Scores of New Year’s Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones.
Over a hundred thousand people stood next to each other with their devices held aloft to celebrate the coming of a new decade.
“It’s much more important to record the event and upload it to Facebook than actually live in the present moment and enjoy the occasion,” screamed one reveller.
“Why stay at home with loved-ones and watch the pyrotechnics in HD on a massive screen when I could punch my way through rabid drunks, blow out my ear drums and view the whole thing on a tiny screen held up in front of my stupid glowing face?
“I don’t need to experience anything directly with my own five senses anymore. Once-in-a-lifetime music concerts, weddings, my son’s birth, cycling holidays – I’ve only ever seen them through my phone.
“I might as well be a bodiless brain suspended in jelly plugged into a virtual reality machine reporting events on social media that never actually took place.
“Although that would be a rather pointless waste of a life,” she conceded.