Rochdale couple speak of leaving embarassing ‘Jacob Rees-Mogg’ phase

Two grandparents from Rochdale have spoken about emerging from the embarrassing 'Jacob Reees-Mogg' phase of their life. Orla Board told us, "We'll look back at this and laugh about it. It's a bit like flared...
theresa nay laughing

Theresa May to communicate Brexit deal using dance

Theresa May will communicate the UK's Brexit plan to the House of Commons later today using the medium of dance. One insider told us, "The Prime Minister has decided that her dancing has been such...

Only 6 sleeps until poppy day, fascist children told

The children of Fascists have been conveying their excitement at there only being 6 more sleeps until poppy day. 7 year old Bill Board said, "Poppy day is my favourite day of the year. I...

Local patriot spends £25,000 turning his head into a giant POPPY

With Remembrance Sunday just under two weeks away, a Rochdale man has made what he regards as the ultimate sacrifice in honour of our troops - by having his head turned into a giant POPPY.  Darren Fudd, 42, paid over £25,000 for the transformation, which took...
Cyclist

Man attends Halloween party dressed as cyclist

A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan Still's Halloween party on Saturday night dressed in a cycling...

Embarrassment as all members of EDL Halloween party dressed as spooky ghosts

The Rochdale branch of the English Defence League face fresh controversy this week after an embarrassing mishap at the annual members Halloween party. "We've had some bad press recently and the annual Halloween fancy dress...

Man buys Polaroid Camera takes 40 pictures of his genitals and hands them to...

A Burnley man has been explaining why he bought a Polaroid Camera over the weekend, used it to take 40 pictures of his own genitals and then handed them out to strangers on the...
Massive Spider

Gigantic spider pokes two holes in upholstery of sofa according to four year old...

Lancashire Police have urged the public to be vigilant today after a reputed sighting of a gigantic spider who breaks into homes to poke holes in sofa upholstery. Detectives are working with the RSPCA to...
Woman and Cat

My cats are like my children, says woman whose cat raped stranger in bush...

A woman whose cats regularly rape strangers in bushes on nights out has insisted that her cats are like her children. Part time hairdresser Barbara Dickinson, 42 and a bit, insists that there is literally...
Alpha Male

Man who refers to himself as an ‘alpha-male’ actually just a dickhead

A man from Rochdale who refers to himself as an 'alpha-male' is in fact just a bit of a dickead sources have revealed. The news follows reports of a man in Rochdale who refers to...
bbq

Twat ruins barbecue with guitar

Reports are coming in that a twat has ruined a perfectly serviceable barbecue after finding an old guitar next to a sofa in the back room. The incident occurred at around 4pm local time as...
theresa nay laughing

Only two Prime Ministers until Christmas

It may only be July but there are only two Prime Ministers until Christmas. That's according to the British Christmas Monitoring League. The warning comes as many Britons are still enjoying long evening, warm temperatures...

Child believes summers are warm and England are good at football

Worrying news reaches us from a Rochdale suburb of a child who has not yet learned the truth There are certain core truths you learn early in life.  English summers are greyer than England football...
Michael Gove

Plan to put Michael Gove in Wicker Man on Saddleworth Moor receives cross party...

It's been revealed that a plan to put Michael Gove in a Wicker man on Saddleworth Moor has gained cross party approval and could go ahead as early as this week. The plan will see...
sperm bank

Man who failed GCSE science now an expert in Novichok

A Rochdale man who failed GCSE science has revealed that he is now an expert in Novichok. Bill Board revealed his previously hidden talents in Chemistry last night over a few pints in the...

Government responds to Saddleworth Moor crisis by pledging further cuts to Fire Fighting services

Greater Manchester Fire & Rescue Service were today boosted in their thankless quest to control the ongoing fires sweeping Saddleworth Moor by the news that they are to receive less funding to aid them. With...

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