Iain Duncan Smith ‘devastated’ he may have to wait six weeks for knighthood

0
Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six weeks for his knighthood. Duncan Smith, said that when...

In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless

0
Albion; pleasant, fair and green In the year of our Lord, 2020 Dragons were few and seldom seen, Yet poor folk were a plenty   Though dragons were vanquished many years prior The...

King Joffrey to perform Iain Duncan Smith knighting ceremony

0
Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform Iain Duncan Smith's Knighting ceremony. A Palace spokesman said,...
Ski Trip

Momentum members take comfort from prospect of cheaper ski holidays

0
Whenever election results don't go as hoped, there is always a chance that the downhearted will become the outright depressed.  Fortunately, Momentum organiser Mia Miah has managed to see the bright side. "Clearly,...
Turkey

Turkeys delighted they’re able to finally “get Christmas done”

0
Turkeys up and down the country are said to be delighted that they are now in a position to finally "get Christmas done." "We've been oven-ready for months." A spokes-turkey told The Rochdale...

Jo Swinson to present new series of ‘Great British Railway Journeys’

0
The BBC has announced that Jo Swinson will replace Michael Portillo as host of the show, in much the same way as a smug self-important high profile politician losing their seat will henceforth be...

Public outcry as politician caught out telling the truth

0
Big news in the world of politics today where the Mayor of Rushcliffe has been lambasted for not lying.  Christine Jeffreys, Mayor of Rushcliffe announced to gathered children at the Christmas lights...
Boris Johnson

Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge

0
Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a fridge in a hospital in Leeds. With shocking fowl...
Hospital

Tories promise extra floor space and 50,000 more coats in the 40 new hospitals...

0
The Conservative Party has released its newest manifesto pledge to increase A&E floor space in the 40 hospitals they are definitely not building, as well as ensuring 50,000 more coats for sick children to...

Tories to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals

0
The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research and have concluded that the leading cause of...

Leaked Conservative manifesto just 5 pages of “lets get Brexit done” written in Russian

0
With less than 3 weeks until the nation once again goes back to the polls, the Rochdale Herald has managed to obtain a leaked copy of the Conservative manifesto. The five page manifesto written entirely...
Big Ben

Bullshit to power Westminster by 2025 say Greens

0
Pure bullshit from the House of Commons is to be converted into useful energy to power the City of Westminster, the Green Party has pledged. The bold new initiative aims to reduce parliament's carbon footprint...
Jeremy Corbyn

Commie Corbyn pledges to nationalise your teeth

0
Bearded Trotskyite do-gooder, Jeremy Corbyn has taken a break from sending care packages full of homemade jam to terrorists, to nationalise absolutely everything. Clueless commie Corbyn, in a bid to secure the votes of millions...

Hospital waiting times longest ever as people queue to abuse Boris Johnson

0
"Waiting times for the NHS in England are the longest ever and it's because people are waiting so they can abuse Boris Johnson." Rochdale resident Stan Still told us, "I wanted the opportunity to see...

Labour reports sophisticated cyberattack after Jeremy Corbyn’s MySpace account is hacked

0
The Labour Party has announced that it has been the subject of a cyberattack today. A spokesman told us, "We first became aware of the attack when Jeremy announced he could no longer...

Brexit Party candidate apologises for not wearing poppy on his Nazi uniform

0
Brexit Party candidate Graham Cushway has been forced to issue an apology after being spotted without a Remembrance Day poppy on his Luftwaffe uniform. Mr Cushway aka Lord Pyre, bassist of the "Nazi vampire" themed...

Follow us

61,777FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
23,674FollowersFollow

Popular Posts