Jeremy Corbyn under investigation after making vicar’s daughter cry during hustings

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Leftist wheat-eater Jeremy Corbyn came under fire from his own back-benchers today, after being accused of making a girl cry, and not just any...

Katie Hopkins outraged as new IPhone X automatically set to permanently disabled and unable...

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Odious journo-babbler, Katie Hopkins was furious yesterday when she discovered that her new IPhone X was in fact less use than Boris Johnson in...

Clean-shaven white van man obviously failed by mental health services

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A clean-shaven, white man has been arrested outside a Mosque in Finsbury, London, after his van veered off the road and directly into eleven...

Jeremy Hunt Pictures Issued To Stop People Choking

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A new cure has been unveiled by the NHS to stop people choking - looking at pictures of Jeremy Hunt. This seemingly controversial move actually...
David Cameron

Cameron cronies cry nonsense at cries of Conservative cronyism 

Friends of David Cameron have sprung to his defence today after accusations that his Exit Honours list is an example of cronyism. "Clearly this is...
Blue Passport

A blue passport is an integral part of being British, says bloke who’s never...

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The great victory that is Brexit has delivered old-style blue passport covers to the grateful people. Rejoicing Brits across the country have been applying...

Man who received double hand transplant can’t wait to “trim his hedge”

The first person in the UK ever to have a double hand transplant has told The Rochdale Herald that he can't wait to get...
Money

Nigerian Prince perplexed no one wants free money

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Prince Terry Ojukwu III, of Nigeria, recently ran into financial difficulties when his bank fell into administration, leaving him just 24 hours to withdraw...
Paul Nuttall

Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.

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Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to...
Brussels Cathedral

New Year to be rung in with chimes of Brussels Cathedral

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Engineers have said it is unlikely they will be able to restore the chimes of Big Ben in time for New Year's Eve. Chief...

Britain First’s meme maker in coma

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As Poppy Day draws ever closer, the strain of making anti Muslim memes has proven to much for Britain First's head of social media, Tommy...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

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As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team...
Scientist

People with personalised number plates are knobs, according to latest research

Antisocial anthropologist Dr Alec Smartt revealed this astounding fact in his dissertation entitled "Discerning the class differentials in a post-modern classless society". Dr Smartt's...
Spider

Boris Johnson bitten by radioactive spider, spider now a complete c*nt

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A radioactive spider was rushed to the vets today after biting Boris Johnson and subsequently becoming a massive arsehole. Apparently after biting Mr Johnson the...

Fake news reporting undermining professionals

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Following the news that the owner of everyone's favourite dog and Facebook creator, Mark Zuckerberg has called to investigate fake news sites and exercise...
Glastonbury

Glastonbury food vendors uproar after Jeremy Corbyn feeds festival with five loaves and two...

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Food vendors at the Glastonbury festival have been in uproar today after Jeremy Corbyn fed the entire site using just five loaves of bread...

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