Home Authors Posts by Francis Aston

Francis Aston

549 POSTS 0 COMMENTS
Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.

Drunk driver that crashed car into tree blames tree for causing accident

0
A drunk driver that crashed his car into a tree on Saturday night has told us the tree caused the accident. A police...

Man that spent last month saying all lives matter furious at 3 million Hong...

A Rochdale man that has just spent a month telling anyone within earshot or on the internet that all lives matter has...

Scientists observe Burnley residents using simple tools and communicating in primitive grunts

0
In a paper published in the journal Science this week scientists led by, Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College have said they've...

Burnley residents fear diversity means marrying outside of immediate family

0
A Burnley man has told us that he fears moves for more diversity will mean that people will be forced to marry...

Trump tells reporters that he’s cured Megadeth

POTATUS, Donald Trump has made a sensational claim that he's cured Megadeth today. In a rambling 4 hour speech Trump said, "You know...

Arsonists shocked building they set on fire is burning

0
A group of arsonists have spoken of their shock at discovering that a building they've spent a decade carefully trying to set...
Neo Nazi

“If it wasn’t for Churchill you’d be speaking German” says man performing nazi salute...

0
A man has told the Rochdale Herald that he's protecting the statue of Winston Churchill in Whitehall because, "You'd be speaking German...

Nigel Farage leaves LBC for remake of Howards’ Way; Nigels’ Way

0
Nigel Farage has left LBC and got a job on a new remake of Howards' Way called, Nigels' Way. Producer Bill Board told...

People that pull statues down to face different level of justice to people that...

0
The Government has confirmed that the people that pulled a statue down over the weekend will face a different level of justice...
Lions

20 injured by lion at Rochdale pride march

0
There were scenes of carnage yesterday after a lion got loose and mauled several people at the annual Rochdale Pride event. One eye...

Man saying all lives matter wants Navy to torpedo boats full of refugees

0
A Rochdale man who keeps saying that all lives matter is also in favour of the Royal Navy being used to torpedo...

Thousands come together for eye testing

0
Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee...
Horse Racing

Britain begins cheap cocaine and animal abuse phase of lockdown easing

0
The Government has announced that horse racing can begin again from today.  A spokesman said, "From today people will be able to gather...

US WWII veterans arrested after Trump bans anti-fascists

0
In extraordinary scenes the US Secret Service have rounded up and imprisoned several second world war veterans after Donald Trump announced the...
Donald Trump DNA

US achieves 100% employment after Twitter forced to fact check Trump tweets

Donald Trump has achieved the biggest turnaround in US unemployment figures ever after Twitter was forced to recruit fact checkers to fact...

Footage of Michael Gove going for a drive emerges

0
Michael Gove has denied that footage of someone driving blind folded is actually him this afternoon. The footage appears to show Mr Gove...

Follow us

62,153FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
23,819FollowersFollow

Popular Posts