Politics

After Ministers were forced to make a choice between opening schools in September or keeping pubs open, the government has decided to move classes into pubs. This will have the advantage of adding parental supervision...

Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners are strangely quiet about an Australian family who came to...

The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified. The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be reintroduced in March 2019, is seen by many Brexit campaigners...

Donald Trump hit a new low today by disembowelling a newborn baby and eating her still beating heart like an apple after she interrupted him during a speech at a rally. The esteemed political philosopher...

Food supremo Greggs announced via a Rochdale Herald exclusive today that they have chosen Paris for their post Brexit trading headquarters and will soon change their name to De Gréoire. Long established as a culinary...

Embarrassed confusion reigned over the little Cotswold village of Slapstick-cum-Quickly as local resident David Cameron joined a misheard conversation and totally got the wrong end of the stick. The mix up occurred when David, who...

In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services. In the statement, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak announced, "Following the outstanding achievement of...

Fop haired twat and Yeovil MP Marcus "doesn't respond to emails" Fysh has become embroiled in a freedom of speech row on Twitter and Facebook. Mr Fysh MP, who owns a computer and apparently a...

Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their son. Ms Patel, who...

Political commentators in Moscow are all-a-chatter today over the unprecedented gossip that Vladimir Putin has been observed smirking slightly.  The current record was set in 2006 when he was seen briefly sporting a wry smile...

“It was no time for hammering,” confirmed the Prime Minister, “we had quite enough of a hammering in the election, which we still, I might add, won.” “Although I generally play the flute,” Ms Foster...

A member of the radical far left group Momentum is in custody this evening after apprehension following keying of the paintwork on David Cameron's prize winning shed. The suspect, believed to be of high...

Tony Blair has revealed his new tattoo. Mr Blair got the tattoo during a drunken night at Silvio Berlusconi's villa. The tattoo says, "Only God can judge me" in Aramaic and is located on...

Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform Iain Duncan Smith's Knighting ceremony. A Palace spokesman said, "The Queen...

The Chancellor of the Exchequer is set to announce that the job retention scheme, which sees those workers furloughed by their employer receive 80% of their wages from the government, will be replaced by...

An hour of hilarity last night made the last three years of purgatory almost worth it. The efforts by the hardest, crustiest elements of the gammon, the very crackling of Parliament, to dissuade the speaker...