Football Riot

Belgian football riot shows EU is hungry for UK exports says Liam Fox

A football riot at a Belgian football match between Anderlecht and Club Brugge demonstrates the hunger for British exports according to Liam Fox.In a statement Fox said, "So many people want to do our...
Arsene Wenger

Wenger at Wits end as he cannot figure out how to get sack from...

Arsene Wenger was left frustrated after the end of a tumultuous week. A 4–0 defeat to Liverpool was followed by a disappointing end to the summer transfer window.However, in a news conference held...
Wayne Rooney

Rooney arrested crying into bottle of 20/20 wearing Man Utd pyjamas

My night of 20/20, Man Utd pyjamas and Steradent with mysterious brunette. Everton striker Wayne Rooney has been charged with drink-driving offences in the early hours of Friday morning, Cheshire Police have confirmed.Reports of...
Christiano Ronaldo

Just £300,000 a month can feed a footballer for a whole week. Please give...

It can be harrowing, truly tragic to see, to see a young, athletic, talented man to have to survive in squalid conditions, living on less than you paid for your house.That is why we...

Token female cycling club member thrilled to have been described as attractive

A magazine feature by Cycling Weekly on the Hinckley Cycle Racing Club from Leicestershire was lambasted today after going to print with the caption ‘Token attractive woman’ on a photograph of a female club...
Police Car

Police called after black man beats the snot out of white guy live on...

Police were called to an address in Las Vegas earlier this morning after reports of a white man beaten senseless in an organised fight.In this "boxing match", Floyd Mayweather, a black man known...

World in shock after professional boxer wins boxing match against amateur boxer

The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a go at boxing before."I'm pretty shocked actually." Some bloke who...
Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney retires from International Football to spend more time with other people’s grandmas

Wayne Rooney has announced that he intends to spend more time with other peoples grandmothers after retiring from international football.Rooney explained, "I've been all over the world with England. I've eaten kebabs in far...
Referee

‘So what?’ ask arseholes in response to significant event

Football fans across the UK went out of their way this week to prove that their point-missing dim-wittedness was ‘by far the greatest stupidity the world has ever seen’, as they queued up to...

Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife confirms she now has 6 more Premier League winner’s medals than...

Dragon philanderer, Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife Stacey Giggs, spoke of her excitement today as she is finally set to be awarded half of the Giggs estate in a huge ceremony in Cardiff.There will be a...
Usain Bolt

Sports Scientists baffled as two guys faster than world’s fastest man

On Saturday, the world’s favourite sprinter, Usain Bolt ran his last 100m race of his career at the London Stadium.The 30 year old has decided to hang up his running spikes bringing to...

World in shock as man with history of taking steroids runs faster than bloke...

The World is in shock today after a bloke who has a well documented history of taking performance enhancing drugs ran a bit faster than a bloke who doesn't.
Neymar

‘I moved for new challenges’ says footballer now on three quarters of a million...

Brazilian bladder-hoofer Naymar Davis Junior today explained his reasons for his £200 million move from Europe's most technically skilled, most competitive national football league to the one-horse procession that is the French First Division....
nuclear

FA launch tactical nuclear strike at semi-final of Women’s Euro 2017

The Football Association has long been implacably opposed to the rise of the women’s game. When it first got popular, the FA acted swiftly and banned it in 1921. However, with the rise of...

Rochdale footballer in record 198p transfer

Rochdale football star, Wayne "Chopper" Gascoigne has been transferred to Accrington Stanley for a record 198p (€1.77) and a box of steak and onion crisps.The move shatters the previous record of 98p set last...
Christiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo vows to work the full six weeks to pay £13 million tax bill

Many of us were shocked when top footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo was embroiled in tax evasion, especially to such a degree.The highly-regarded player, often hailed by many as the greatest ever, has, allegedly, dodged payments...

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