Red-faced Green makes pinky promise regarding blue movies

The latest sex scandal to hit the presses involves Damien Green using pornography at work. The de facto Prime Minister-in-waiting appears to have tossed away his chance to lead the country. Green has vowed...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn is a bit shit, admits former Momentum leader Robbie Tomlinson

Former Rochdale Momentum leader, Robbie Tomlinson, whose real name is Stuart Taxley-Gibbon, has admitted today that Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the Labour Party, is a bit shit.Tomlinson, 31, from Ramsbottom, who stood down from...
Westminster

Power hungry arseholes also pervy fuckers shocker

The United Kingdom is in shock this week after an all-party think tank found that power hungry arseholes of all political persuasions are also pervy fuckers.A slew of allegations of sexual misconduct hit both...
Rees Mogg

Jocob Rees-Mogg insists women have absolute rights over bodies, except if they receive gift...

The fall-out from the Weinstein allegations of rape, sexual abuse and unwanted sexual advances continues to widen and include those in political life.Whilst the falloout is becoming what many misogynists and philanderers are insisting...
Michael Fallon on bus

Michael Fallon quits Cabinet to pursue dream of ‘not having to work here any...

The Secretary of State for Defence has left colleagues at the Cabinet stunned when he sent a memo slating all of them at once.In the memo sent out to his colleagues in the Cabinet,...
Michael Fallon

Saudia Arabia to pick next UK defence secretary

Saudi Arabia moved swiftly to reassure the British people this evening that the resignation of Michael Fallon has not caught them by surprise and they are finalising their short list to choose the next...

I said ‘sack my cook & hold my calls’ says MP accused of sexual...

Embattled Tory MP Mark Garnier claims he was simply misunderstood by his Secretary over recent sex abuse allegations that have rocked Westminster.Barnier, a member of Parliament since 2010, said that he'd simply had...
Mark Garnier

What’s wrong with asking your secretary to buy you a dildo, asks complete dildo

The king of Dildos and soon to be former International Trade Minister Mark Garnier is to investigated over a potential breach of the ministerial code after he admitted to asking a former parliamentary aide to buy him a dildo
Michael Gove

Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad

The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being politely asked questions about his job during an interview on Radio...

Thatcher to be resurrected on Halloween night to put the caring back into the...

The office of the prime minister has reassured the nation this morning by announcing that patron saint of Toryism, Margaret Thatcher, is to be resurrected on Halloween night this year to put the caring...

Rochdale man jumps off cliff and blames friends not believing he could fly for...

A Rochdale man who sustained life threatening injuries after he jumped off Beachy Head has blamed his injuries on his friends not believing he could fly.Friend Martin Williams told us, "We tried to tell...

Brexit bias uncovered in Westminster

After detailed research, leading academics have revealed a list of staunchly pro Brexit MPs and have demanded that the old, rich white people in question present the case for Remain to allow for balanced...

Three Tenors worth only £17.93 after Brexit

Outraged music lovers everywhere have been devastated by the news that Brexit will cause the Three Tenors to be devalued to £17.93.Observers have noted that the fall in value of the Pound has coincided...

Westminster fury as MPs told six week wait to process expenses claims

There were raucous scenes at Westminster yesterday as several MPs were advised that a new system for processing expenses meant a six week wait for reimbursement.“This is a scandal!” Terrance Loan, Con MP for...

What’s Sinister about asking academics to wear armbands to identify themselves? Asks Conservative MP

A conservative MP and government whip has written to all of the universities in the UK demanding that all the academics and experts in the UK wear armbands with an EU logo on them.Chris...
Theresa May (licence)

Brexit date to be celebrated by New ‘May Day’ Bank Holiday.

It has been announced that as of 2019, the 29th of March will become known as 'May Day' in recognition of the glorious achievements of the Prime Minister in guiding the nation to separation...

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