Burnley residents fear diversity means marrying outside of immediate family

A Burnley man has told us that he fears moves for more diversity will mean that people will be forced to marry outside of their immediate family. Bill Board told us, "For years Burnley residents...

Rochdale’s secret Nuclear Past REVEALED

Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were a nuclear missile launch site throughout the 70's and 80's,...

SHOCK as cocaine bought in Rochdale nightclub found to contain trace amounts of COCAINE

Local man Geoff Addy was out partying in Rochdale's premier night club, Kokos, on Saturday for his mate John Bullington's abortion party, when he was arrested for possession of the Class A drug cocaine. However...
Smiling woman

Woman’s bad mood CURED by random bloke telling her to ‘smile’

A Rochdale woman has miraculously found the secret to happiness by following the guidance of a male passerby who told her to 'smile, love, it might never happen'. Ellie McGregor, 28, said that by following...

Christmas Miracle declared after BMW driver regains sight after parking in disabled spots

A Christmas Miracle has been declared after a disabled man was completely cured after parking his BMW across two handicapped parking bays at Rochdale Waitrose.

Couple sentenced to five years in soft play centre for having unprotected sex

A Yorkshire couple have received a five year suspended sentence for having unprotected sex. The sentence, which has been suspended for two years, is the 657,077th to be handed down to couples for having unprotected...

Man saying all lives matter wants Navy to torpedo boats full of refugees

A Rochdale man who keeps saying that all lives matter is also in favour of the Royal Navy being used to torpedo boats carrying refugees. Bill Board, who lives in a 2 bedroom terrace house...

Twat ruins barbecue with guitar

Reports are coming in that a twat has ruined a perfectly serviceable barbecue after finding an old guitar next to a sofa in the back room. The incident occurred at around 4pm local time as...

Ugly scenes at Rochdale Waitrose as supplies of Chateau Lafite de Rothschild 2009 run...

There were frantic scenes of violence and looting yesterday morning after Waitrose ran out of the 2009 vintage of the Chateau Lafite de Rothschild. Customers were queuing around the corner from 6am after Waitrose announced...

Man who’s spent last 4 years banging on about Blitz Spirit buys 70 bottles...

A Rochdale resident who regularly invokes the Blitz Spirit has been out an panic bought 70 bottles of hand sanitizer today. Bill Board regularly greets minor annoyances such as train delays and getting stuck in...

Fluffy kitten is a double hard bastard

An adorably fluffy little kitten from Bury has confirmed he is a double hard bastard who is not to be trifled with. 13 week old psychopath Tiddles has been living with a couple in Bury...
Kids Tattoo Studio

FURY as Tattoo Studio for children opens in Rochdale

Members of the public have reacted with OUTRAGE at the news that a new tattoo studio for babies and toddlers has opened in Rochdale town centre.

One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns

At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a report anti social behaviour. Reports since indicate that fighting had broken...

Pretentious Burnley couple having a thanksgiving dinner can’t understand why nobody’s coming

A Rochdale family have been telling The Rochdale Herald how a Burnley couple have invited them to Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college said, "It's a holiday not traditionally celebrated here as...

Man disappointed at not being told to remove England flags

A Rochdale man has been telling us of his disappointment at not being made to take his England flag down by the police. Martin William's erected the flag on his house today and has...
Riot Police

Police called after man without tattoo spotted in Rochdale town centre

There was a commotion on Drake Street in Rochdale this afternoon as crowds of people gathered from all corners of the town to gaze in bewilderment at a man going about his day in...

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