbyn supporters call for reselection of Copeland constituency

After Labour's marginal win in Stoke and devastating Loss in Copeland by elections, Left wing Labour supporters are calling for reselection of the constituency. Speaking to disappointed and angry Corbynistas, we got the following statements: "At first I thought...

Woman always repeating “no meal is better than a bad meal” went hungry last...

A woman who keeps saying “no meal is better than a bad meal” to the people she’s supposed to have dinner with went hungry last night while being at a table full of other...
Family Watching Television

ITV to rival Gogglebox with show about idiots watching morons watching television

Channel 4 have been ratings kings for the last few years with their flagship show, Gogglebox.  In the surprise smash idiots get to watch idiots watching TV. There are several families who participate by...
Border Collie Sunglasses

Essex dog fears for future after hands-on meeting with Prime Minister

Essex - A black and white border collie from Sonning, Essex was reported to be safe in protective custody after being accosted by the Prime Minister Theresa May outside St Andrew's Church in Sonning,in...

Government announces new mascot for Brexit Will of the People

Brexit Minister, David Davis, today announced the launch of a new campaign which aims to give Britain's exit from the European Union a more upbeat, relatable image. Figure heading the campaign is “face of Brexit”...

GCSE Results Spell Success for Dyslexic Pupils

Students at Maple Hayes Dyslexia Scool in Lichfield have been celebrating incredible GCSE exam success. While many students couldn't read or write when they first attended the school almost 25% achieved A* to C grade...
Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey records shock cover of Dead Kennedy’s ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’ in support...

Born again Christian pop singer and self styled "voice of the MTV generation" Mariah Carey, has sent shock waves through tin pan alley with the announcement that she has recorded a cover of the...

President Trump launches Ivanka’s exclusive Hello Pussy lingerie line during talks with Japanese Prime...

Reading aloud small words from a Steve Bannon script, President Trump welcomed Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe, to the famous White House.  After he let go of the stunned Prime Minister’s hand following a...

Rochdale Herald issues cease and desist warning against The Southend News Network

The editorial department at The Rochdale Herald was in uproar this afternoon after one of the biggest names in satirical local news blatantly ripped off their ripped off meme of Jeremy Corbyn on an...
Letterbox

Boris Johnson looks like a c*nt, say letterboxes

Letterboxes around the UK have stood by their remarks about the Boris Johnson after the Post Office chairman asked them to apologise. There is broad cross party support for letterboxes who have been criticised by...

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