Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Dignity

Bin man feared dead after ship called Dignity found wrecked off west coast

Fears are growing this evening for a Glasgow bin man whose boat has been found wrecked off the west coast of Scotland. The man, a worker for Glasgow council for twenty years, known to his...
Riot

Three dead on final day of Poundworld closing down sale

Questions are being raised following the trampling of three shoppers in riots on the final day of opening of Poundworld at Sheffield Heeley Retail Park. As feral locals stripped the shelves of tacky plastic goods...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn urges Labour MP’s to get behind Theresa May or risk making him...

Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit otherwise he risks becoming Prime Minister. One MP told us, "Jeremy...
England Fans

SHOCK as England fans vote 52 to 48 to LEAVE the World Cup

There is widespread shock around England today after the English voting public voted 52% to 48% for the England football team to leave the World Cup despite making it into the semi-finals. Following the vote...
Michael Gove

Plan to put Michael Gove in Wicker Man on Saddleworth Moor receives cross party...

It's been revealed that a plan to put Michael Gove in a Wicker man on Saddleworth Moor has gained cross party approval and could go ahead as early as this week. The plan will see...
England fans

Mixed feelings for Tommy Robinson supporters as bloke called Ali puts England into semi...

Ruddy faced racists up and down the country are said to have mixed feelings about England getting through to the World Cup Semi Finals for the first time in 28 years after a bloke...

Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told

Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes the day before England face off against Sweden in the...

Vatican declares official miracle after England win on penalties

The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first since Harry "18 bites" Short scored the winning penalty against...

Melania Trump faces criticism for wearing “Exterminate” t-shirt to Holocaust Memorial

Melania Trump is faces yet more criticism today after wearing a Dalek’s t-shirt during a visit to the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin.

Saudi woman celebrates being able to drive to friends stoning

A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she's looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman for adultery for the first time next week. Fatima Hummus told...
Mike Pence

Jesus definitely said ‘Suffer the little children to come unto me, so I can...

The US Vice President, Mike Pence, has told reporters that the Trump administration's policy of keeping child migrants in cages is definitely consistent with the teachings of Jesus Christ.  Speaking at a press conference late last...
Rees Mogg

Universal Credit cheaper way to kill the poor than building gas chambers, says Jacob...

Jacob Rees-Mogg has astounded many people by stating that the Universal Credit fiasco is the cheapest way the Government has come up with to kill off the poor and unemployed. Government spokesman, Cliff Edge said,...

Walkers still putting cheese and onion crisps in wrong coloured bag

Walkers crisps have been told that they're putting cheese and onion crisps in the wrong colored bag despite everyone knowing that they don't go in the blue one. Crisp aficionado Stan Still said, "Why do...
Tommy Robinson

Muslims should respect our laws, says racist in prison for breaking our laws

Today crowds of nearly a few dozen have gathered outside Downing Street armed with Placards stating "free are Tommy" and two Netto bags full of premium strength lager. They are protesting the imprisonment of Luton...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson wins coveted softest mouth in Hull prison award

Tommy Robinson has been voted HMP Hull's softest mouth award. Mr Robinson will be awarded the prize in a ceremony to be held on the roof of the prison. One insider told us, "Tommy is already...
Ed Sheeran

Night out at Ed Sheeran gig ruined by Ed Sheeran music

A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from Rochdale were on their bi-annual night out on Thursday when...

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