Home Authors Posts by Francis Aston

Francis Aston

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.

Wetherspoons to rebrand as “Special Circle of Hell”

Pub chain Wetherspoons is to re-brand as the Special Circle of Hell following an endorsement by EU President Donald Tusk.

Newspaper that regularly features Princess Diana’s ghost denies allegations of fake news

Staff at the Daily Express have been forced to deny that their publication is a tissue of lies and fake news even...
Jeremy Corbyn

Man who claims he will talk to anyone to solve problems refuses to talk...

A man who often says that you should meet your opponents and discuss problems and issues with them to find a solution...

Men applaud new Gillette advert that features man carving his initials into girlfriends face...

A new advert for Gillette razors has been lauded by Piers Morgan as, "way better than all that social justice bollocks".
Theresa May

Get behind my shit deal or we won’t be able to do dreadful thing,...

Theresa May has urged MP's to get behind her awful Brexit plan or risk not being able to have Brexit.

Psychic wins EuroMillions for sixth week running

A Rochdale based psychic has won the Euromillions lottery for the sixth week running. In an interview conducted 7...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn demands General Election so voters can choose between Brexit or Brexit

Jeremy Corbyn has demanded that the Government call a General Election in order that the public can choose between his insane version...

Government announces Festival of Brexit will be held in derelict car manufacturing plants

The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit. Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, "The festival will...
Range Rover

It’s the will of the people – Jaguar Land Rover tells redundant employees

Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people.
riot police 2

Starbucks evacuated after customer Alan Akbar orders a coffee

A Starbucks in Manchester was evacuated today after a man called Alan Akbar ordered a Caramel Frappuccino. Alan told...

Dry January downgraded to reduced drinking January

A Rochdale man has told us how he has revised plans to do dry January and will now be doing reduced drinking...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling awards ferry contract to Nigerian Prince after receiving fortuitous email

Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan furious after discovering Buffalo Wings don’t contain Buffalo

Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any...

Shop selling stuff people don’t buy goes into administration, again

People in Rochdale have been speaking of the shock at discovering HMV has collapsed again. Many thought it had gone bust years...

Queen acts out stamp during charades for 60th year running

The Queen acted out a stamp for the 60th year running during the traditional game of Charades at Sandringham yesterday. An insider told us, "She...

Birmingham Airport begins Windows 10 update

Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre...

Follow us


Popular Posts