Paul Nuttall

Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.

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Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to...

?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules

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Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners...

DUP offer to support May if she kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse

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The Democratic Unionist Party has offered to support Theresa May's minority government on the condition that she kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse, according...
David Cameron

Cameron brings attention to himself to avoid attention being on him

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David Cameron, pig-fiddling, radish-faced ex-PM has decided to step down as an MP. Cameron, who nobody has so much as glanced at in Parliament since...
Cat

Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...

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Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn demands General Election so voters can choose between Brexit or Brexit

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Jeremy Corbyn has demanded that the Government call a General Election in order that the public can choose between his insane version of Brexit...
Queen and Philip

The Queen asks Merkel to form a government

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Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the...
Tony Blair tattoo

Tony Blair reveals ‘only God can judge me’ tattoo

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Tony Blair has revealed his new tattoo. Mr Blair got the tattoo during a drunken night at Silvio Berlusconi's villa. The tattoo says, "Only...

What’s Sinister about asking academics to wear armbands to identify themselves? Asks Conservative MP

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A conservative MP and government whip has written to all of the universities in the UK demanding that all the academics and experts in...

Brexit Party MEPs accidentally turn to face Mecca during national anthem

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Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned. "It was an honest mistake and...

Jeremy Corbyn found alive and well and working in B&Q

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Jeremy Corbyn has been found alive and well and working in a branch of B&Q. The DIY store is well known for its positive...

UKIP appoint woman who put that cat in wheelie bin as advisor on cat...

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The collection of gammon faced halfwits known as the UK Independence party has appointed the internationally famous cat abuser Mary Bale as an advisor...

Public Health Warning-Skittles Ban comes into effect.

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The popular sweets Skittles will today be banned from sale all across the world after news has emerged that just 3 of them contain...
Pot to piss in

Conservatives pledge ‘free pots’ for poor to piss in

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In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot. Current Work and...
Downing Street

DUP advises British Gas customers to burn witches and Catholics to keep warm this...

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Princess Diana's body is to be exhumed and hung on a gibbet outside Buckingham Palace to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the last witch-hunt...

Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake

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Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on...

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