?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules

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Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners are strangely quiet about an Australian family who came to...

Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED

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The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified. The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be reintroduced in March 2019, is seen by many Brexit campaigners...

“Why does nobody believe me when I say I’m sorry?” asks woman with made...

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A woman who made up a fictitious CV in order to secure a series of well paid jobs in The City is about to withdraw from the recruitment process for the "top job" in...
Ladder

Trump’s view on border wall evolves after learning the word ‘ladder’

8
Donald Trump has sensationally dropped his controversial border wall plan, a key election promise, after seeing one of his Mexican labourers use a ladder for the first time.
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn crowned 2016 House of Commons Hide and Seek Champion

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Jeremy Corbyn has won this year's Parliamentary Hide and Seek championship, after only emerging after everyone had stopped looking. “You’ve got to give the Morning Star buying lentil botherer his due,” said third place runner-up...

Is there something Stephen Crabb isn’t telling us?

5
In a dramatically uncharacteristic move Stephen Crabb, the former intern at  anti-equality fundamentalist Christian group CARE and employer of interns from the anti-equality fundamentalist Christian group CARE,  made a play for the leadership of...

Ukip furious at voting for ‘the wrong Hitler’ in leadership election

2
UKIP are in disarray today after 'accidentally' electing Eddie Hitler to lead them for a month before Nigel Farage decides he wants the job again. Ray Cyst, a firm party supporter said; "We got excited when we...
Theresa May

Chips aren’t as tasty as live mice confirms Prime Minister

2
In an attempt to appear more human Theresa May took a break from eating her usual diet of live mice and had one of her aides purchase a cone of chips from a local cafe. The PM...

Brexwhat? Say the Channel Islands

1
While the UK slowly goes into meltdown over leaving the EU the people of the Channel Islands are left scratching their heads wondering what the hell Brexit is anyway?  The beautiful archipelago off the coast...

Trump publishes ‘first 100 days’ Manifesto

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President Trump is set to to release a Manifesto on his first 100 in days in office on the eve of his inauguration, a move unprecedented in US politics. "It's ludicrous what he has in...
Executioner with axe

U.S. prepares for Steve Bannon’s execution

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Following an interview in which Steve Bannon compared himself to Tudor-era royal adviser Thomas Cromwell, America is making hasty preparations for the execution of Donald Trump’s freshly appointed chief strategist.  Trump's office has been inundated with...

Hillary Clinton’s ‘Human Suit’ malfunctions at 911 memorial service

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The Presidential frontrunners cybernetic 'human suit' momentarily glitched at the recent 911 memorial service at ground zero yesterday, the third time this has happened on the campaign trail in the last two months. The cold...

Blair and Branson to form New Virgin Labour

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An email leaked to the Independent has revealed that billionaire Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson (MBE OBE BFD) is to bankroll Lord Sir Tony of Blair's new leftish wing political party and campaign group...
Theresa May

May gives UK schools education 101

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Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the past". The Rochdale Herald has this to say: 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011...
Passports

Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...

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A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be blue again. "Now that passports are going to be blue again...

Put lipstick on a pig and it’s still an attractive pig says David Cameron

1
Embarrassed confusion reigned over the little Cotswold village of Slapstick-cum-Quickly as local resident David Cameron joined a misheard conversation and totally got the wrong end of the stick. The mix up occurred when David, who...

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