Man thrown out of vegan cult for wearing donkey jacket

There was outrage in the Burnley hemp weaving community today after a man was expelled from his local vegetarian cult for wearing a donkey jacket. Graeme Corbin, long time jam enthusiast and dairy free yoghurt...

‘This isn’t some sort of police state’ says Sheffield man running police state

As he despatched six mini-buses of police officers carrying riot gear to a site where a council-paid contractor was due to fell a line of healthy trees used for Christmas fundraising, Sheffield police Assistant...

Rochdale spies suffer eye strain after being exposed to local man’s tackle

Two of Rochdale's well known top secret spies were today recovering in Specsavers after local man, Fred Higglesworth, exposed himself after drinking ten pints of Carling. Higglesworth, described in court as being of no fixed...

Bacup bakery follow Delta Airlines’ lead, withdraw Britain First discount.

Following the conviction of their leaders for advanced wankery, local Britain First members today received another body blow.  In line with a recent decision by Delta Airlines to disassociate itself with a toxic organisation...
Burnley

Burnley twins with itself

After an extensive search, the Burnley Council has decided that the town best suited to twinning with Burnley is Burnley itself. "We hired a consultant from Rochdale who suggested three towns, Trouduc in France, Klootzak...

First Burnley resident to complete 40 minute mile dies at 29

The Rochdale Herald is sad to report that the first Burnley resident to complete the 40 minute mile has died aged 29. Bill Board completed the feat this morning after setting off from his house....

Panic as rebel Corbynistas take West Didsbury

Residents of the leafy south Manchester suburb of West Didsbury were forced to spit their skinny lattes out in shock this morning after the area was captured by radical Jeremy Corbyn supporters. Guerilla Corbynistas successfully...

LATEST – Burnley moves even closer to life in colour

Residents of Burnley moved one step closer to a life lived in colour this week. The Rochdale Herald recently reported Burnley Council's plans to allow colour to be available to its...
Rochdale Riverside

Rochdale unaffected by US Government shutdown confirms Council chief

Rochdale - The leader of Rochdale Borough Council, Councillor Allen Brett, has reassured residents of the town that they won't be affected by the ongoing US Government shutdown on the basis that "we're not...
Building Fire

Rochdale pub burns down after local man pokes fire while looking at mantlepiece

Tragedy has struck a Rochdale landmark pub, The Baum, over the weekend causing literally pounds of damage when fire swept through the building. Firefighters who were called to the blaze spent several hours tackling the...

Dog shit bin in Rochdale park to be named after Nigel Farage in New...

A new dog waste bin being installed in Mandale Park is to be named after Nigel Farage, according to plans allegedly leaked by a Rochdale council employee. The 'Nigel Farage Dog Waste Bin' will be...

Couple still at bottle bank

A Rochdale couple is now entering their third day of disposing of bottles at their local bottle bank.
Dog Shitting in Car

Police free distressed dog left in locked car in Burnley carpark

POLICE were forced to smash the window of a locked car parked outside Asda in order release a distressed dog inside the vehicle on Thursday. Worried passers-by spotted the labradoodle on the parcel shelf of...

Burnley Nativity Play cancelled after search for 3 wise men and virgin ends in...

Burnley Council has been forced to cancel its annual community Nativity Play for the 126th consecutive year in succession. After another exhaustive search of the Borough they were yet again unable to find three wise...
Burnley

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022. Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement was made in garbled English written on the back of...
Range Rover

Range Rover found parked inside the lines

There are concerns for the welfare of the owner of a Range Rover found parked within the white lines of just two parking spaces in Rochdale Town Centre. The black Range Rover was discovered by...

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