Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The Smith’s, Morrissey.
Today we have learnt that the singer, whose real name is Morris McMorris, has sadly spent his 43rd consecutive day in bed having been too weak to lift off his own duvet, not even if he heard the news that the queen might be dead.
Local sleep expert Jeremy Duncan thinks a possible lack of iron in his diet due to a deficiency of delicious meaty treats such as beefy burgers and porky sausages may be a contributing factor in the bespectacled singers bed ridden plight.
He told us “Man cannot live by bread alone, but whack some salty, fat loaded bacon and a few slices of black pudding in it and he’ll be right.
“The human body needs animal flesh to survive it’s why we have teeth and evolved to make kebabs and that’s a fact! We are now nearing the end of 2017 and to date the oldest living vegan in history is 59 and she is a right pain in the arse.”
Fans of the singer have been holding a candle lit vigil outside the stars bedsit in Salford and the floral tributes in the form of bunches of gladioli can be seen from miles away.
This is just the latest in a long line of health scares for the bicycle riding crooner after cancelling almost 2/3rds of all of his gigs in the past ten years.