A drunk driver that crashed his car into a tree on Saturday night has told us the tree caused the accident.

A police spokesman said, “We were called to a report of a man having crashed into a tree on Saturday night. When we got there he was attempting to open a bag of crisps and singing Coldplay songs. We could smell alcohol on him so we breathalysed him. He was 4 times over the legal limit so he was arrested.”

Eye witness, Stan Still said, “I’d seen him in the pub an hour before hand knocking pints back like it was going out of fashion. I left before he did. I’m surprised he was able to get the key in the ignition to be honest.”

The police spokesman confirmed that they had obtained footage of the man driving towards the tree with his head hung out of the window. The man is said to have been yelling “2 world wars and 1 world cup” at the tree.”

The mans solicitor told us, “My client is not guilty of causing the accident. That tree shouldn’t have been there. It should also be noted that everyone that has ever advised my client to not crash into a tree whilst drunk is at fault for not advising him strongly enough. He’ll be seeking compensation.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.