Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling announces he’s pregnant after taking Covid-19 antibody test

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Chris Grayling has revealed he's pregnant after he took the new Covid-19 antibody test.  A spokesman said, "It came as quite a surprise for Chris that he was pregnant. He wasn't even trying...

Foreign holiday season likely to be cancelled says Minister for the Bleedin Obvious

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Many British people are unlikely to be able to take summer holidays abroad this year says Matt Hancock in a stunning example of the bleedin' obvious. Mr Hancock explained that "it is likely...

Rishi Sunak to announce 80% wages to be replaced by a free bike

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The Chancellor of the Exchequer is set to announce that the job retention scheme, which sees those workers furloughed by their employer receive 80% of their wages from the government, will be...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson makes it perfectly clear that he doesn’t know his R’s from his...

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  In an historic address to the nation this evening, People's Supremo Boris 'BloJo' Johnson outlined the roadmap back to the new normality that opposition MPs have been crying out for these past...

UK Government leads world in stable door shutting contest

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The UK government has taken the lead in the worldwide contest to shut the stable door long after the horse has not only bolted but run amok and impregnated every mate it...

Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy

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Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their son. Ms...

Treasury seek OAP to sit in baked beans to fund Social Services

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In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services. In the statement, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak announced, "Following the outstanding...

UK in shock as Boris Johnson steps down

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The people of the United Kingdom took a collective gasp today, Wednesday 1st of April, as Boris Johnson announced he would be stepping down. "This morning," the Prime Minister announced from self isolation...

Boris catches coronavirus despite consistently washing hands of all responsibility

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Finally, after what feels like years of writing about this car crash of a government you NHS applauding, social distance ignoring flag shaggers voted in, we have something positive to report about...

Boris “getting Coronavirus done”. PM tests positive.

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The Rochdale Herald can confirm that the Prime Minister of the UK, Boris Johnson, has tested positive for Coronavirus. Having been tested for Coronavirus on the advice of Chief Medical Officer, Professor Chris...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab announces lucrative trade deal with Juice Plus+

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Dominic Raab has announced that he has completed a very lucrative trade deal with Juice Plus+. A spokesman for Mr Raaab told us, "At our away day in the north everyone  was told...

Campaign to crowdfund a copy of Bravo Two Zero and box of tissues for...

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A crowdfunding campaign set up to raise enough money for a copy of Bravo Two Zero and a man size box of tissues for Mark Francois has been declared a rip roaring...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab warns against travel to Iran and other Scandinavian countries

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The foreign secretary Dominic Raab has warned British nationals not to travel to Iran or any other Scandinavian countries following last week's US airstrikes on the capital of Bulgaria, Baghdad. "I'm not sure...

Johnson replaces Cabinet with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

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Boris Johnson committed himself to leading Britain into 'a new chapter' yesterday. Downing Street sources revealed that the chapter referred to by the tousled Muppet Prime Minister will be Chapter 6 of the Revelations...

Iain Duncan Smith ‘devastated’ he may have to wait six weeks for knighthood

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Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six weeks for his knighthood. Duncan Smith, said that when...

In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless

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Albion; pleasant, fair and green In the year of our Lord, 2020 Dragons were few and seldom seen, Yet poor folk were a plenty   Though dragons were vanquished many years prior The...

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