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Francis Aston

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.**Not all of these necessarily true.

Princess Diana’s ghost gives Express readers advice on how to deal with slippery driving...

The ghost of Diana, Princess of Wales, has been giving Daily Express readers advice on how to survive the cold weather.Speaking through a medium,...

Posh twit in gilet loses both arms to frostbite

Henry Charles Chomlomoly has been telling us how he's lost both his arms whilst out sledging.Harry told us, "Cripes, got up this morning and...

“Family friendly” pubs to ban single men at weekends

Pubs that describe themselves as family friendly say they intend to ban single men from their premises at weekends.Parent Cindy "Everyone's a pedo" Maguire...

Remainers lead campaign to remove warning labels from household chemicals and rerun Brexit referendum

It's been revealed that remainers are leading a campaign to remove warning labels from household chemicals. It's believed that this is part of their...

Canada recognises the Alamo as capital of Mexico

Donald Trump has given a calm and measured response to news that Canada intends to move it's Mexican embassy to the Alamo.Just kidding. Trump...

Middle aged man who bought passata just one small step from red skinny jeans...

Rochdale man Stan Still is just a short step away from buying skinny red jeans according to his girlfriend.Alga Rithem, Stan's partner for the...
Bearded hipster coffee

Flexitarians disappointed to learn that it means same as omnivorous

Leading flexitarians have been holding emergency talks about revelations that flexitarianism is just the same as being omnivorous.Research from Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale...
Angry Man Shouting

Rochdale entrepreneur fails to set up free trade agreement with Burnley

Rochdale entrepreneur Cliff Edge has been explaining to the Rochdale Herald how he tried to negotiate a free-trade deal with a supermarket in Burnley.The...

Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank.Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy.The teacher, who asked not...

Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home

Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year.In a telephone call Mr Assange told us,...
Unhappy Hippy Kid

Children of hippy parents gear up for annual disappointment of ethical advent calendars

The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars.8 year old Freedom Snowphish said,...

Theresa May says alcohol and poor judgement to blame for Trump state visit

Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today.Responding to criticism that the invitation for...
Farage in Russian hat

Nigel farage to accept Russian Government lifetime achievement award in person

Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) is alleged to be thrilled at being awarded the Russian Government's lifetime achievement award.Zoya Feedosev, Russian envoy to...

Rochdale trolley collector quits job, anaesthetises pigeon and cuts off let to pursue career...

A Rochdale man has today spoken exclusively to the Herald about his short-lived career as a pirate.Captain Lidl Beard had been working as a...

Donald Trump tweets that he was going to be asked to marry Harry but...

Donald Trump has sensationally tweeted that Prince Harry was going to ask him to marry him.POTUS explained on social media yesterday that he...

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