Trump Airplane

Trump state visit downgraded amid protest fears

It has been announced that President Trump’s forthcoming visit to the UK has been downgraded from a full state visit.POTUS was invited to meet the Queen at Buckingham Palace by Theresa May earlier in...

David Davis reveals he’s accidentally been attending PTA meetings in Brussels and has no...

There were refreshing bursts of honesty in the ritual Brexit update today when David Davis revealed he’s only just worked out he’s been attending PTA meetings and has no idea what’s been going on...

Poppy Squad to begin patrolling UK streets from next week

Poppy Enforcement Directive Officers (PEDO's) are to begin patrolling the UK's streets from next week, the Government has announced.The officers, obese men dressed in black with ruddy complexions who only speak in capital letters...

Heath department hails compulsory organ donation as possible way to pay for Brexit

Sources inside the Department of Health this evening are said to be excited over the Secretary of State's alleged contribution to the debate about how to pay for Brexit.It's believed that by putting a...
Houses of Parliament

Government exempts itself from report on racism

The Government quickly moved to exempt itself from the report released yesterday which found major inequalities on racial grounds in UK organisations. Speaking without coughing her guts up for once, Prime Minister Teresa 'Honky'...

David Cameron admits he’s actually a working-class Liverpudlian

Former Prime Minister David Cameron has admitted that, contrary to popular conception, he’s actually a working-class Liverpudlian.Cameron made the shock admission during an exclusive interview with respected conservative political magazine ‘Football and girls...

Keep me out of the news says BoJo

A BBC news anchor disappeared in a cloud of bitter irony recently whilst reporting the story surrounding the Foreign Secretary’s reported texts asking to keep him out of the news.Boris Johnson is apparently...
Putin Trump

Trump and Putin plan the partition of Poland

It’s been revealed that American President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladamir Putin have agreed to partition Poland between their two countries.Both leaders agreed that whenever despots come to power ‘it’s Poland which...

UK to hold referendum on whether or not to carry on pretending May knows...

The Home Office announced this morning that voters in the U.K. will be asked to tick yes or no again in a referendum shortly.This time the question will be whether or not to...

Tommy Robinson claims full English ruined by brown sauce

Hate preacher Thomas “Tommy” Robinson (not his real name) has become terribly distraught at the presence of brown sauce in traditional English cafes.Eating a traditional Full English breakfast near the scene of...

May to seek permission from Rupert Murdoch to sack Boris Johnson

The Rochdale Herald can reveal this afternoon that Theresa May is alleged to have written to British Prime Minister Rupert Murdoch seeking permission to sack Boris Johnson.Although the address of the prime minister is...
Downing Street

Stubborn turd refuses to flush

A massive turd that is blocking the downstairs bog next to the Cabinet Meeting Room in Downing Street has been studiously ignoring hints that he isn’t welcome in the building.The steaming piece of feculence...

Corbyn’s cat is a Tory

Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has confirmed his long held suspicions that his pet cat is a died in the wool, cast iron Tory.Corbyn first suspected that his not so faithful feline friend was...

Brutus advises senators to get behind Caesar

Marcus Brutus has urged the Roman senate to show support for their leader Julius Caesar.Addressing the press at a conference outside the Senate, he asked us to lend him our ears, and explained, “I...
Boris Johnson

Boris urges Tories to get behind May as it makes it easier to stab...

Boris Johnson has today reprimanded Conservative Party Members for attempting to organise a coup and not asking him to join in. In his message, he urged Tories to get behind May, presumably to make...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson says ‘Get behind May’ as it’s best angle to knife her in...

FOREIGN SECRETARY Boris Johnson has urged colleagues to "get behind" the PM because "it’s difficult to stab people in the back when you are in front of them".In a WhatsApp message he urged...

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