Friday, June 22, 2018

Praying for Grenfell survivors definitely the least you can do, say experts

Praying for the survivors and victims of the Grenfell Tower fire is definitely the least you can do experts have claimed. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College said, "We've analysed a range of things...
Brexit Bus

4,600 redundancies at Rolls Royce was on the other bus, insist Brexiteers

Brexiteers have been quick to point out that 4,600 people being made redundant at Rolls Royce was on a different bus to the one that they saw. Cliff Edge said, "You can't say that company...

Fireman Sam denies having ever met Norman Price

Pontypandy fireman, Fireman Sam has again denied having ever met Norman Price on more than 3 occasions. The denial comes amidst growing calls for the Welsh Police Service to investigate corruption in the town. Allegations...

Roller coaster that maimed young people perfect metaphor for Brexit says The Sun

The Sun "Newspaper" has chosen to symbolise Brexit using a picture of the Alton Towers roller coaster, The Smiler. One reader commented, "It's strange that they've chosen that really. It's like they're telling us that...

Daily Express unveils new corporate logo

The Daily Express as revealed a new corporate logo today that it says is more in keeping with how it and its readers view its brand. The Express hired a Moscow based marketing firm...

“We’ll make a success of Brexit”, says country where businesses can’t sell things for...

Britain has said that it's perfectly equipped to make a success of Brexit even though shops that sell things for a pound are closing. Business analyst, Twyford Shrub said, "The fall in the pound and...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson’s Hair and Trump’s Hair to have Puppies

In a stunning announcement today it was revealed, that Boris Johnson's hair impregnated Donald Trump's hair a few months ago. Boris Johnson revealed this morning that his hair mated, with the President of the United...
Hull

Ruins of city unearthed by earthquake “just Hull” archaeologists told

Excitement in the archaeological world this weekend turned to bitter disappointment after archaeologists discovered the ruins of a primitive civilisation on the Yorkshire cost after yesterday's earthquake. Whilst scanning for random bits of crap...

Man singing “Free Tommy Robinson” thought he was entering competition to meet him

A man who spent yesterday in London singing "Free Tommy Robinson" has said he thought he was entering a competition to meet him. Dave Wild told us, "I wasn't aware it was a protest. My...
Grimsby

Earthquake rescue workers assured Grimsby is fine, it’s supposed to look like that

Earthquake rescue teams from around the globe were told to stand down today after they descended en masse on Grimsby in Lincolnshire following reports of a massive humanitarian disaster. Search and Rescue teams from the...

Meghan Markle proves she’s mastered waving

Meghan Markle revealed that she's perfected the art of waving to thousands of people. The Duchess of Sussex was appearing at the Trooping of the colour to mark the Queen's birthday. The Rochdale Herald's waving expert,...
David Davis

New Heathrow runway will make getting to France easier say Brexiteers

The new runway at Heathrow airport will be completed just in time for leading Brexiteer's to use it to leave the country for villa's in France and Germany leading Brexiteer's have revealed.  One official said,...

We mess with clothes sizing to mess with your heads shops tell women

Leading women's clothing shop owners have said they stock clothes with inconsistent sizing to mess with women's heads. One leading shop owner said, "We deliberately make our clothes quite large. So a size 10 here...
Theresa May

Government vows to tackle crime now wealthy are affected

The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it's affecting wealthy people in London.  A Spokesman for Theresa May said, "When the Government said that we're in it together they envisaged a...

Chaos at Speakers’ Corner after steaming pile of dog excrement is mistaken for Tommy...

There were scenes of chaos at Speakers' Corner earlier today after a steaming pile of dog shit was apparently mistaken for EDL-founder Tommy Robinson.  It is understood that the moldering heap of crap, which is said to bear an uncanny resemblance to the convicted fraudster, was spotted by one of...
Tommy Robinson

Muslims should respect our laws, says racist in prison for breaking our laws

Today crowds of nearly a few dozen have gathered outside Downing Street armed with Placards stating "free are Tommy" and two Netto bags full of premium strength lager. They are protesting the imprisonment of Luton...

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