Tories to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals

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The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research and have concluded that the leading cause of...
Homeless

Every doorway to get free homeless person, pledge Conservatives

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The Tory Party has pledged that every doorway in Britain will get a free homeless person by 2021. A spokesman told us, "The Tory Party will not rest until there is a homeless...

Tory Party pledges to attack pot holes now it has defeated the disabled

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The Tory Party has declared victory in its war against the disabled and announced it will re-deploy its resources in a war on pot holes. A spokesman said, "Our victory is accomplished. We...
Potholes

Potholes are going to be our next victims, confirms government

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A source within the Conservative Party has confirmed today that they plan to murder all of the potholes in the country should they win the next general election. Unveiling a groundbreaking policy to...

Tube passenger that hurled anti-Semitic abuse says, I was reading the Labour Party manifesto

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A man arrested for what police have described as a "horrific anti-Semitic attack" on the London Underground on Friday has said he was just reading the Labour Party manifesto to some children. Counsel...

Next leaders debate to be chaired by Jeremy Kyle and feature Boris Johnson paternity...

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The next General Election leaders debate will feature a new format hosted by Jeremy Kyle. There will also be a paternity test at the end. Television producers are hoping that it will...

Prince Andrew to release sex tape

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Prince Andrew will release a sex tape in the cuming weeks in an effort to put to bed any rumours about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein.  The move comes after the interview he...

It was straightforward shooting not sex, says Prince Andrew

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Young girls were released into the Sandringham Estate and shot at as part of Ghislaine Maxwell's birthday celebrations, Prince Andrew has revealed. The Duke of Pork has denied having sex with the underage girls, however,...
Arron Banks

Arron Banks demands police enforcement of EU data privacy laws

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Arron Banks has taken a day off from calling for Britain to leave the EU so it can be free from the interference of EU laws to demand the police enforce EU...

Prince Andrew says, I was at Pizza Express checking out Beatrice’s fit friend

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Prince Andrew has today sought to clarify comments he made about attending Pizza Express in Woking 19 years ago. A spokesman for Prince Andrew said, "Many people have said that it is strange...

Buckingham Palace announces Prince Andrew to tour Paris road tunnels

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Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Andrew will go on a state visit of Parisian road tunnels later this week. In a statement a spokesman said, "It seems like short notice but this...
The Queen

Queen denies ever having met Prince Andrew

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Buckingham Palace has released a statement from the Queen denying that she has ever met Prince Andrew. In the statement the Queen said, "I've never heard of this man, he's never been in...

Prince Andrew says he has no recollection of meeting Emily Maitlis or appearing on...

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Prince Andrew has denied allegations that he met Emily Maitlis or even appeared on the TV show, Newsnight. Despite over 1 million people having seen him do so. Recently appointed PR spokesman for...
Jeremy Corbyn

Commie Corbyn pledges to nationalise your teeth

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Bearded Trotskyite do-gooder, Jeremy Corbyn has taken a break from sending care packages full of homemade jam to terrorists, to nationalise absolutely everything. Clueless commie Corbyn, in a bid to secure the votes of millions...

Doncaster couple finally getting some use out of speed boat they won on Bullseye...

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Doncaster residents Bill and Orla Board have been telling the Rochdale Herald how they have finally found a use for the speed boat they won on Bullseye 30 years ago. Bill told us,...
Corbyn

Corbyn to sell your cat to pay for a statue of Lenin, confirms BBC

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The BBC has confirmed that should Jeremy Corbyn win the General Election he intends to sell peoples cats to fund a statue of Lenin. The report is confidential but has been seen by...

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