The UK’s negotiations with the EU hit a stumbling block today, after it emerged that Michel Barnier has unfriended David Davis on Facebook.
Brexit secretary Davis is said to be “absolutelyy fummin (sic)” that the EU’s chief negotiator has both unfriended and blocked him, and is said to have responded by sending Barnier an ‘angry face’ emoji on Kik messenger.
An EU insider told the Herald that Barnier blocked Davis after being bombarded with both Farmville and Candy Crush Saga requests, most of which were sent when Davis should have been figuring out how to pay the UK’s multi-billion pound ‘divorce’ settlement.
“We knew that the UK government weren’t taking the negotiations particularly seriously, but when your virtual farm takes precedent over the thousands of British farmers who are going to be f*cked over by Brexit you have to wonder why they even bother,” he said.
“Mr. Barnier is a patient man but he could only tolerate so many childish ‘Taking Are (sic) Country Back’ memes popping up in his Facebook feed before he decided to give Davis the virtual boot.”
The rift between the two was exposed when Davis posted a scathing status update criticising the EU’s approach to the Brexit negotiations.
“OMG so many snakes in hear (sic), the sooner we leaves the better!!1!” he wrote. Trade Secretary Liam Fox then intervened, asking, “U ok hun?”, before telling Davis that he would “PM u babes”. The UK’s current negotiating position remains unclear, but Davis and Fox have allegedly set up a fake Facebook profile claiming to be the head of the World Bank, Kristalina Georgiva, in an attempt to ‘catfish’ the EU into softening their hardline stance.
Meanwhile, a Downing Street insider has revealed that Theresa May was devastated to discover that she now has twenty-seven fewer Facebook friends than Angela Merkel, prompting her to set up a questionable Snapchat Story feed titled ‘The Erotic Adventures of a Dead Woman Walking’ in a bid to raise her online profile.