?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules

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Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners are strangely quiet about an Australian family who came to...

Trump administration to ban 1984 and burn Fahrenheit 451

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The United States Federal Communications Commission (FCC) will be confiscating all copies of George Orwell’s novel 1984 and burning all copies of Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, as part of the Trump administration’s request.  According to the administration, local...

DUP offer to support May if she kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse

52
The Democratic Unionist Party has offered to support Theresa May's minority government on the condition that she kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse, according to a Government source. Following a disastrous general election for the...
Theresa May

Theresa May accused of muttering in parliament “fuck em, let em starve”

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Theresa May was accused of muttering the words "fuck em, let em starve" in parliament on Wednesday. May appeared to mutter the words during a debate in the Commons about whether or not orphaned children...
Pot to piss in

Conservatives pledge ‘free pots’ for poor to piss in

15
In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot. Current Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Crabb Green, said; "This is a fantastic opportunity...

Labour MP Needs To Bathe In Ocean

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Wanky-named cod impersonator and Labour MP Thangar Debonairre (ironically in charge of modern culture!) was recently told to "Get in the sea," by a student of Bristol University. The Labour MP then reported this as...
David Cameron

Cameron brings attention to himself to avoid attention being on him

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David Cameron, pig-fiddling, radish-faced ex-PM has decided to step down as an MP. Cameron, who nobody has so much as glanced at in Parliament since the recess ended said he was stepping down so as...
Turkey

Turkeys delighted they’re able to finally “get Christmas done”

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Turkeys up and down the country are said to be delighted that they are now in a position to finally "get Christmas done." "We've been oven-ready for months." A spokes-turkey told The Rochdale Herald in...

Nigel Farage thrilled to hold onto Question Time Seat

Nigel Farage has responded to criticism from Andrew Neill that Brexit Party no longer has a reason to exist following their total annihilation in the exit polls in the General Election by saying it isn't all...

UK threaten Russia with voting Nul Points at Eurovision

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In the wake of the alleged poisoning of Sergei Skripal and his daughter in Wiltshire last week, the UK has stepped up pressure on Vladimir Putin today with an announcement that it might not...

UKIP appoint woman who put that cat in wheelie bin as advisor on cat...

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The collection of gammon faced halfwits known as the UK Independence party has appointed the internationally famous cat abuser Mary Bale as an advisor on cat welfare issues. Mary will advise Gerard whathisface, this week's...
Westminster

Unelected man demands unelected woman suspends elected parliament

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As was inevitable, faced with the likelihood of action being taken through the mechanisms of the British sovereign parliament to avert a no-deal Brexit, the unelected Prime Minister has instructed the unelected monarch to...

Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery

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There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled. The news comes after many months of negotiations between Downing Street and Marston's Brewery collapsed...
Theresa May

Theresa May to raise voting age to 35

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Senior Tory advisors, still reeling from Thursday's disastrous election result which provided a hung parliament, are said today to be telling the prime minister Theresa May that something serious has to be done about Britain's broken electoral system.
Boris Johnson

Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend

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Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early hours of this morning. Despite explaining that "leave" means "get out"...

Greggs announce Paris as post Brexit Euro trading base and name change to De...

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Food supremo Greggs announced via a Rochdale Herald exclusive today that they have chosen Paris for their post Brexit trading headquarters and will soon change their name to De Gréoire. Long established as a culinary...

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