Couple with dog

Possible to know same amount about Brexit by trying to hide from it as...

As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow piss in the bowl, even though you're a...
Theresa May

Get behind my shit deal or we won’t be able to do dreadful thing,...

Theresa May has urged MP's to get behind her awful Brexit plan or risk not being able to have Brexit. With many people warning that it's a really stupid...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn demands General Election so voters can choose between Brexit or Brexit

Jeremy Corbyn has demanded that the Government call a General Election in order that the public can choose between his insane version of Brexit or the Governments. A spokesman...
Theresa May

Theresa May accused of muttering in parliament “fuck em, let em starve”

Theresa May was accused of muttering the words "fuck em, let em starve" in parliament on Wednesday. May appeared to mutter the words during a debate in the Commons about whether or not orphaned children...
theresa nay laughing

I don’t mean to brag, I don’t mean to boast, but I destroy fields...

Reinvigorated Prime Minister takes back control; promises strong Tory programme to boost food banking sector "Listen up you detestable worms, you aren't going to get a people's vote on Brexit, and you aren't getting another...
Rees Mogg

You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told

Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night. Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group which is to European research what Andrew Wakefield is to...

May to offer Britain complete break from Boris Johnson

In a last ditch attempt to win the X Factor vote tonight,the PM today took the unusual but popular step to separate Boris Johnson from Britain. On some politics show she told some BBC presenter...

Britain faces Sophie’s choice over which incompetent arsehole leads it

Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it. A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the prospect of a fresh Prime Minister with new ideas to...
Children At Christmas

Only 4 more Prime Ministers until Christmas, say children

Excitement at a Rochdale school is building after pupils discovered there are only 4 more Prime Ministers until Christmas. One teacher at the Robert Mugabe Academy told us, "It's been insane all morning. They just...
Boris Johnson

Allegations 15,000 dick pics discovered on Boris Johnson’s Foreign Office issued mobile phone

The Foreign Office has denied allegations that a mobile phone issued to Boris Johnson when he was Foreign Secretary was found to contain 15,000 dick pics. A Foreign Office insider, Ivor Biggin told us, "It's...

London celebrates first “Gammon Pride” event

Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will see gammons from all over the country converge on London...

Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery

There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled. The news comes after many months of negotiations between Downing Street and Marston's Brewery collapsed...

Only 23 days to save historic Christmas Deal, warn turkeys

Turkeys have declared that today there are only 23 days to save their historic Christmas deal. They have warned that is vitally important that the stark choice between whether or not to use Bisto or...

Failed withdrawal expected to lead to painful Labour

Using the withdrawal method requires a high level of self-control.  Even then, the withdrawal method isn't especially effective. On the face of it (which is a method recommended in some films), the withdrawal method is...
Corbyn Elbow Patches

Jeremy Corbyn wins coveted Empty Suit award

Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Empty Suit award. The ceremony took place in London last night and as tradition dictates Mr Corbyn wasn't there to accept the award. Instead, a spokesperson said, "This rounds...
Gibraltar

Gibraltar dispute with Spain jeopardises Leave voters’ retirement plans

Come and have a go if you think your armada enough After nearly two years of complaining about the hard line EU negotiator Michel Barnier was taking, British diplomats and Jeremy Hunt have finally succeeded...

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