Middle-East

• Mullets are illegal in Iran • In 2007, Iran arrested 14 squirrels for spying • 70% of Iran’s science and engineering students are not men, but women • Most of the Islamic world mourned and condemned the 9-11 attacks, including Turkey half-masting all flags and Iran holding candlelight vigils • As a man, you can be arrested in Iran for wearing shorts • Iran tried to get into the Guinness book of Records in 2008 by making the world’s largest sandwich, but people started eating it before it could be officially measured so they failed •

Missiles flying into sky

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.  This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft.General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts.A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...

Trump disappointed Agrabah is nothing like it is in the movie

The POTUS sent a series of Tweets earlier about his visit to Saudi Arabia, after securing a $110 billion arms deal.The leader of the notoriously extreme kleptocracy, famous for human rights violations, sat down with King...
Erdogan

Turkish referendum definitely not rigged, says head of the Turkish Electoral Commission Recep Erdogan

The Head of the Turkish Electoral Commission has put to rest rumours of vote rigging in Sunday's referendum to give almost unlimited powers to Recep Erdogan."The referendum was definitely not rigged." Mr Recep Erdogan,...
face palm

Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy

The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in a democratic referendum to abolish democracy. The astonishing result (51%...

Turkish voters refuse to believe Erdogan a dictator till they see it written on...

Turkish voters across the country are still refusing to believe that Erdogan is an autocratic dictator despite the fact that he's locked up all the opposition journalists."We need to see it on a big...

Chemical Attack was fake news says Asshat

Bashir Assad has denied an attack on Khan Sheikhoun ever took place.“The attack was a fiction of the Western press,” said the Syrian leader who previously said by proxy that it was an attack...

Gassing orphans is wrong says woman who prefers to starve them

Theresa May's regime has roundly condemned the Assad Regime's actions in Syria by saying it was wrong to use Sarin Gas on orphaned children."It was just wrong to use Sarin Gas to kill orphaned...

The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus.“We’ve been happily...

Terrorists rejoice at lower energy bills as Jihadis unplug TVs

Terrorists worldwide are saving money on their energy bills as millions of Jihadis unplug their Samsung smart TVs from mains sockets.The move comes after revelations that the CIA and GCHQ have hacked into the...

Spirit of 2016 alive and well after gunman dressed as Santa kills dozens in...

2017 is already showing great promise as a dreadful, awful parody of a year following a shootout between police officers possibly disguised as Santa Claus and a gunman disguised as Santa Claus in Turkey.
Toffee pennies

Campaign to send 58 million toffee pennies to Syria

Overseas aid charity, Feed the World, has launched a campaign to collect everyone's unwanted Christmas 'treats' and send them to Syria and other war-torn countries."Coffee creams, orange ones and them God awful strawberry ones,...

ISIS Propose Christmas Cease-Fire Kickabout

ISIS troops fighting around the city of Palmyra have suggested that hostilities be put aside for a few hours at Christmas for an informal game of football with opposing ground forces.

Boris meant Saudis are awesome says Defence Secretary Michael Fallon

Boris Johnson’s words on Saudi Arabia and other Middle East powers were misreported, according to a clearly desperate Defence Secretary Sir Mr Michael of Fallon.

Boris Johnson backtracks after accidentally telling truth about Saudi Arabia

After Boris Johnson was recorded last week saying that countries such as Iran and Saudi Arabia often fight proxy wars in the Middle East over who’s the most pious and loving of a magic...

ISIS withdraw from Iraq after Blair’s return to politics announcement

Tony Blair yesterday announced that he intended to fill a massive hole and that after that he'd return to British politics.In an interview he described Theresa May as "that fucking usless woman" and Jeremy...

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