Sunday, December 16, 2018

London celebrates first “Gammon Pride” event

Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will see gammons from all over the country converge on London...
Alan Rickman

There’s nothing more Christmassy than seeing German Terrorist fall out of window, confirm men

Men around the world have confirmed that it's not Christmas until they have seen either a German terrorist or a half naked prostitute fall from the window of a sksyscraper. "It's a close run thing...

Santa Claus Denied Visa to Enter UK

The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide to settle and bring his entire family. Father Christmas, real name...

Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle should settle rift with bikini jelly wrestling demand Daily...

Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling. Express reader, Ian Blind told us, "The people have spoken. It's our will...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson hired to advise UKIP members on starting grooming gangs.

UKIP members are cock-a-hoop at the news that leader Gerald Batman has engaged the services of Tommy Robinson to advise on grooming gangs. "This is fantastic news" said UKIP voter Cornelius Hardthrasher. "Our quest to...
Rees Mogg

Man with six kids reckons he knows more about withdrawal method than some woman

The latest Etonian voice of the people, Jacob Rees-Mogg, is convinced that his Catholicism gives him the the edge on some woman Jacob Rees-Mogg, who has three times as many children as surnames, has positioned...
William and Kate

Prince William criticises social media firms about fake news to cover up numerous affairs...

Prince William has appeared at the BBC and spoken out against the inaction of social media firms. He said in a statement statement that they aren't doing enough to counteract fake news. It's alleged...
theresa nay laughing

Theresa May expected to announce late entrance to this years ‘I’m a Celebrity Get...

Prime Minster, and Britain's foremost pterodactyl impersonator, Theresa May is rumoured to be announcing that she will be a last minute entrant to this years 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. May, who...
Brexit Bus

Key Brexit aim amended from ‘extra 350m a week to spend’ to ‘not many...

The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations. "It's become clear that writing something on the side of a bus is no guarantee of achieving it, as we had...

Dominic Raaaaab resigns to commit more time to GCSE resit

Dominic Raab has announced he's resigning to spend more time with his Geography GCSE revision. Mr Raaab announced his resignation earlier today saying, "I've spent 5 months trying to negotiate Brexit and all I've...
Princess Diana

Princess Diana’s ghost tells Express readers Brexit deal is a total car crash

Princess Diana's ghost has told Daily Express readers that Theresa May's Brexit deal is a complete car crash. Speaking to the Express Diana's ghost said, "I see that there has been a Brexit announcement. The...

Brexit Secretary resignation is ‘ferry nuff’ and we’ll get ‘Dover’ it, says PM

Brexit secretary Dominic Raab, who had one job, to achieve an appropriate agreement to leave the EU, has resigned from the government Announcing his departure on Twitter, because of course he did, because we are...
Votey McVoteface

Esther McVey resigns to spend more time with other people’s families

Esther McVey, a former television presenter and now a falling star in Westminster, relishes her career - but admits to no regrets in her personal life Esther McVey is used to gossip. When she was...
Dartboard

Brexit decided by a swift round of ‘Bullseye’

It was revealed today that the Brexit deal was decided by the British government and the EC leaders taking part in an episode of popular 1980s game show 'Bullseye'. The British pair, Dominic Raab and...
Satire Aid

The Big Fat Secret Santa – Satire Aid 2018

You may remember that last year we partnered with some other brilliant satirists to run a Secret Santa for underprivileged children. Well it really, really took off and created a life of its own. The...
Satire Aid

The Big Fat Secret Santa – Satire Aid 2018

You may remember that last year we partnered with some other brilliant satirists to run a Secret Santa for underprivileged children. Well it really, really took off and created a life of its own. The...

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