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James Palmer

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Gavin Williamson declares war on schools

Former Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson has declared war on schools mere hours after being appointed Education Secretary. His secret plan, which he immediately leaked, is...

Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app

Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in...

Chuka Umunna banned from Coventry Laser Quest for crashing children’s parties

MP for Streatham, Chuka Umunna, has been forcibly removed from a branch of Laser Quest in Coventry for reportedly trying to join numerous children's...

Rees-Mogg admits he took snuff at Debutante Ball

Prominent Conservative backbencher, Jacob Rees-Mogg has admitted to partaking in the eighteenth century pastime of inhaling ground tobacco, otherwise known as snuff. The admission came...
Pork Scratchings

Relief as far-right mob turns out to be burst bag of pork scratchings

Police have attended an incident in Rochdale today after numerous concerned calls reported a far-right mob assembled in the town centre. Attending officers would like...
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes to appeal to middle aged white men

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's...
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes to appeal to middle aged white men

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's...
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes, to appeal to middle aged white men

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's...

Brexit Britain won’t be like Mad Max. Mad Max can afford a car

Independent research carried out by a team of so-called "experts" has backed up a comment made by the Brexit Secretary today. David "What Am I...
Children Running

Teaching children to Zig Zag best way to avoid school shooting fatalities, say NRA

In the wake of yet another mass school shooting in the USA the National Rifle Association have suggested that the tragedy could have been...
Meghan and Harry

Aggressive beggars to marry in Windsor Castle in May

People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy,...

Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS

Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional. His father, Robert...

White nationalists boycott Black Friday claiming all Fridays matter

A number of white nationalist groups have joined together in a boycott against the post-Thanksgiving consumer event known as Black Friday. Black Friday has been...

Hammond to tour UK comedy circuit with budget routine

After recently testing his new material in Parliament, Chancellor Philip Hammond has decided to take his own brand of political comedy "on the road." His...
Sorry Trump

Trump condemns dead soldier for not standing during national anthem

President Donald Trump has rebuked allegations of inappropriate comments made by the grieving widow of a US soldier today by pointing out her husband...
Bradley Walsh

Bradley Walsh cast on Doctor Who to tackle underrepresentation of middle aged white men

Popular presenter of ITV’s The Chase, Bradley Walsh, has been announced today as a new companion in long running BBC sci-fi show, Doctor Who. The...

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