National News

In a Rochdale Herald exclusive Prince Andrew tells us how the secret wedding of his daughter Beatrice went last week. 7am - Woken up by Maude, my maid carrying my breakfast in. She puts it...

Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G. Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, " Recent research suggests that people wearing masks don't...

Chris Grayling has announced that the Royal Air Force will be disbanded and its responsibilities outsourced to the Russian Air Force. Speaking from Ivan the Terrible Air Force Base in Lincolnshire Grayling said, "The Royal...

A Rochdale man that has just spent a month telling anyone within earshot or on the internet that all lives matter has said he's furious that Boris Johnson has announced that 3 million Hong...

A group of arsonists have spoken of their shock at discovering that a building they've spent a decade carefully trying to set fire to is now burning and may get out of control. One of...

A man has told the Rochdale Herald that he's protecting the statue of Winston Churchill in Whitehall because, "You'd be speaking German if it wasn't for Churchill", before giving a Nazi salute. Retired football...

Nigel Farage has left LBC and got a job on a new remake of Howards' Way called, Nigels' Way. Producer Bill Board told us, "Nigel plays Nigel, a man who has experienced 2 redundancies in...

The Government has confirmed that the people that pulled a statue down over the weekend will face a different level of justice to those that build flammable flats. A spokesman said, "It's important that we...

A country that in the year of our Lord 2020 still thinks burning Catholics is a family friendly November evening out, is upset by damage to a statue.  The country, which is approximately 9.6%...

In Bristol, England, police attended a protest against police brutality, during which a more than 100 year old man who posed no threat to them was allegedly pushed so hard that he fell into...

Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us, "It's great to see so many people out testing their...

Priti Patel today confirmed that the Black Lives Matter movement is a protest about American racism that has nothing to do with England.  The Home Secretary has claimed that racism in England's former colonies...

We are pleased to report that racial prejudice worldwide has been solved by white people blacking up their social media accounts.  From your mum's friend Karen on Facebook to Fitness_Fanatic22 on Instagram, attention seekers...

Following the news that The Daily Coronavirus Update is losing viewers faster than America is running out of MolotovCocktails, BBC producers have paid an undisclosed sum to prise away Ant and Dec from ITV to...

Piers Morgan shared a video on Tuesday night showing him and other self-quarantined celebrities singing NWA's "Fuck Tha Police" "Hi guys.  Day who knows what in self-quarantine.  Barely know who I am any more.  My...

Michael Gove has denied that footage of someone driving blind folded is actually him this afternoon. The footage appears to show Mr Gove in traffic on the M25 attempting to drive whilst blindfolded. Gove allegedly...