Tuesday, November 20, 2018
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes to appeal to middle aged white men

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's "The Stig." The aim of the trial is to make both...
Letterbox

Boris Johnson looks like a c*nt, say letterboxes

Letterboxes around the UK have stood by their remarks about the Boris Johnson after the Post Office chairman asked them to apologise. There is broad cross party support for letterboxes who have been criticised by...
Boris Johnson

Women in Burkhas look ridiculous, says man who looks like an overweight mop

Boris Johnson has once again found himself under fire due to comments he made likening women who wear Burqas and Niqabs in appearance to a letterbox. The comments have been met with disapproval across the...
Nazi Uniforms

Nazi slammed for organising Conservative Party themed stag do

A member of the Nazi Party at the centre of a controversy over a Conservative Party-themed stag do, is to step down as Obergruppenfuhrer of his local brown shorts SS division. Herr Himmler was forced...
Free Tommy Robinson

‘Off to free Tommy Robinson’ replaces ‘dropping kids off at the pool’ as UK’s...

News is just in that spot poll of everybody in the UK has revealed today that the UK's favourite synonym for taking a dump is now "off to free Tommy Robinson." According to experts at...
Dignity

Bin man feared dead after ship called Dignity found wrecked off west coast

Fears are growing this evening for a Glasgow bin man whose boat has been found wrecked off the west coast of Scotland. The man, a worker for Glasgow council for twenty years, known to his...
Riot

Three dead on final day of Poundworld closing down sale

Questions are being raised following the trampling of three shoppers in riots on the final day of opening of Poundworld at Sheffield Heeley Retail Park. As feral locals stripped the shelves of tacky plastic goods...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn urges Labour MP’s to get behind Theresa May or risk making him...

Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit otherwise he risks becoming Prime Minister. One MP told us, "Jeremy...
England Fans

SHOCK as England fans vote 52 to 48 to LEAVE the World Cup

There is widespread shock around England today after the English voting public voted 52% to 48% for the England football team to leave the World Cup despite making it into the semi-finals. Following the vote...
Michael Gove

Plan to put Michael Gove in Wicker Man on Saddleworth Moor receives cross party...

It's been revealed that a plan to put Michael Gove in a Wicker man on Saddleworth Moor has gained cross party approval and could go ahead as early as this week. The plan will see...
England fans

Mixed feelings for Tommy Robinson supporters as bloke called Ali puts England into semi...

Ruddy faced racists up and down the country are said to have mixed feelings about England getting through to the World Cup Semi Finals for the first time in 28 years after a bloke...

Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told

Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes the day before England face off against Sweden in the...

Vatican declares official miracle after England win on penalties

The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first since Harry "18 bites" Short scored the winning penalty against...

Melania Trump faces criticism for wearing “Exterminate” t-shirt to Holocaust Memorial

Melania Trump is faces yet more criticism today after wearing a Dalek’s t-shirt during a visit to the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin.

Saudi woman celebrates being able to drive to friends stoning

A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she's looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman for adultery for the first time next week. Fatima Hummus told...
Mike Pence

Jesus definitely said ‘Suffer the little children to come unto me, so I can...

The US Vice President, Mike Pence, has told reporters that the Trump administration's policy of keeping child migrants in cages is definitely consistent with the teachings of Jesus Christ.  Speaking at a press conference late last...

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