After his self proclaimed “success with that bloated orange puppet” Vladimir Putin has announced that he will seek to control him in a second term.

If he completes the next term in full, Putin will have been the United States of America’s de-facto ruler for 8 years.

“It was hardly a secret that he would run, considering how well it’s all worked out, but the announcement came a few weeks earlier than he told us it would; we’ve not had time to draft up any tweets or defame any particular person or outlet” said a spokesman for Donald Trump.

Putin said the motivation for such a decision is a “desire to improve the lives of people living in Russia,” he continued, “by ensuring ‘that moron’ continues to do whatever I say, thus ruining the United States, both economically and socially.”

The current POTUS puppeteer and Russian President spoke briefly about the campaign toward the end of an event held via skype at the GMC automobile plant in the city of Detroit, Michigan. Putin’s comments were translated into English by state-supported Fox News.

“I am absolutely sure that Trump will be successful as my stalking horse, after all, I command the absolute support of the zealous patriotic masses; like you chumps”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.