Sunday, May 27, 2018
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Francis Aston

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.
Heart Attack

What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack

It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...
Pigs

Stop calling florid cheeked alcoholic racists gammon, it’s racist, say pigs

Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of...
Paris

Meghan Markle’s mum ecstatic with trip to Paris courtesy of Duke of Edinburgh

Meghan Markle's mum, Doria Ragland is reported to be over the moon with the trip to Paris that the Duke of Edinburgh has given...
Theresa May

Trust me to deliver Brexit, says woman you wouldn’t trust to deliver a pizza

"I'll deliver Brexit just like I deliver pizza." That's what Theresa May said and people have been queuing up to say that that's Brexit...
Brexit Bus

Increased racism was on the other bus say Brexiteers

Brexiteers have been quick to point out that a post-Brexit vote increase in racism was on the other bus. Government clown Boris Johnson said, "This...
Delivery Driver

Firms reports record customer satisfaction levels after using cocaine delivery gang to deliver parcels

Delivery firms that specialise in not delivering your parcels have reported a huge increase in customer satisfaction levels. The news comes following the companies use...
Nuclear Bomb

Only a good guy with a nuclear weapon can stop a bad guy with...

The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear weapon is a good guy with a nuclear weapon. That's according to the...
Kirkcaldy

Scotsman wakes to sobering horror that he lives in Kirkcaldy

A Scotsman has been telling people of the dawning horror that he still lives in Kirkcaldy. A reporter for The Rochdale Herald Scotland edition said,...
Royal Mail

Royal Mail agrees to launch new £6 first class Brexit stamp

The Royal Mail have announced a special stamp to commemorate Brexit today. The stamp will be a first class stamp and cost £6. The Daily...
Neuroscience

Everyone on Facebook now an expert in neuroscience

It's been revealed that millions of Britons on Facebook are now experts in neuroscience. The revelation comes just weeks after millions of people were found...
Corbyn

Corbyn announces Semitic Security Divisions to combat antisemitism

Jeremy Corbyn has found himself in a new antisemitism row. The row started following Mr Corbyn's announcement of the formation of Labour Party SS...

England celebrates patron saint of Syphilis

England is to spend the day celebrating the patron saint of Syphilis today. Branches of Wetherspoons across the land will be full of obese, gammon...

Queen celebrates being 22 in lizard years

The Queen has celebrated being 22 in lizard years today. David Attenborough was there to capture the celebrations and was able to give the...

Fears 40% of millenials may never have tedious home improvement conversations

There are fears that up to 40% of millennials may never be able to have tedious home improvement conversations. Fewer and fewer people are able...

Civil rights group shocked after Ant McPartlin sentenced to watching Britain’s Got Talent

Prisoners' rights group, Liberty, protested against the harsh treatment of Ant McPartlin in a strongly worded text to The Rochdale Herald today after the...
Assad

Assad regime toppled after receiving strongly worded letter from Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn has issued a strongly worded letter to Bashar al-Assad today. It seems it's had some effect as the regime has been toppled. Jamal...

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