A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she’s looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman for adultery for the first time next week.

Fatima Hummus told us, “In the past I’ve had to be driven around by a male relative. It’s really inconvenient so I’ll be happy when the law changes next week.”

Fatima told us she was going to be attending the execution of a childhood friend next Friday. Fatima’s friend was sentenced to death by stoning several weeks ago after it was found she had been found in a shopping centre with somebody she was barely related to.

Fatima said, “Normally I have to wait around. They do the stoning after Friday prayers and my brother is a friend of the Imam so usually he likes to stop and chat for a bit afterwards. They start the killing around 12. Sometimes we’re late and can’t get a place at the front near the peanut sellers. The stoning is the main event so I don’t expect that she’ll be led out until about 1 after a couple of beheadings. There’s also supposed to be 5 lashings as well.”

Fatima went on, “It’ll be handy because I can just drive myself and get there a bit faster. They have valet parking so I don’t have to worry about trying to find a space.”

The British Government have been effusive in their praise of the signs of liberalisation of the Saudi regime.

Cliff Edge said, “This is excellent news. Now female arms sales people will be able to sell them weapons so they can bomb Yemeni people. Who knows, they may even allow women to fly aircraft that bomb Yemeni women in markets. We can but hope.”

Saudi women will be allowed to drive to their own stoning’s from 24 June.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.