Wednesday, September 26, 2018
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Kevin Crowther

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Illiterate writer of nonsense. Great at headlines but tail off during the story ;-) Available for weddings funerals and kids parties. Never lie, or do I? Married to a retired supermodel come part time donkey racer. Will work for beer and crisps.
Guantanamo Bay

G4S win contract to run Guantanamo Bay

Top US officials today confirmed that security company G4S have been granted the contract to oversee all operations in the somewhat controversial detention centre...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson arrested outside Big Brother house for live streaming name of 1st evictee

Police were called by the bigwigs at Channel 5 today to have self proclaimed journalist and all round twat Tommy Robinson removed from outside...

Man fined for forgetting to post picture on Facebook of litter he picked up...

A man has been fined for failing to take a picture of the rubbish he picked up on a beach and post it on...
Demolition

Council demolish victim’s home to erect memorial garden for dead burglar

In a surprise move today London councillors have confirmed plans to demolish the home of 78 year old Mr Osborn-Brooks and in its place...

Chinese space station crashes into Burnley causing £12-50 worth of damage

The Tiangong-1 Chinese space station that has been out of control since 2016 finally crashed down to Earth in the early hours of Monday...
Begging

Beggars fined for begging to pay begging fines

Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging. In another PR triumph for...
Car Stuck in snow

Motorist who travelled during red weather alert furious car stuck on motorway for 15...

There were ugly scenes this morning after a motorist lost his temper having been stuck on a motorway in a major tailback for 15...
KFC

Extreme weather leaves KFC with too much chicken

As 'The Beast From The East' takes a firm hold across the UK, KFC have announced that it is overrun with chicken as no...
Rochdale Primary School

Rochdale primary school issues apology after asking kids to ‘black up’ for school play

Scandal has again rocked the beautiful town of Rochdale this morning when news came to us of a local school that remarkably asked its...

After blowing 28 million pounds on Winter Olympics the UK grinds to halt after...

Peyongchang 2018 was the most successful Winter Olympics for team GB and just one day after the closing ceremony Britain has begun its annual...
MEGHAN AND PRINCE HARRY

Great start for Meghan Markle as she manages to walk around slowly and wave

The future of the British monarchy, American Meghan Markle, has successfully negotiated her first official public engagement as she absolutely nailed walking slowly and...
Banksy

No new ‘Banksys’ have appeared since Rolf Harris got banged up

Tie me kangaroo down Banksy, can you tell who it is yet? Well perhaps here at The Rochdale Herald we are nearer to being...

Morrissey spends days in bed

Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...

UKIP launch party leader toy doll (with interchangeable head)

The almost defunct and already totally irrelevant United Kingdom Independence Party, known better as UKIP, have today announced that they are to launch a...
Downing Street

May to ‘Rasta’ it up

In a leaked Downing Street memo, it is believed that Prime Minister Theresa May is to reach out to sections of society who feel...
White House

Playboy bunnies to be re-homed at The Whitehouse

After the sad passing of millionaire feminist Hugh (the Hef) Hefner the dilemma of what to do with the dozens of now ownerless and...

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