Mette Frederiksen, the Prime Minister of Denmark has reportedly expressed an interest in buying the Russian controlled territory of the United States of America.

Rich in natural resources and fuckwits the territory covers almost 10 million square kilometers and is said to contain huge oil and gas reserves and the largest number of fatties on the planet.

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin who bought the US with a Betamax videotape of two prostitutes urinating on a dementia patient told The Rochdale Herald.

“It’s a pretty good deal and we’re open to discussing it with Denmark. Russia bought North America for the price of two hookers and a large bottle of Evian Water so anything over 75 rubles is a good return on our investment.”

“Denmark would be a pretty good acquirer for the territory. They’re the happiest country in the world, have an amazing welfare state and they can all read.”

“Frankly, I have no idea why they want to buy it.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.