UK in shock as Boris Johnson steps down

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The people of the United Kingdom took a collective gasp today, Wednesday 1st of April, as Boris Johnson announced he would be stepping down. "This morning," the Prime Minister announced from self isolation...

Boris catches coronavirus despite consistently washing hands of all responsibility

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Finally, after what feels like years of writing about this car crash of a government you NHS applauding, social distance ignoring flag shaggers voted in, we have something positive to report about...

Boris “getting Coronavirus done”. PM tests positive.

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The Rochdale Herald can confirm that the Prime Minister of the UK, Boris Johnson, has tested positive for Coronavirus. Having been tested for Coronavirus on the advice of Chief Medical Officer, Professor Chris...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab announces lucrative trade deal with Juice Plus+

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Dominic Raab has announced that he has completed a very lucrative trade deal with Juice Plus+. A spokesman for Mr Raaab told us, "At our away day in the north everyone  was told...

Campaign to crowdfund a copy of Bravo Two Zero and box of tissues for...

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A crowdfunding campaign set up to raise enough money for a copy of Bravo Two Zero and a man size box of tissues for Mark Francois has been declared a rip roaring...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab warns against travel to Iran and other Scandinavian countries

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The foreign secretary Dominic Raab has warned British nationals not to travel to Iran or any other Scandinavian countries following last week's US airstrikes on the capital of Bulgaria, Baghdad. "I'm not sure...

Johnson replaces Cabinet with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

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Boris Johnson committed himself to leading Britain into 'a new chapter' yesterday. Downing Street sources revealed that the chapter referred to by the tousled Muppet Prime Minister will be Chapter 6 of the Revelations...

Iain Duncan Smith ‘devastated’ he may have to wait six weeks for knighthood

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Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six weeks for his knighthood. Duncan Smith, said that when...

In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless

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Albion; pleasant, fair and green In the year of our Lord, 2020 Dragons were few and seldom seen, Yet poor folk were a plenty   Though dragons were vanquished many years prior The...

King Joffrey to perform Iain Duncan Smith knighting ceremony

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Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform Iain Duncan Smith's Knighting ceremony. A Palace spokesman said,...
Ski Trip

Momentum members take comfort from prospect of cheaper ski holidays

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Whenever election results don't go as hoped, there is always a chance that the downhearted will become the outright depressed.  Fortunately, Momentum organiser Mia Miah has managed to see the bright side. "Clearly,...
Turkey

Turkeys delighted they’re able to finally “get Christmas done”

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Turkeys up and down the country are said to be delighted that they are now in a position to finally "get Christmas done." "We've been oven-ready for months." A spokes-turkey told The Rochdale...

Jo Swinson to present new series of ‘Great British Railway Journeys’

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The BBC has announced that Jo Swinson will replace Michael Portillo as host of the show, in much the same way as a smug self-important high profile politician losing their seat will henceforth be...

Public outcry as politician caught out telling the truth

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Big news in the world of politics today where the Mayor of Rushcliffe has been lambasted for not lying.  Christine Jeffreys, Mayor of Rushcliffe announced to gathered children at the Christmas lights...
Boris Johnson

Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge

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Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a fridge in a hospital in Leeds. With shocking fowl...
Hospital

Tories promise extra floor space and 50,000 more coats in the 40 new hospitals...

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The Conservative Party has released its newest manifesto pledge to increase A&E floor space in the 40 hospitals they are definitely not building, as well as ensuring 50,000 more coats for sick children to...

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