Houses of Parliament

Lib Dems table bill to give each Leave voter bendy banana and note saying...

MPs are meeting this afternoon to discuss vital legislation that could break the Brexit deadlock and potentially save the Government. A bill tabled by Jo Swinson, leader of the Liberal Democrats, is currently...

Loud booing interrupted by Boris Johnson speech

Millions of viewers who tuned into a BBC broadcast of tens of thousands of people booing and hissing at Downing Street today were left disappointed after the Prime Minister drowned out the...
Westminster

Unelected man demands unelected woman suspends elected parliament

As was inevitable, faced with the likelihood of action being taken through the mechanisms of the British sovereign parliament to avert a no-deal Brexit, the unelected Prime Minister has instructed the unelected monarch to...

Poldark overwhelming choice to lead Government of National Unity

Popular TV star, the dark, brooding and enigmatic Ross Poldark has emerged as the main contender to lead a Government of National Unity as soon as a vote of no confidence is passed in...
Houses of Parliament

Government reassures voters post-Brexit ration books will also be blue

The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face food, medicine and fuel shortages after Brexit. Many experts...
UKIP

Dick Braine elected leader of Dicks for Brains

Mr Braine was the favoured dickhead ahead of his predecessor, Gerard Batten, who resigned after Dicks for Brains' poor performance in the European elections in May. The chairman of the party's West London...

Patriotic Brexiteer spends £60M on Singapore homes after saving £60M in UK Corporation Tax

Patriotic billionaire Brexiteer, Singapore resident and tax exile James Dyson has just bought a £26M bungalow in Singapore weeks after buying a Penthouse in Singapore for £43M. "Brexit is...

Gavin Williamson declares war on schools

Former Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson has declared war on schools mere hours after being appointed Education Secretary. His secret plan, which he immediately leaked, is to launch targeted drone strikes on underachieving schools as encouragement...

Remain campaigners thwarted by import shortage of “I Told You So”s

Anti-Brexit campaigners are suffering from a shortage of "I Told You So"s, as "Project Fear" rapidly swings into "Operation I Told You So", as the UK under our likely new Prime Minister...
Theresa may Trump

Blitz Spirit redefined to mean allowing a foreign Government to choose your ambassador

The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that it is redefining the meaning of Blitz Spirit. The move comes a day after the British Government handed over responsibility for appointing its ambassadors to...

Brexit Party MEPs accidentally turn to face Mecca during national anthem

Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned. "It was an honest mistake and it won't happen again."...

Scientists baffled as average IQ of North Korea drops 20% this afternoon

SScientists around the world are struggling to make sense of strange information coming out of North Korea this afternoon after the average IQ of the entire nation dropped by a staggering 20%...
Donald Trump

Our concentration camps are safer than our schools, Trump assures Democrats

Donald Trump has taken to Twitter today to assure Democrats in the United States Congress that the filthy concentration camps into which he's herding the children of migrants are much safer places...
Boris Johnson

Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend

Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early hours of this morning. Despite...

Pensioners advised to burn BBC licence fee fines to keep warm this winter

The government, breaking a manifesto promise, has facilitated the scrapping of the free TV license for over 75s from 2020. "My pension doesn't cover the bills and food as it is, the only thing that...
Titanic

Nicky Morgan claims ‘Titanic captain should not be judged by his worst mistakes’

Nicky Morgan yesterday made a conciliatory reference to fellow Tory leadership no-hoper Michael Gove's penchant for Charlie as a naive young 31 year old journalist. "He has expressed regret and he is entirely right that...

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