National News

Albion; pleasant, fair and green In the year of our Lord, 2020 Dragons were few and seldom seen, Yet poor folk were a plenty   Though dragons were vanquished many years prior The...

Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform Iain Duncan Smith's Knighting ceremony. A Palace spokesman said,...

Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of people from a wide range of areas across...

There are rumours circulating today that Prince Philip will get a central role in a new series of, The Walking Dead. The show depicts characters trying to stay alive following a zombie apocalypse....

Santa is to be denied entry to the UK under the new points based immigration system. A Home Office spokesman told us, "The system rewards people with skills that are needed in...

The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas.  A Palace source told us, "It was going cheap because of some recall or something. The Queen loves a bargain so...

A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin of gold spray paint round the back of the shed,...

The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections. A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other countries meddling in the UK elections. How can...

There were awkward scenes for Prince Andrew today at a nativity in Sandringham when a virgin was told she will  have a baby. The Prince was there representing the Queen. Many of the...

Donald Trump has flounced off from a NATO summit after Justin Trudeau appeared to mock his appearance by appearing in 'orange face'. The incident took place this afternoon when Prime Minister Trudeau addressed...

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour has concluded that they were more likely to get their...

Buckingham Palace has refused to confirm rumors that the Queen will greet Donald Trump with a narwhal tusk during his visit to the UK this week. A Palace insider told us, "You'd think...

The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside Battersea Bridge yesterday afternoon. One Government source told...

A Rochdale Momentum member has told us that claims of anti-Semetism made by Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mervis are proof that there is a media conspiracy against the Labour Party. "In no way is...

The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research and have concluded that the leading cause of...

The Tory Party has pledged that every doorway in Britain will get a free homeless person by 2021. A spokesman told us, "The Tory Party will not rest until there is a homeless...