Chris Rea has been forced to abandon plans to drive home for Christmas after it was announced that Middlesbrough has entered Tier 3 Covid restrictions.

A disappointed Mr Rea will be spending December in the car park of Newport Pagnell services after losing his Berkshire estate gambling on stock car racing and underground puppy fights.

“I’ve been living in my car now for about 3 months. I’ve been happy on the road all summer long. September was a bit blue and Christmas in the car is going to be a bit chilly, Newport Pagnell is a bit of a windy town.”

“I’ve been dying to get back to the Boro for months and Christmas without me mam’s Turkey parmos is going to be a bit of a wrench to be honest with you.”

Management at Newport Pagnell have taken pity on the former icecream shop manager and have offered him shifts clearing tables in the coffee shop and use of the staff showers.

“It was heartbreaking to see Chris trying to sleep in a 1955 Lotus 6. Really he’s sleeping on it because strictly speaking it doesn’t have a roof. We’re hoping to help him raise a bit of money so that he can get a room at the Days Inn on Christmas Eve.”

“He’d been busking on the bridge and trying to sell CD’s before we stepped in and gave him a mop and a couple of shifts.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.