Monday, October 22, 2018
Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Russian Presidential election with 110% of the vote

Vladimir Putin will lead Russia for another six year terms after securing victory in the Russian "election" today. With almost all of the ballots counted he has received almost 110% of the vote, a shockingly...
Putin 2

Russian presidential candidates have families safely returned in wake of Putin’s re-election

The families of all seven Russian Presidential candidates have been returned safely after the totally unexpected landslide victory for Vladimir Putin. Today Vladimir Putin has succeeded in his third run for the presidency with 110%...
Pathologist

Not being liked by Vladimir Putin IS natural causes, confirms coroner

The UK police have admitted that perhaps they had jumped to a hasty conclusion after coroners concluded that a Russian businessman who strangled himself to death and then hanged himself actually died of natural...
Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Great Russian Bake-off after other contestants fall ill

Vladimir Putin has won the Russian version of Celebrity Great British Bake-off after all the other contestants sadly died in tragic but mysterious circumstances. Mr Putin started competing in the latest series in January this...
Boris Johnson

Britain threatens Russia with visit from Boris Johnson

There were extraordinary scenes in Parliament today as Boris Johnson spoke about the suspected poisoning of Sergei Skripal. Mr Johnson said, "If Russian involvement is suspected the Russian Government should expect a robust response from...
Putin MAGA

Putin has confirmed he will run for second term as President of United States

After his self proclaimed "success with that bloated orange puppet" Vladimir Putin has announced that he will seek to control him in a second term. If he completes the next term in full, Putin...
Farage in Russian hat

Nigel farage to accept Russian Government lifetime achievement award in person

Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) is alleged to be thrilled at being awarded the Russian Government's lifetime achievement award. Zoya Feedosev, Russian envoy to Rochdale said, "The Government wanted to recognise Mr Farage's contribution...
Putin Appraisal

Putin gives Trump “requires improvement” rating during annual appraisal meeting

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin have sought to deny allegations that President Trump has been awarded a, "requires improvement" rating during his first one year appraisal meeting. The pair met during a meeting of Asian...

Putin starts worrying that he might be a dick

Russian President Vladimir Putin has reportedly started worrying that he might actually be a bit of a dick. Sources close to Putin have revealed that the Russian leader has recently started asking whether there might...
Julian Assange

Julian Assange wins FSB employee of the month

Julian Assange has explained that he is happy to be awarded FSB's employee of the month for July award. The Russian secret service organisation said in a statement, "Wikileaks and Mr Assange have been most...
Chernobyl

Chernobyl rejects proposal to twin towns with Rochdale

The Ukrainian town of Chernobyl has rejected a proposal to twin with Rochdale, a spokesman for Rochdale council confirmed to the Herald. The town shot to fame in the mid 1980s when still located...
Missiles flying into sky

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.   This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft. General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...

Trump presidency result of Putin prank phone call

Russian President and superstar house elf, Vladimir Putin, has revealed that the whole Trump/Russia thing is a prank that went too far. "Trump come to us and say I spy for you and you win...
Putin White Denim

Putin to sing ‘This land is my land’ at Eurovision tonight

Russia today announced suprise plans to enter the Eurovision song contest tonight. The Russian entry is to be sung by Vladimir Putin and is entitled "This land is my land." The Rochdale Herald can reveal that the song...
Sergei Lavrov

Sergei Lavrov Trump’s ‘Top Choice’ for new FBI Director

Sources within the Trump administration have downplayed rumours that Russian diplomat Sergei Lavrov is in the running to become the next Director of the FBI. Lavrov, who was appointed Russia’s Foreign Minister in 2004, is...

Putin joins America in suffering from Trumpgret

Relations between the US and the Russian Federation have deteriorated since Trump became president, says Vladimir Putin. "Listen, sweetie dahling, I thought rigging the elections would be doing ourselves a favour," Mr Putin told...

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