Nigel Farage leaves LBC for remake of Howards’ Way; Nigels’ Way

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Nigel Farage has left LBC and got a job on a new remake of Howards' Way called, Nigels' Way. Producer Bill Board told us, "Nigel plays Nigel, a man who has experienced 2...

People that pull statues down to face different level of justice to people that...

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The Government has confirmed that the people that pulled a statue down over the weekend will face a different level of justice to those that build flammable flats. A spokesman said, "It's important...

Country that burns effigies of a Catholic annually upset by statue damage

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A country that in the year of our Lord 2020 still thinks burning Catholics is a family friendly November evening out, is upset by damage to a statue.  The country, which is...

Statue of Bristol slave trading Tory MP ‘tripped and fell’ insist police

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In Bristol, England, police attended a protest against police brutality, during which a more than 100 year old man who posed no threat to them was allegedly pushed so hard that he...

Thousands come together for eye testing

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Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us, "It's great to see so many people out...

Black people in England 8.2 times more likely to accidentally run into police truncheons...

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Priti Patel today confirmed that the Black Lives Matter movement is a protest about American racism that has nothing to do with England.  The Home Secretary has claimed that racism in England's...

Racism cured after white people put black face on their social media accounts

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We are pleased to report that racial prejudice worldwide has been solved by white people blacking up their social media accounts.  From your mum's friend Karen on Facebook to Fitness_Fanatic22 on Instagram,...
Ant and Dec

Ant and Dec to host Coronavirus Daily Update

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Following the news that The Daily Coronavirus Update is losing viewers faster than America is running out of MolotovCocktails, BBC producers have paid an undisclosed sum to prise away Ant and Dec from...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan leads star studded sing along to F**k Tha Police

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Piers Morgan shared a video on Tuesday night showing him and other self-quarantined celebrities singing NWA's "Fuck Tha Police" "Hi guys.  Day who knows what in self-quarantine.  Barely know who I am any...

Footage of Michael Gove going for a drive emerges

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Michael Gove has denied that footage of someone driving blind folded is actually him this afternoon. The footage appears to show Mr Gove in traffic on the M25 attempting to drive whilst blindfolded....

David Blunkett confirms he’s still blind following driving test

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively confirm that David Blunkett is still blind. Mr Blunkett confirmed the findings of his most recent eye sight test earlier today. A spokesman told us, "Earlier today Mr...

Cummings reveals he was attending Durham Pizza Express

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Dominic Cummings has dramatically revealed that he was visiting Durham's Pizza Express on the advice of Prince Andrew. In a televised interview Cummings said, "I remember the trip very...

Dominic Cummings appears on TV to tell plebs to f*** off in person

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Dominic Cummings has appeared on the BBC to tell everyone to f*** off and leave him alone. Speaking to Secretary of the Boris Booster Club, Laura Kuenssberg, Cummings said, "It's been a ridiculous...

Travelling 250 miles to avoid taking care of child unsurprisingly fine with Boris Johnson

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The role of senior Downing Street Adviser Dominic Cummings was called into question after news emerged that he had seen fit to visit the north east not once, but twice.  This amount...

Government pressed on exit strategy for NHS clapping

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Labour leader Keir Starmer has urged the Government to publish its exit strategy this week, as he warns that the "silent pressures on families and communities across the country cannot be underestimated". In...

Vegetable that looks like Prince Charles discovered on Rochdale allotment

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A Rochdale man has spoken to us about vegetable he has found that looks remarkably like Prince Charles.  Bill Board told us, "It was last Saturday that I found it. I saw it...

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